Chukka Ummuna


So you Chukka’d in your hand, you slimy little creep? Good riddance!

But why? Well the official reason is that you don’t want the personal attacks on yourself and family that come with the job. You don’t want the scrutiny and transparency either. Well I say ‘If you can’t stand the heat, then get out of that kitchen’ because if you can’t live with all that it entails then you’re not going to be a lot of use as PM are you?

But is that the real reason Britain’s Barack Obama has pulled his bid? Nothing to do with referring to Londoner’s as ‘trash’ or slagging off ‘jetrosexuals’? Nothing to do with his comments about gangsters being ‘great entrepreneurs’? Nothing to do with him handbagging Mandleson for an endorsement on the Andrew Marr show? Nothing to do with his premature canvassing on election night before the votes were even counted? Nothing to do with him being so left wing that even the unions find him extreme?

No. It’s none of the above. I suspect it’s just because he can’t find 34 Labour MPs willing to sign his nomination paper. I wonder why?

Nominated by: Dioclese

The General Election


I would like to cunt the Election Campaign. Tories approach it with shameless lies and shameless scaremongering because they can’t defend their record of broken pledges in their 2010 “Contract” (now mysteriously vanished from their website archive), whereas the gormless twat Miliband cowers in the shadows like a useless saucer of diarrhoea, saying nothing, doing nothing, except crossing his fingers.

Cameron and Miliband = pair of useless cunts, just as bad as each other.

Nominated by: Fred West

Much as I have no time for the Tories and their somewhat transparent plan to drag the social system back to a semblance of Victorian days, at least they are open about it. Labour on the other hand ceased to be a party that was representative of working class values when they came out of the political closet disguised as “new labour”.

Both parties lack the balls to actually serve the interests of the country on issues like ending our membership of the EU, closing the door to immigration, getting tough on terrorists and religious radicals and most of all, refraining from involving the UK in foreign wars.

Nominated by: Lez

Rachel Reeves

Rachel Reeves fake

Rachel Reeves is an utter band wagon jumping, uneducated, knee jerk reactionary moron, and soon to be tunnel cunted fuckwit.

You’re a typical ‘I invented motherhood therefore all should yield before me’ stasi politico witch.

And no, you fucking stupid cunt, you can’t represent the people of Leeds west and be mother, so you better step your ass down at the next election. Typical socialist war cry, I want the right to have kids and I demand you pay for and look after them whilst I have my ego trip. Rest assured she will be after the patron sainthood of the too posh to push brigade.

Fucking mendacious cunt.

Nominated by: The Captain

Sinead O’Connor


O’ Connor is such a twat… Sang the praises of the IRA for years. Not been musically relevant for years either (if ever!). Yet she gets on the Band Aid download (it is not a single/record/45) because she crawls around Geldof’s arse… She has always thrived on controversy instead of relying on talent. Among her many pearls was when she said, ‘Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He was just a very fucked up person.’ Plenty of people are fucked up. But they don’t murder en masse, you silly twisted Catholic bald cunt…

I remember she was on a TV show in 1990. I was there with the Happy Mondays (I used to help them with the amps and all that). O’Connor was being a self righteous, miserable and pompous pain in the arse. Shaun Ryder told her she needed a good shagging to cheer herself up and that she was on a permanent period… Good to see she hasn’t changed…

Nominated by: Norman

Sinead O’Connor is a cunt. Did you see her on that latest Band Aid wank?
Useless fucking wastrel / toothless harpie / Dave / disabled toilet.

Nominated by: Brian Cunt

Brooks Newmark

+ The naked selfie of this cunt +
+ has been removed because the +
+ cunt got Carter-Fuck to threaten +
+ legal action if we left it up +

Mr Brooks Newmark, Minister for Civil Society (Resigned)

What can one say about the tawdry little tosser? The name is a gift sounding like it’s lifted from a third rate old actor/manager fallen on hard times and playing minor character parts in bad 1950s B movies or a headline from the News of the World circa 1962. Only difference between the Tory sex scandals orf the 60s and today is there are no dodgy prossies and Russian KGB pimps involved. We knew how to rock the establishment in those days.

Come lately to prominence for sexting and emailing snaps orf his decrepit little cock to sad slappers on social sites various. Not really my field but doubtless The Eye can enlighten us. Allegedly at least a dozen photos and more in assorted porno poses. A source told the Sun on Sunday: “He asked her to send an explicit picture back but she refused. The woman had no idea he was married and was horrified when she discovered the truth.”

The victim orf a classic newspaper sting, the horny little cunt was duped into online flirtatious chats and photo exchanges, and sent a graphic snap exposing himself while wearing a pair of paisley pyjamas. After an undercover reporter sent him an explicit picture supposedly of “Sophie”, Newmark then asked for a more explicit picture “Without your hands in the way and legs parted”. He then said: “I’ll send you something in return….”

Caught with his pants down and plastered all over the internet what has a pervie little cunt left to do but to pull a sickie. “I will be beginning residential psychiatric treatment for the next few weeks in the hope that professional help will enable me to salvage my life and my family.”

Mr Brooks Newmark has since resigned his post as Minister for Civil Society, a job that apparantly involved enhancing the exposure orf wimmen in Government circles. Some success surely. He has indicated to the Prime Minister that he will not fight the next erection.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke