The Elders

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Came across this shower of self righteous smug hateful cunts during the never ending Mandela bore-a-thon on TV.

Have you ever read such fucking pretentious shite in your life. Worst of the lot of them though is the toe curlingly annoying up her own arse cunt, Mary Robinson.

Nominated by: DanB

FFS! You have to be joking! Just who are these self righteous up their own arse cunts anyway?

Surprise surprise! Founder Nelson fucking Mandela. Honorary member Desmond fucking Tutu. Chairman Kofi Annan.

Who else for the cuntroll? Martti Ahtisaari former president of Finland and winner of the nobel Peace Prize for bullshit, Ela Bhatt founder of the Self-Employed Women’s Association in India, Lakhdar Brahimi a former Algerian freedom fighter (another fucking peacemaker with a gun?), Gro Harlem Brundtland the first woman Prime Minister of Norway, Fernando H Cardoso the former President of Brazil (famous for reducing poverty apparently. Have you been to Brazil lately?), Jimmy the peanut king Carter, Hina Jilani a human rights lawyer (FFS! No!), Graça Machel another fucking human rights ‘champion’, Mary Robinson a ‘forceful advocate for womens participation in human dignity’ (whatever the fuck that means!), and last but not least Ernesto Zedillo a former President of Mexico ‘who led profound democratic and social reforms; economist and advocate of multilateralism, inclusive globalisation, nuclear non-proliferation and drug policy reform.’

Well spotted DanB. A right pretentious bunch of self appointed, self opinionated and self important cunts if ever there was one. I expect Blair will be joining now there’s a vacancy. Probably end up running it!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Michael Winner [2]

Michael Winner in 1986

Knew the cunt a few years back. Would answer the telephone pretending to be his own secretary. Had a whole string of ex lady loves he kept sweet by letting them think they were in for substantial legacies on his demise. The last one was looking after the terminal tosser in the belief that she would get the mansion in Holland Park.

He did have plenty of readies but it was all cash from multiple mortgages and loans on his properties. Did not own a bean. Fine old to-do now, m’learned friends etc etc. Warring next of kin, banks, mortgage companies all unaware of each others conflicting claims. Rather delicious actually.

Postumous cunting for old time’s sake? He would enjoy that.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Seems that I failed to notice the demise of Michael Winner back in January. What an odious little cunt he was. Went everywhere by private jet because he hated travelling with the plebs. I hear say that he used his celebrity to pay for it rather than a cheque as he was reportedly bust.

Remember his ‘Calm down, dear!’ advert? How the mighty had fallen to sink to that.

Met him once in Barbados when he was blagging his way to the best table in the restaurant at Sandy Lane. Unfortunately for him, the table he wanted was occupied by my party. ‘Do you now who I am?’ he said. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘you’re the odious little yid that isn’t getting this table. So fuck off!’

He fucked off. Like I said, odious little cunt…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Barbados must be a much nicer place now he’s not there!

Nominated by: Mrs D.

The Nouveau Riche

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Nouveau riche arrivistes are the top cunt class of the world. The jumped up posh like Cameron or any of his rat bag crew are out to shaft the working man. I reserve a special contempt for the fake posh like Lord for fucks sake Julien Fellowes (cunting on its way), yet another actor playing a part that has gone to his head. If I may raise a humble cheer for us old school aristos, of whom sadly few remain, we at least know how to comport ourselves with the lower orders. In the breeding donchaknow.

Never happier than when motoring around the grounds delivering a Christmas box to the estate workers. Too embarassed to dwell on the look of supplicant gratitude that lights up their humble faces when their grubby little bairns tear open the wrapping paper to find a pair of warm socks and a shilling for the gas meter. They shall have light on Christmas Day!

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Lou Reed

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Here’s a topical cunting for you – Lou Reed.

I was trying to figure out exactly what to say about this particular arsewipe when I came across this hard to top summing up from a bloke called Scotty back in July 2011 :

“Saw this cunt at Hammersmith Apollo last night. We forked out £150 plus travel for the privilege, thinking its probably the last chance we’d get to see him with him being almost 70……..what a fucking waste of time and money that was. He played one recognisable number, that was Sweet Jane, the rest of the set consisted of funereal dirges which seemed to be mainly open letters to his wife/ex-wife and why he hates her. We didnt drag up there to hear his fucking personal problems, we went to hear some rock and roll, ffs. 24 hours ago Lou Reed was an iconic rock legend to me, today he’s just a fucking cunt.”

But now he’s taking a walk on the dead side. Tributes flowing in from equally pretentious nonentity cunts. Here’s my favourite – a headline in the Telegraph : “Lou Reed created music that will live on for as long as songs are sung.”

Bollocks. Name me three of his finest. Maybe, but I bet you can’t name five!

Nominated by: ChasCMusic

Rihanna [2]

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Why’s this cunt not taken any top honours?
Lets do a checklist…

  • Shit songs – check
  • Fucking ugly cunt – check
  • Probably shagging some simian headed Polish cunt – check
  • Opens gob and put pours out all sorts of vicious non entertaining shite – check
  • Full of own self importance – check
  • Will be forgotten in 5 years time when she has to sell all her fucking shit houses ‘cos she’s a broke fucking degenerate cunt – check

Hopefully will get stoned and trip up, thereby breaking neck in the fall/process giving us all a break from her fucking general tediousness – hope so!

What a mothballing, pock marked old cunt. Fuck off!!

Nominated by: Hurling Dervish