Star Wars fans

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Star Wars fans are cunts… Don’t get me wrong, I loved the original trilogy (although Return Of The Jedi was a bit shite!)…

But these cunts – grown fucking adults – who dress as fucking Yoda, queue for hours to get an autograph from some unknown fucker who appeared onscreen for 10 seconds in a Stormtrooper costume in 1977, and treat the Jedi like it is a true spiritual path are complete and utter cunt trumpets…

That new villain looks like a piss-poor Darth Vader too.. Black cloak and mask? Red lightsabre? Been done and it won’t be bettered… His name is hardly menacing either… Kylo Ren? Sounds like an episode of the Ren & Stimpy Show: where the dog and cat duo learn kung-fu…

Nominated by: Norman

WTF! There was a cunt of a Star Wars fan on the Beeb this morning who been queuing for a ticket since December 5th!!!

And the Beeb and Sky are cunts as well for presenting this as mainstream news. Never mind Syria or the EU non-renegotiation, the lead story is the latest over-egging of a second rate shite film. I’m a big SF fan, but Star wars is second rate bollocks…

Nominated by : Dioclese

Craft beer

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So called craft beer is a cunt. Or specifically American craft brewers are cunts who produce some of the most obnoxious filth I have ever tasted in my extensive beer swigging life. Some of it is just undrinkable, like it has everything turned up to 11.

So what if you know about strike temperatures and grist to liqour ratios and so what if you use only the most obscure 6 row barley specially imported from fuck knows where? It’s all a bit pointless if you can’t drink the fucking stuff. Jalapeno flavour beer? Coffee flavour beer? Pumpkin flavour beer? How about a beer flavour beer you fucking cunt? Or would that be too “traditional” for you, you bushy bearded base ball cap the wrong way round wearing tattooed cunt?

And why make it 7% ABV? For fucks sake, how are you supposed to swig a gallon of 7% beer? And they are not shy with it either, 10 dollars a pint. They even have the same shit in Bangkok only its even more expensive here as its over 8 quid a pint which is more than most Thais see in a week. Cunts.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

Lionel Messi

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Lionel Messi is a cunt…

I’m not disputing the lad’s talent, but the hype he gets is absurd… Not to mention him being FIFA’s favoured child (how he won player of the 2014 World Cup, I’ll never know)… Sure, he’s good with the ball, but opposition defenders aren’t allowed to touch him, he plays on pitches that are like carpets, he plays with a lightweight ball and boots, and players are always so respectful to him (ie: they kiss his arse)…

What Messi does not do is play on pitches that are frozen rock hard or mudbaths, play against the hardest and dirtiest players (Hunter, Yeats, Bremner, Chopper Harris etc), he doesn’t play with a heavy duty leather ball and with heavy boots, and he’s also never shagged a Miss World…

Messi better than George Best? My arse…

Nominated by: Norman

The Sex Pistols

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The Sex Pistols are routinely cited as one of the greatest bands in history, along with their debut (and only) album Never Mind the Bollocks… The truth is the Pistols had nothing to do with music or youth culture…. They were simply one of the greatest marketing operations of all time, whose rise to fame was made immensely easier by the shockingly backward state of 1977’s society…

If there’s one revolution the Pistols kickstarted, it was the idea that anything shocking – no matter how dumb, vacant, or closer to the lowest common denominator – is going to generate cash, and that’s the harvest we’re still reaping to this day with gems a-la Pete Doherty, Liam Gallagher, or even Jade Goody…. Get your name in the paper through whatever stunt or nonsense, look wasted, wear the right clothes and wag that oh-so-rebellious finger and half the job’s done…

Look at the publicity generated by one of the most stupid moments in the history of British telly, the Bill Grundy interview in which the affected young clowns make the presenter’s job stupidly easy. “Go on, you’ve got another ten seconds. Say something outrageous.” “You dirty bastard”. “Go on, again”. “You dirty facker! Worra facking rotta!”. If you’ve got a pet dog at home you may know exactly how it works…..

And then there was that swastika wearing, samckhead, psychotic prick, Sid Vicious… He was a proper cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

Music festivals

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It is that time of year once again, that big glowing orb in the sky makes an appearance for a few days, alcohol is consumed and Asda do a roaring trade in BBQ food, disposable BBQ’s and over priced salad.

Glastonbury, T In The Park, Latitude, Reading Festival, all fucking crap over-priced corporate shifests.
Pay £200 to pitch a tent in a field, listen to the most synthesized crap pop music, get charged £6 for a burger & £8 for a pint of Fosters, oh and of course if the Sun is shining pay another £15 for a hat from the scummy stall sellers and if you are in to New Age shite you are in luck, grab a Dreamcathcer for a mere £30.

Packed with scum, students, hippies, goths, hipsters and middle class middle aged arseholes.
I can think of no better a punishment to inflict on someone, not my idea of fun and a good way to spend £500+ on a weekend!

And of course, there is the fact some cunt will try to steal your tent or clothes and the usual violence

I’d rather go watch Peter Andre in concert, now there is a CUNT to rival Bono…

Nominated by: John Boy Bolton