Kanye West

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If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Kanye West, I would shoot Kanye West twice…

Funny to see all them wankstains at Glastonbury: all those white English folk singing along to Kanye Kunt’s set, and then all the furtive looks and awkwardness when it came to the ‘N’ word….

Nominated by: Norman

Brian Cox [2]

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Smug Brian Cox has got to be one of the most irritating presenters on television.

Professor ? That’s a joke. He’s embarrassing to watch and should be teaching introduction to science in a primary school. He never ever gets beneath the surface of any subject, reciting the most obvious of observations and then grinning at the camera as though he knows he’s just astounded you with his wisdom.

Self-congratulatory idiot.

Those who would like to be educated about science and entertained at the same time should watch Michio Kaku. Now there’s someone who really knows what he’s talking about.

Nominated by: Allan

The General Election

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I would like to cunt the Election Campaign. Tories approach it with shameless lies and shameless scaremongering because they can’t defend their record of broken pledges in their 2010 “Contract” (now mysteriously vanished from their website archive), whereas the gormless twat Miliband cowers in the shadows like a useless saucer of diarrhoea, saying nothing, doing nothing, except crossing his fingers.

Cameron and Miliband = pair of useless cunts, just as bad as each other.

Nominated by: Fred West

Much as I have no time for the Tories and their somewhat transparent plan to drag the social system back to a semblance of Victorian days, at least they are open about it. Labour on the other hand ceased to be a party that was representative of working class values when they came out of the political closet disguised as “new labour”.

Both parties lack the balls to actually serve the interests of the country on issues like ending our membership of the EU, closing the door to immigration, getting tough on terrorists and religious radicals and most of all, refraining from involving the UK in foreign wars.

Nominated by: Lez

Elton John [3]

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Elton John is one of those irredeemably odious shitbags who can never be cunted often enough.

Now the fat little attention-whore has lashed out at fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana for describing the process of gay couples using IVF to create their own families as “synthetic”. Fat Elton had a major hissy fit (on Instagram, where else?) interpreting their remark as a personal attack on his own two children. Both of whom happen to be boys, incidentally. So obviously no engineered sex selection there then, never mind the fact that it’s highly unlikely that either Fat Elton or his partner were able to provide the eggs. Synthetic? Of course not – it all sounds 100% natural to me.

In a telling insight into Fat Elton’s views on freedom of speech (and it was merely a personal opinion being expressed, D&G weren’t denying the Holocaust), the talentless has-been called on the world to boycott Dolce & Gabbana because of this. Why stop there though? I thought Fat Elton had boycotted the entire fashion industry many years back: there can be no other explanation for why this short, fat, bald, old man continues to dress as though he’s really a tall, slim, thirty year old with a luxuriant head of hair. Maybe it’s an inverse form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder? If so, I’ve heard it can easily be cured by taking a huge quantity arsenic, washed down with a litre of Domestos.

At least Domenico Dolce had the style, grace and good sense to go bald naturally, Elton. At least there’s nothing “synthetic” about what’s on HIS head, you fat cunt. You look like a cunt, you dress like a cunt, you sing like a cunt, ergo you ARE a cunt. Now kindly fuck off and hang yourself.

Nominated by: Fred West

Well, how about that! Victoria Beckham has joined in Elton’s tirade against D&G. Nothing to do with the fact that she owns her own fashion house, of course. That would be just opportunistic hypocrisy, wouldn’t it?

The Johns and the Beckhams – four cunts for the price of one…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Islamophobia

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I would like to nominate the word “Islamophobia” for an epic cunting.

This absurd term has become ubiquitous over the past few years but, and this is the reason for the nomination, no-one has actually defined what it means. It appears to mean whatever the speaker wants it to mean, so that anything from the foamings of right-wing nutjobs on conspiracy theory websites to thoughtful musings in the quality press about the place of religion in 21st century Britain can be dismissed by this ridiculous word. As far as I can work out, “Islamophobia” is Arabic for “Shut the fuck up, Kuffar!”

“Islamophobia” is automatically associated with racism against the mythical “Muslim community.” Now this really is a racist term. Some folks of South Asian descent have been living in the UK for three generations but whenever some bearded freak goes mental, screaming “Allahu fucking Akbar” as usual, these people are told they must condemn his actions because they are “Muslims.” No, they aren’t. They are British citizens with the same rights and responsibilities as everyone else. It is racist to say that they are Muslims because of the colour of their skin – PC twats at the BBC please take note.

Those cunts who shot up that French magazine are accused of shooting a “Muslim police officer” as they fled the scene. No, they didn’t; they shot a FRENCH police officer who happened to have a somewhat darker skin than the majority of the French population. Again I say, it is racist to label people of a certain ethnic group as “Muslims.”

By labelling certain folks as “Muslim” on account of their skin colour, the PC racist cunts of the BBC go on to empower so-called “Muslim community leaders.” Who elected these twats as “community leaders”? From what I can work out, being a “leader” of the mythical “Muslim community” simply means you have a beard and have read a book. Well, I have a beard and I’ve read lots of books (including the Koran) but I don’t claim to be a leader of any “community”!

But for sheer cuntishness, the phrase that really takes the biscuit is “Muslim feminist.” Have these silly tarts read their “holy” book? It specifically says that women are only worth half of men in terms of inheritance and testimony. “It’s my choice to wear a bag on my head when I go out,” they bleat. Fine. But it’s also my wife’s choice to wear a bikini when we go to the beach and no misogynistic cunt whose library consists of one book of thousand year old fairy stories can stop her. Fuck you.

That silly cunt Anjem Choudary says that freedom of speech does not allowed people to mock Allah’s prophets. That’s exactly what is does allow you utter, utter cunt. Your prophet was a violent, murderous, delusional twat who felt up a six year old! A six year old, for fuck’s sake! What kind of cunt gets his jollys from a Year One kid – outside of Parliament or the BBC that is?

There have been a lot of twats saying they have the right to practice their religion in peace. Absolutely correct – and right back at you! You can believe in fairy tales, worship a violent desert bandit, bang your head on the ground five times a day and force your wife to wear a bag on her head (actually I’m not so sure about the last one, unless she’s a “Muslim feminist” who chooses her own bag). BUT I DON”T HAVE TO. And nor do I have to “respect” your shitty religion.

Lots of people have written about Islam in recent years but most of them miss the point. They concentrate on the supposed violence in the Koran, the treatment of minorities in Islamic countries or the attitude of Muslims towards women. This is to miss the central problem in Islam; the central problem in ALL religions. Muslims believe the universe was created by God.

THERE IS NO GOD. At last count, physicists reckon there are 100,000,000,000 galaxies containing 300,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars in a universe that has existed for 13,700,000,000 years. And yet! The “God” who “created” all this cares most about whether one half of one species on one planet around one star shows its hair to the other half! Please, just fuck off, chill the fuck out, have a pint or three and get laid – with an actual woman not a prepubescent virgin.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt