Dylan Jones

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Dylan Jones is a cunt…

The slapheaded professional chinstroker and GQ editor is in full griefjacker bullshitter mode: saying that Bowie had more influence than The Beatles…

First off, it isn’t a pissing contest: or about who did better than who… Second, it’s bollocks… Like them or not The Beatles changed the game for everyone… And they did it (mostly) without silly costumes and ‘stage personas’… It begs the question, as good as Bowie could be, would he have been as big without all the costumes, image, the playing of the media and Ziggy?

I’m not saying Bowie was without talent, but what would Ladyboy Ga Ga be without her image, stylists and her ‘controversial’ bullshit? I shall tell you: fuck all… Dylan Jones says while The Beatles reinvented music, Bowie reinvented musical genres… Typical hack chinstroking crap… What exactly did Bowie (re) invent? Glam Rock? Soul? Disco? that New Romantic shite? He dabbled in them all but he didn’t invent or reinvent them… Bowie was good in his pomp. but inspiring every pretentious and crap band from the 80s onwards is far less than what The Beatles achieved…

So fuck off, Dylan Jones, yer bald cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

Darts scorers

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Cunts who “can’t chalk” a game of darts in a pub really piss me off.

It’s not that they have an allergy to chalk, they’re just too fucking lazy or ignorant to do some really basic arithmetic – you know, add up 3 1 or 2-digit numbers in your head and subtract the total from another number thats already in front of you. It’s hardly fucking rocket science, although if they buy a drink and get the wrong change they immediately turn into mathematical geniuses.

They see a game on and in true Yosser Hughes fashion think “I can do that – gizza game”.

Have they got their own darts – have they fuck, they’ll “borrow yours”, like fuck they will.

And when you go out of your way to accommodate them, e.g. sort them out a set of pub darts and say that you’ll tell them the scores and remainders to write down, they bounce around by the chalking board like fucking Zebedee or a nodding donkey or yammering in your fucking ear when you’re throwing.

I’m not a fucking social worker; I don’t go to the pub to teach remedial arithmetic or darting etiquette. It’s got to the point where I just fuck off to another pub and they can have the board to themselves.

Nominated by: Frottom

Ian Hislop

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Ian hislop is a smug right up his arse know if all annoying twat.

Cunt has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book and a self claimed knowledge base challenged only by Stephen Fry.

I cannot see that or understand why, he has been spared the cunting he deserves.

My news for u? You’re an annoying cunt, Hisplop.

Nominated by: King Cunt

…and the cunt nicks stuff off my blog and doesn’t answer e-mails.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Chuka Umunna

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Supercilious devoutly onmessage slaphead Labour Shadow Business Secretary largely self promoted as the British Obama (paleeese). Been making the news regarding his reported disparaging comments about UKIP supporters being “disconnected because they were not computer literate”. Fine to be ageist and bigotist then.

Well me dears, Chuka encounters his Kama. Rather delicious irony that he has now been trolled by a wave of “computer illiterate” UKIP silver surfers. Chuka old heart, you are aware that a lot of people out there do not like you – not because you are of mixed race, not because you are an arrogant metro sexual twat but because you are a cunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Heston Blumenthal

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Heston Blumenthal is a prime rib of a cunt. Not least because I just had to waste my time finding out how to spell the cunts name correctly.

This fucking Captain Cunt is so painfully fucking rich it turns my cunt inside out. He’s become famous by just adding ridiculously cuntish things to standard cunting meals, then standing there in his cunt glasses with a head that looks like somebody started making a Toby jug then gave up half way through, spouting shit like ‘It just seemed so natural to me to take a British favourite like Toad in the Hole and inject it with dingleberries fresh from my putrid, fetid anus, and semen. Instant classic!’. You absolute fucking CUNT Heston my boy.

I hope this cunt hurries up and dies pretty fucking soon so I can return my attention to wanking over that tasty sort refereeing the snooker at the moment.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto