Wine bores

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Wine bores. They should clone Vlad the Impaler just for wine bores. One of my mates encountered a wine bore at a posh party a couple of years back. Apparently, even the host hated the twat, but apparently the host wanted to build an extension to their house, and the wine bore was on the planning committee.

He did the all the wine tasting shit that you see the likes of real experts like Jilly Goolden and Oz Clarke doing. And he was all;

‘yeeeessss….I’m getting hints of oak, cloaked in elderberry, with a hint of cinnamon”.

He then turned to my mate, who was always a straight talking bloke, and asked;

“What are you getting”?

My mate smiled at him and replied;

“Pissed”.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Fake watches

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Anyone who wears a fake watch is a cunt. Any one who knows anything about watches can tell a fake from 100m so by wearing one you are announcing to the world “I’m a faking cunt” Just be honest and wear a Tag instead.

Rolex are prone to this. Any Rolex, genuine or fake is assumed to be fake. And even if they are not fake they say “CUNT” as clear as day. We call them clitoris watches, i.e every cunt has one.

The cunts who have a Rolex are the same sorts of cunt who think Bang and Olufsen make good hifi, Harley Davidson make good motorbikes and Hugo Boss make good suits. Cunts.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

( I’ve got a fake Rolex. Ed. >

Zooey Deschanel

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Zooey Deschanel is a butthead of a cunt.

What sort of gargantuan knobend calls their child Otter?!

What’s the next one going to be called? Tarka? Beaver? Weasel? Ferret?

Why do these celebrity wankstains feel the need to give their kids stupid names? Cunts…

Nominated by: Norman

Daniel O’Donnell

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Daniel O’Donnell is a smug, pretentious, sickly Irish cunt .

Think of all those menopausal, frustrated housewives with their wet fannies watching him on Strictly. Met a young Irish kid once who used to be in his Irish dance troupe, she reckoned he was a real bell end, who never went anywhere without his entourage of people with their heads up his arse.

Constantly publically paying homage to adoring fans whilst secretly telling them to fuck off, wanker.

Nominated by: Lou Smorrels