The Queen (2)

Queen Elizabeth the Second needs a Cunting.

The lazy old trout is, apparently, planning on taking on far less “Official Duties”. At the age of 91, courtiers believe that she has done her share,and it’s time for the younger royals to step up…. What utter bollocks. I’ve little doubt that I could work into my nineties if all my work consisted of was being ferried around in a Rolls Royce, cutting the odd ribbon, nibbling on a cucumber sandwich and then being whisked off to the races.

She is also responsible for breeding the most dysfunctional family since the Sawney Bean clan were in their pomp. Charles is a selfish arrogant fool. Edward a queer, Andrew a bumptious oaf. Anne,however,is O.K.

Her grandchild William already takes after his father…too stupid to realise that people have had enough of the inbred spongers. I won’t mention that dolt, Harry, because she isn’t related to the half-a-brain waster. Fuck me, even those weird looking great-grandchildren are already showing the Windsor traits of over-indulged,self-important arrogance that Her Majesty has bred through her offspring.

No doubt when the old Kraut finally does the decent thing and gives the taxpayer a bit of relief from having to support her and her indolent tribe,the nation will be expected to go into some grief-fest about the old bag…Not me, although I will raise a glass a woman who managed to con an entire nation into believing that she was some benevolent force who only wanted what was best for the country…She only ever wanted the best for herself and her sponging family.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler.



I’ve got nothing against Liz and her german brood personally but I’m sure they could be doing something more fulfilling and productive.

It’s not monarchies per se but other cunts copying the principle – Noth Korea (KIm Jong Il then Kim Jong Very Ill then Kim Jong Dead (thank you E. J. Thribbs – Private Eye) and the incumbent Kim Jong cunt, Syria, Unites States, various kelptocracies who really push the envelope.

I haven’t, yet, heard of Liz dispensing with the services of a footman or Lady in Waiting (who incur her displeasure) via a firing squad of anti-aircraft fire, but at pushing 90 she’s getting to alzheimer age territory so it may happen.

The hereditary accession to a position of responsibility without any checks for suitability or aptitude is frankly bollox. The UK has a shortage of doctors and maths teachers so why don’t we extend the principle of divine accession to the offspring of our current doctors and maths teachers and save on the 5 or 7 years or whatever it takes to qualify and just bung ’em straight in the hospitals and schools and see what results they achieve.

Nominated by: Mary Hinge-Frottom

Princess Charlotte


Can I be the first to cunt the new Royal parasite?

Fucking Royals, they invaded my birthday two years ago and now they’ve annexed my son’s birthday. Cunts.

Nominated by: Cunts Mate Cunt

And I’d like to cunt it’s parents for not having the balls to just call it ‘Diana’ and that horse’s backside Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, for pretending that it’s her granddaughter when it fucking well isn’t!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Prince what-the-fucksit


Is pre-natal cunting permitted? If so, may I be the first to cunt the new Royal baby due in April.

Also all those media cunts who are going to spout endless drivel in the months leading up to the Duchess dropping.

Nominated by: Fred West

So the heir is getting a spare for the heir’s heir. I am overwhelmed with disinterest. I could not give flying, frankly.

Still I suppose it’s better than President Blair. Certainly cheaper – and at least it’s not a Kaflik.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Dick the Shit


I would like to nominate that bent spined cunt Richard the third. (No coincidence it rhymes with turd).

This cunt, part of the royal scrounger clan, is still sponging up taxpayer pounds long after the bent over cunt is dead! They don’t know where to bury the fucker.

I say take it to the nearest tip horse the bones out the back of a transit and be fucking done with it. Royals are cunts – dead or alive.

Nominated by: Cripplecock