Wine bores

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Wine bores. They should clone Vlad the Impaler just for wine bores. One of my mates encountered a wine bore at a posh party a couple of years back. Apparently, even the host hated the twat, but apparently the host wanted to build an extension to their house, and the wine bore was on the planning committee.

He did the all the wine tasting shit that you see the likes of real experts like Jilly Goolden and Oz Clarke doing. And he was all;

‘yeeeessss….I’m getting hints of oak, cloaked in elderberry, with a hint of cinnamon”.

He then turned to my mate, who was always a straight talking bloke, and asked;

“What are you getting”?

My mate smiled at him and replied;

“Pissed”.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Robert Christgau

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Robert Christgau is a cunt… Anyone who titles himself “Dean of American Rock Critics” has to be a colossal cunt…

One of the earliest ‘professional rock critics’ Christgau is an arrogant bastard who thinks he is an authority and expert on popular music… When in actual fact he has never written, performed or played a note of music in his life… It was this cunt (along with those hippy twats at Rolling Stone) who started the cultural and critical snobbery of turning pop into ‘rock’…

Christgau also began that ridiculous music reviews as school reports shite… Giving a record an A or another letter, instead of saying the album is just good or bad… Now every cunt reviews a record with letter grades, stars, or marks out of ten… How can this wanker claim to be the world’s greatest authority on music and lavish continuous praise on that piss poor Stones comedy act The New York Dolls?!

Christgau is your typical arrogant Village Voice/Rolling Stone ‘Noo Yoik’ snob and a complete cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

Neil Hamilton

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For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Golf

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Golf. A stupid cunty “sport” played by stuck up cunts who think they’re better than the rest of us just because they can afford the ludicrously expensive fees charged by their local golf club.

And golf clubs! What a bastion of all-round cuntitude these are! Just look at the ridiculously complex rules dreamt up by idiots over the last dregs in the claret drug whilst sat on antique furniture, while the club’s denizens moan about how the country’s gone to the dogs since the “poorer sort” got the vote. And the most cunty thing about golf clubs is the sheer waste of land they represent; in the midst of a housing crisis only the most out-of-touch Tory cunt (or “Tory”) could think having acres upon acres of land reserved for a few dozen in-bred toffs or wannabe tycoons in their beemers to hit a little white ball around a field with a stick is a good idea, while the country is crying out for more housing. Golf clubs represent little more than a waste of land, land that could be better served as public open spaces, children’s playing fields, new factories and industrial estates, new housing, anything but for a load of cunts to knock a little white ball around with a stick.

And golf the “sport” – what a stupid idea! Only the Scots could have invented such a brainless, dull, stupid, soul-destroying pastime as golf. How people can pay top dollar to watch a load of middle-aged yanks or oirishmen lose their little white ball in the long grass is beyond me. But at least the cunts who play golf are being kept busy; people who play golf are probably from the same gene pool as bankers and politicians, and while they’re playing their stupid little “sport” they aren’t fucking up the world for the rest of us…

I take it all back – we need more golf clubs now!

(That last sentence was sarcasm, you daft cunts.)

Nominated by: Colin Murray’s Brain