Still Open All Hours

STILL OPEN ALL HOURS is complete load of fucking shit, it’s Last of the Summer Wine reincarnated – I want to rip my fuckin eyes out and fill my eye sockets with shit. All I can think is old cunt David Jason has a arrangements with a big Wig at the BBC to give him a programme to keep his pension topped up… It’s utter SHIT!!!!!!!

Nominated by Harry Balls

Dosser shite

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The Good Lord ordains that what marketh man is his shite. Animal shite – unless it’s bear or pig – is generally cope able with. The human kind, orf which yours truly has vast experience orf is orf a different order orf foulness. Indian shite and particularly that that fouls the streets orf Calcutta is beyond the pale. In the Western Desert (8th Army, Rommel, that show) a good soldier learned to identify his enemy by his waste – Iti, Kraut, Wog, Yank (lots orf Yank but never near any danger) all distinctive. Hippy shite stands oit from from me days in the 60s in the Producer dodge organising festivals, particularly when mixed, as it so orften was, with mud and psychotic substances. In short I know me shite.

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Orf a different order orf magnitude is dosser shite as increasingly evidenced in London, Manchester and many a South Coast toine. A veritable tsunami orf the stuff is deluging our once great nation. Glossy, brown and bloated, the sticky mucous coated crap is stuffed full orf parasites and drug resistant viruses. Indeed consider where it has been and what has produced it. Now try and get it orf your shoes without getting it smeared all over your hands and clothes.

The feral cunts squeezing their arses oit over shopping centres, public streets and people’s front gardens think they have the right to borrow a rat arsed dog with sad soulful eyes (I always offer to put the fucker doine) or hire a fake sand sculpture and beg for my money. Must declare me interest here. Do a spot orf lay preaching at me local church and have regular occasion to shovel dosser shite (see photos) oit orf our front garden. Call the Council? Fuck orf. No other cunt will touch it.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

BBC 3

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The BBC is due an almighty cunting after the One Show’s shameless and shameful half hour plug tonight for the shit that was BBC3.

It was an atrocious spin revolving around the whopping lie that BBC3 was being moved and was therefore innovative in becoming the first channel to go exclusively online.

What utter horseshit. It’s shit, why else move it into some digital back passage where nobody will give a toss. What minuscule bits of interest it used to have got flushed away years ago and it became a closet for endless Top Gear repeats and a megaphone for that talentless twat Stacey Doodah ( and she’s made her accent very Albert Square for someone from Luton,perhaps that’s for the best). With luck she’ll get massacred by some Nicaraguan sniper next time she starts wandering around crack dens with no bra on, not that it has anything to support inher case.

Bye bye BBC3, nobody will notice and reports of your demise are much lauded.

Nominated by: Arsebiscuit

Christmas [2]

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Xmas, a once religious festival hijacked by ad men and capitalist cunts.

I fucking hate everything about it, from the Christmas card shenanigans, to secret santa at work, to the works xmas party, to the shit on TV, to the fucking overpriced Turkey, to the fucking family gatherings, to the tatty tree and decorations, to ‘everyone’ wishing you happy christmas starting in November. A load of shite that costs you the best part of £1000 for 24 fucking hours.

Then as soon as it gets to 6pm on xmas day the TV starts with it’s xmas sales adverts, then every woman on TV has a ‘fitness’ DVD out, then you get the adverts for summer holidays.

FUCK OFF

If I was single I would sit at home in my pants drinking fucking beer & Jack Daniels and eat a pizza for dinner, Xmas done all for under £60…

Nominated by: Boaby

Internet Porn

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Internet Porn deserves a damn cunting, I am old enough to remember the days when finding Porn on the Internet took all evening, 3 hours spent finding and downloading a video for free which looked half wank-worthy.

Even just browsing pictures took forever, waiting for the picture to display pixel by pixel!
Fast forward to today, fucking porn everywhere, petabytes of it in every deranged form you can imagine.

There’s a niche for everyone:

Looking for hairy Latina girls in glasses being bummed by Mexican immigrants? – You got it! sign-up today

Enjoy watching a woman crap honey out of her arse whilst dressed as Lois from Family Guy? – You got it! sign-up today

Can you only get off to lesbians masturbating for money whilst complaining about womens rights? – You got it! sign-up today

Fucking Internet Porn, it all blends in to one sea of shit and thus, deserves a cunting

Nominated by : Boaby