Michael Winner [2]

Michael Winner in 1986

Knew the cunt a few years back. Would answer the telephone pretending to be his own secretary. Had a whole string of ex lady loves he kept sweet by letting them think they were in for substantial legacies on his demise. The last one was looking after the terminal tosser in the belief that she would get the mansion in Holland Park.

He did have plenty of readies but it was all cash from multiple mortgages and loans on his properties. Did not own a bean. Fine old to-do now, m’learned friends etc etc. Warring next of kin, banks, mortgage companies all unaware of each others conflicting claims. Rather delicious actually.

Postumous cunting for old time’s sake? He would enjoy that.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Seems that I failed to notice the demise of Michael Winner back in January. What an odious little cunt he was. Went everywhere by private jet because he hated travelling with the plebs. I hear say that he used his celebrity to pay for it rather than a cheque as he was reportedly bust.

Remember his ‘Calm down, dear!’ advert? How the mighty had fallen to sink to that.

Met him once in Barbados when he was blagging his way to the best table in the restaurant at Sandy Lane. Unfortunately for him, the table he wanted was occupied by my party. ‘Do you now who I am?’ he said. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘you’re the odious little yid that isn’t getting this table. So fuck off!’

He fucked off. Like I said, odious little cunt…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Barbados must be a much nicer place now he’s not there!

Nominated by: Mrs D.

The Nouveau Riche

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Nouveau riche arrivistes are the top cunt class of the world. The jumped up posh like Cameron or any of his rat bag crew are out to shaft the working man. I reserve a special contempt for the fake posh like Lord for fucks sake Julien Fellowes (cunting on its way), yet another actor playing a part that has gone to his head. If I may raise a humble cheer for us old school aristos, of whom sadly few remain, we at least know how to comport ourselves with the lower orders. In the breeding donchaknow.

Never happier than when motoring around the grounds delivering a Christmas box to the estate workers. Too embarassed to dwell on the look of supplicant gratitude that lights up their humble faces when their grubby little bairns tear open the wrapping paper to find a pair of warm socks and a shilling for the gas meter. They shall have light on Christmas Day!

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Lou Reed

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Here’s a topical cunting for you – Lou Reed.

I was trying to figure out exactly what to say about this particular arsewipe when I came across this hard to top summing up from a bloke called Scotty back in July 2011 :

“Saw this cunt at Hammersmith Apollo last night. We forked out £150 plus travel for the privilege, thinking its probably the last chance we’d get to see him with him being almost 70……..what a fucking waste of time and money that was. He played one recognisable number, that was Sweet Jane, the rest of the set consisted of funereal dirges which seemed to be mainly open letters to his wife/ex-wife and why he hates her. We didnt drag up there to hear his fucking personal problems, we went to hear some rock and roll, ffs. 24 hours ago Lou Reed was an iconic rock legend to me, today he’s just a fucking cunt.”

But now he’s taking a walk on the dead side. Tributes flowing in from equally pretentious nonentity cunts. Here’s my favourite – a headline in the Telegraph : “Lou Reed created music that will live on for as long as songs are sung.”

Bollocks. Name me three of his finest. Maybe, but I bet you can’t name five!

Nominated by: ChasCMusic

Rihanna [2]

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Why’s this cunt not taken any top honours?
Lets do a checklist…

  • Shit songs – check
  • Fucking ugly cunt – check
  • Probably shagging some simian headed Polish cunt – check
  • Opens gob and put pours out all sorts of vicious non entertaining shite – check
  • Full of own self importance – check
  • Will be forgotten in 5 years time when she has to sell all her fucking shit houses ‘cos she’s a broke fucking degenerate cunt – check

Hopefully will get stoned and trip up, thereby breaking neck in the fall/process giving us all a break from her fucking general tediousness – hope so!

What a mothballing, pock marked old cunt. Fuck off!!

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish

Donald Trump

Trump

Donald Trump is a four-time bankrupt, smug cunt with a right dodgy barnet.

If the other wanker, part-time Nookie Bear impersonator and full time cunt Alan ‘Midget’ Sugar has a low opinion of Trump, regularly calling him a liar and a failure on Twatter, he must be a total cunt.

For one man to accrue so much wealth, whilst having absolutely no skills whatsoever, neither in business nor socially, and to never actually do any work himself, is evidence that he is receiving the just rewards of other people’s labour, on an epic scale.

He ‘owns’ casinos in Nevada, or rather the debts that are secured upon them are in his company’s name (which changes periodically because of continued bankruptcies and other legal complications). Is he involved in organised crime? He set up a ‘university’ specifically to make money out of yet more suckers. He intends to build a golf course/hotel/casino/brothel in an area of outstanding natural beauty in Jockland. He takes savings off widows.

He will, hopefully soon, be spending time in a cell next door to Bernie Madoffwithyourmoney in Attica. Fucking cunt.

Nominated by: Eaglemoblr