The General Election

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I would like to cunt the Election Campaign. Tories approach it with shameless lies and shameless scaremongering because they can’t defend their record of broken pledges in their 2010 “Contract” (now mysteriously vanished from their website archive), whereas the gormless twat Miliband cowers in the shadows like a useless saucer of diarrhoea, saying nothing, doing nothing, except crossing his fingers.

Cameron and Miliband = pair of useless cunts, just as bad as each other.

Nominated by: Fred West

Much as I have no time for the Tories and their somewhat transparent plan to drag the social system back to a semblance of Victorian days, at least they are open about it. Labour on the other hand ceased to be a party that was representative of working class values when they came out of the political closet disguised as “new labour”.

Both parties lack the balls to actually serve the interests of the country on issues like ending our membership of the EU, closing the door to immigration, getting tough on terrorists and religious radicals and most of all, refraining from involving the UK in foreign wars.

Nominated by: Lez

Elton John [3]

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Elton John is one of those irredeemably odious shitbags who can never be cunted often enough.

Now the fat little attention-whore has lashed out at fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana for describing the process of gay couples using IVF to create their own families as “synthetic”. Fat Elton had a major hissy fit (on Instagram, where else?) interpreting their remark as a personal attack on his own two children. Both of whom happen to be boys, incidentally. So obviously no engineered sex selection there then, never mind the fact that it’s highly unlikely that either Fat Elton or his partner were able to provide the eggs. Synthetic? Of course not – it all sounds 100% natural to me.

In a telling insight into Fat Elton’s views on freedom of speech (and it was merely a personal opinion being expressed, D&G weren’t denying the Holocaust), the talentless has-been called on the world to boycott Dolce & Gabbana because of this. Why stop there though? I thought Fat Elton had boycotted the entire fashion industry many years back: there can be no other explanation for why this short, fat, bald, old man continues to dress as though he’s really a tall, slim, thirty year old with a luxuriant head of hair. Maybe it’s an inverse form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder? If so, I’ve heard it can easily be cured by taking a huge quantity arsenic, washed down with a litre of Domestos.

At least Domenico Dolce had the style, grace and good sense to go bald naturally, Elton. At least there’s nothing “synthetic” about what’s on HIS head, you fat cunt. You look like a cunt, you dress like a cunt, you sing like a cunt, ergo you ARE a cunt. Now kindly fuck off and hang yourself.

Nominated by: Fred West

Well, how about that! Victoria Beckham has joined in Elton’s tirade against D&G. Nothing to do with the fact that she owns her own fashion house, of course. That would be just opportunistic hypocrisy, wouldn’t it?

The Johns and the Beckhams – four cunts for the price of one…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Sony Pictures

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Sony Pictures are a bunch of cunts. They produce a film that is so crap that nobody wants to watch it (see Scaryducks review here) and then manufacture their own cyber attack to publicise it and make people want to rush out and see it.

Then as a result the CIA decide to launch a cyber attack on North Korea’s internet system pushing the world closer to global nuclear war.

The end of the world as we know it? Possibly – but what the fuck! We got people to watch our shit film.

What a bunch of greedy, short sighted, self centred, money grubbing cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Amateur Aid Workers

British man Alan Henning, currently held hostage by Isis

Stupid, selfish, holier-than-though do-gooders who end up having their heads cut off in the Middle East need an apocalyptic cunting.

Constant warnings from organisations and governments for people not from these places who end up sticking their fucking noses in to stay the fuck away just aren’t enough for these pricks.

While their friends and family are wringing their hands daily over the stress of the announcement Jihadi John is standing over their loved ones headless corpses on Youtube, the likes of these ridiculous cunts who have spent their earlier years back-packing through Inuit country to find themselves feel duty bound to sit next to legless bomb victims and present a furrowed brow as if that will change the world. Worst thing is when the last sentence on the news report is ‘He leaves behind a wife and 4 children under 10’!!!

Fucking stay at home and be a responsible adult you fucking selfish super cunts!!!

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto

Neil Hamilton

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For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese