Cats

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Do Foxes eat Cats? Or more rather can they be trained to like feline meat?

I’m fucking fed of the neighbours cats shitting on the front street (in the piles of gravel that council workers can’t be arsed to sweep up no less) so that I can’t have the windows open in the front of the house, because on a hot day the cat shit stinks.

And I can’t sit in the back garden because the little cunts have tag team shitting contests in my herbaceous borders, which also smell ripe on a hot day.

I’m not allowed to poison them, or take them over to Derbyshire. Old Reynard and family like the bins but there can’t be much sustenance in them, maybe I could just fillet a few kitties and give him a taste for them…

Nominated by: The Captain

Chris Spivey

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Chris Spivey is a cunt. A gargantuan cunt. A pig-ignorant, barely literate, inarticulate conspiracy theorist cunt with a website on which he posits his ridiculous theories that pretty much every major national disaster and/or world tragedy is a hoax staged by “crisis actors” sponsored and arranged by the government of whichever country the event takes place in.Spivey is a typical under-achiever with nothing to show for his life but his tattoos and therefore has only his hilarious insights and idiosyncratic notion of “the truth” left to bequeath to posterity. His website is littered with self-dramatising crap about his arrests and lack of support at court appearances, how he won’t go to hospital in case he’s murdered by the establishment, and photos of his pets and infant grandson presumably designed to elicit sympathy (or “illicit sympathy” as Spivey would surely write).

9/11? Inside job.
Australian coffee shop? Faked.
Lee Rigby? Didn’t happen (in fact Spivey alleges that one of the “killers” was in fact the boyfriend of a Bristol-based “crisis actor” who took the role of the female Australian lawyer “killed” in the Sydney coffee shop).
ISIS hostage beheading videos? Hoaxes.
Glasgow bin lorry crash? Staged (and the motive for that would be what, Chris? You’re slightly sketchy on this…).

Tell all the above to the families of the allegedly fictitious victims – or are they crisis actors too? And presumably that means their friends and neighbours, extended families and everyone they work with and went to school with must be crisis actors also? Fuck me, being a crisis actor sounds like a job for life – where can I apply?

And now the cunt is even suggesting that the mugging of disabled pensioner and Tony Robinson-lookalike Alan Barnes (the crime that prompted that recent massive whipround) was a huge con. According to medical expert Dr Spivey, Barnes is not a pensioner at all, just a young guy with a progressive ageing disease and the so-called mugger was, presumably, a crisis actor (once again, no credible motive offered).

Egged on by a tiny band of fucktard believers, each one a cunt in his or her own right of course, Spivey frequently points to “anomalies” in tabloid news reports as “evidence” of his laughable theories.

Just like thecolemanexperience (cunted previously) who often links to the Daily Mail (of all places!) for his “evidence”, the Cunt Spivey either fails to realise or conveniently ignores the fact that tabloid journalists deliberately fabricate, embellish and distort their stories to make them more sensational – so of course the truth and the facts won’t ever bear much relationship to what you find in the tabloids, but there’s no conspiracy – it’s just that tabloid journalists are lazy, unethical, unprofessional cunts, as has been demonstrated time and time again over the last few years.

Likewise, as any fule kno, reporters on 24-hour rolling news channels routinely present ill-informed conjecture and speculation instead of verified facts – but they are not trying to mislead, they simply don’t have the full story and are just desperate to fill airtime so they waffle on regardless.

Anyone who sees anomalies or inaccuracies in tabloid news stories or 24-hour rolling news reports as “proof” of so-called “false flag operations” is a monumental cunt who urgently needs their fucking head examined. And that’s all Spivey’s “revelations” essentially consist of – Spivey insisting “it couldn’t have happened the way The Sun/Mirror say it did because…” – and that’s true, Chris, very often what appears in the tabloids beggars belief – but only because tabloid hacks unashamedly make the stuff up, you silly cunt! Once you realise that tabloid owners are in it to sell papers by entertaining readers, not by reporting the truth, maybe your hilarious paranoia will subside a little?

Undoubtedly there have been a lot of historical establishment cover-ups (paedophilia and murder at Dolphin Square, Elm Guest House, Cyril Smith, etc), but the problem with cunts like Spivey and thecolemanexperience is that by presenting serious, credible issues like these within the same context (ie on the same websites) as all their ludicrous “false flag” bullshit, they only serve to damage the plausibility of those cases which truly do merit investigation.

The only “inside job” I want to see is the one where the fucking delusional cunt Spivey tops himself.

Nominated by: Fred West

Neil Hamilton

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For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Emma Spencer

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Emma spencer is the witch faced, peroxide blonde and cretinous presenter of Channel4 Racing.

This odious cunt has about as much charisma as Adrian Chiles rectal passage, her interview technique seems to revolve around 3 questions and as soon as there is any rain at the races the lazy cunt does nothing but hide from the rain (I am sure she must have worked for the Council in the past).

She is absolutely minted (Daddy’s money of course) but she still feels the need to advertise any old gambling cunts (Ladbrookes, 888sport) and seems to believe she is attractive because of a few sad cunts on Twitter who’s whole lives revolve around wanking.

Fucking CUNT

Nominated by: Phil Spencer

Michael Winner [2]

Michael Winner in 1986

Knew the cunt a few years back. Would answer the telephone pretending to be his own secretary. Had a whole string of ex lady loves he kept sweet by letting them think they were in for substantial legacies on his demise. The last one was looking after the terminal tosser in the belief that she would get the mansion in Holland Park.

He did have plenty of readies but it was all cash from multiple mortgages and loans on his properties. Did not own a bean. Fine old to-do now, m’learned friends etc etc. Warring next of kin, banks, mortgage companies all unaware of each others conflicting claims. Rather delicious actually.

Postumous cunting for old time’s sake? He would enjoy that.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Seems that I failed to notice the demise of Michael Winner back in January. What an odious little cunt he was. Went everywhere by private jet because he hated travelling with the plebs. I hear say that he used his celebrity to pay for it rather than a cheque as he was reportedly bust.

Remember his ‘Calm down, dear!’ advert? How the mighty had fallen to sink to that.

Met him once in Barbados when he was blagging his way to the best table in the restaurant at Sandy Lane. Unfortunately for him, the table he wanted was occupied by my party. ‘Do you now who I am?’ he said. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘you’re the odious little yid that isn’t getting this table. So fuck off!’

He fucked off. Like I said, odious little cunt…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Barbados must be a much nicer place now he’s not there!

Nominated by: Mrs D.