Neil Hamilton


For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Victoria Beckham, UN Ambassador


I am convinced that the world runs on irony. First the UN makes Tony Blair a peace envoy, then they give him an award as Philanthropist of the Year (I didn’t even know he collected stamps!). Then the UN takes on Bono as special advisor to Wanky Loon. But now they’ve appointed none other than Victoria Beckham as an ambassador. FFS!

So what do you reckon Victoria? “Well, it’s taken me to get to 40 to realise I have a responsibility as a woman and as a mother.” Amazing! She’s been a woman for 40 years and despite her three kids, she’s just realised she’s a mother.

“For some reason people will listen to me. This is the beginning of an incredible journey for me.” Yep, I can’t explain it either but I sure as hell agree that it’s incredible.

Apparently she missed the opening of her shiny new London store to be there saying she felt her public profile meant she had a duty to do more about woman’s health. Bollocks! The only thing Victoria Beckham ever gave a flying fuck about was Victoria Beckham and the promotion of Brand Beckham – so this all fits in as a nice little profile raiser and money earner.

I should know. I’m married to the cunt!

Nominated by: David Beckham

Mary Berry


Mary Berry is annoying, flakey skinned, botox ridden, mutton dressed as lamb. She thinks the world owes her adorance because she can bake a fucking cake, thinking she is everyone’s Nan.

Real Nans cook the fuck out of cakes, and get joy only giving them to those brave enough to try them. And thats what she should fuck off and do.

So you can BAKE, great, now fuck off and do it off my TV you cunt.

Nominated by: King Cunt

( and that Paul Hollywood’s a right cunt too!..)

Herbert Ypma


Who, I hear you ask, is Herbert fucking Ypma – and well might you ask. I came across him when I was renting a cottage for a weeks break and a couple of his pretentious shite books were lying around on the coffee table.

According to Amazon, Herbert is “a gifted photographer and a careful writer” best know for his series of books ‘Hip Hotels’. Seems he was schooled in Oz but there’s no truck to be had with precocious twats there so he fucked off to America (where else?) where he could be recognised for what he really is: a pretentious little cunt who likes to tell everyone how good he is.

Let’s face it, anyone who sucks up to pretentious little cunts has to be a pretentious little cunt himself, and Mr Ypma likes to do lots of that.

Check out one of his books. The photos are straight out of the marketing school of photography, and his ‘careful writing’ is far more effective than the finest emetic.

Nominated by: Dioclese


Mission, Texas - birdwatching (exposure & crop)_resize

Why do birders have cameras with such massive lenses? Is because they have small dicks? Probably…

Just spent two weeks in the Russian Far East with a group containing several twitchers. Picture it: There we are floating in a little rubber boat of the coast of Kamchatka watching brown bears on the shoreline. Cameras are clicking away furiously. Suddenly the bloke at the front of the boat swings his 500mm penis substitute around nearly knocking me out of the boat. Fuck the bears! He’s spotted a seagull and simply has to have as photo to prove it.

A few days later we are floating around in a little rubber boat with a driver who’s a bird expert. We are admiring sea lions. We’re in the wrong boat. The driver decides to hair off downstream to find some birds. Do we see any? Not really. There’s apparently a reed warbler in the bushes in winter plumage – but you can’t quite see it from here!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I like birds. But some of these guys are just cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese