Team Building

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I think most have had to endure the indignity of the out of office “team building day”

The evil harpies in Human Resources spend the entire year plotting how to put people into non functioning disparate teams, just for this one day of humiliation. It’s a bit like the hunger games but with string and ping pong balls.

But a constant of the universe means in any given dysfunctional team, there will be one control freak who “knows” how to make a bridge out of paper and spit.

The rest of us fuck off to the bar, trying to work out the seemingly intractable problem of getting the knickers off Tracey from accounting

Nominated by: Andy C

David Cameron [18]

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David Cameron deserves yet another cunting. For the past couple of years, he’s been droning on about getting reforms and clawing back powers from the EU. He’s been doing this, despite the fact the leaders of the EU, and heads of member states, having been consistently telling him he can go and fuck himself, and that he’d better do as he’s told.

To anyone with a brain, it’s been patently clear from the start that Cameron’s chances of renegotiating treaties and clawing back powers from the EU were roughly the same as a South African Mars probe finding Rupert the Bear moonwalking with Michael Jackson. Tonight, he’s finally admitted that there will be no treaty change before the referendum. Which means that despite talking to the heads of each member state over the past few months, he has absolutely fuck all to show for that jet setting, except a huge fuel bill that you and I will have to pay for.

Cameron is an arrogant cunt. Even his own his mother once admitted that he never listened to anyone but himself. He knows full well that He’s not going to get anything from those spunk monkeys who run the EU, but he carries on regardless with the pretence that he’s going to renegotiate Britain’s membership of the New Soviet Union. So arrogant, and contemptuous of the British people is Cameron, that he seems to assume we’re all a bunch of drooling morons, who won’t notice that he’s wasting his time.

We all know that Cameron, like most of those tools in Westminster, is a rabid Europhile. And the reason he’s running around all the EU countries, is that he’s stalling on holding the referendum. He seems to be hoping that something is going to happen that will turn the heads of the British people. Something that will give him a unanimous yes vote to staying in the EU. He’s wrong. Just like he’s wrong over winning concessions. Every President and Prime Minister of an EU member state has told Cameron that Britain will not get any treaty changes. They were unequivocal. Yet Cameron deliberately doesn’t hear them.

And it’s not just the EU charade that ignores the will of the British people over. There’s also foreign aid, immigration, defence, education, etc. He has his own plans for what should happen with them, and those are the plans his government will be going with and fuck everyone else. I’m at a point now where I hate Cameron even more than I hate Gordon Brown. And I fucking despise Gordon Brown.

Eventually, we will get the referendum. Personally, I think Cameron and the EuroQuislings will get their way. If, however, a miracle happens and the majority vote to leave the EU, that won’t be the end of it. Does anyone seriously believe that Cameron and most especially, the EU, will simply accept and respect that decision? Of course they won’t. France and Ireland both had referenda on some issue regarding the EU about ten years ago. Initially, both countries voted no to whatever it was they were having a referendum on. So there you had it, the people had spoken. Democracy in action. Except it wasn’t. Because the EU refused to accept defeat and made the French and Irish hold another referendum.

The same will happen here. If we vote to leave the EU, Cameron will make us vote again. And again. And again. Until we vote to stay in. And even IF the result is respected, Cameron and the EU will make our withdrawal as prolonged and painful as possible, in the hope we’ll get fed up and decide to stay in the EU.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Mime

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Had occasion to spend a couple orf days in Berlin on business. First to admit I cannot stand the krauts but do like to get slaughtered on a spot orf weiss bier. A simple enough pleasure at my age you may think but not a bit orf it. As soon as the fraulein deposited me tankard orf Goering’s finest I am surrounded by a commando orf mime cunts. White flat caps, white gloves, white face, the whole fucking schmeer.

Bastard kraut cunt shoves his fissog into mine and gives me the old garlic sausage breath so I give him the old double Churchill straight in the mush “Fuck orf cunt”. Problem is, and this will mark your card, the krauts think this kind orf caper is “funnee”. Some fat bint with black buttons on her tits gives me a leaflet. Apparently the whole orf the EU is hosting a festival orf mime, universal language bollocks and crap.

Cunters, stay out orf Europe for your own sanity until these mime cunts crawl up their own arseholes and vanish in a puff orf fart.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

The SNP [4]

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The SNP are cunts. Financially illiterate cunts. Scotland cannot stand on its own feet without Englands subsidies.

The UK works (just) and has influence (not so much these days) because of what the ‘U’ in UK stands for you stupid bagpipe fondlers. Undo that and you’ll be back in the days of Robert ‘Spider botherer’ Bruce, living in mud huts and foraging for haggis. Fucking idiots.

SNP = Simply No Point …

Nominated by: Fleaboy