Multiculturalism is a cunt, why do I say this – because, as a middle-aged English white guy, it excludes me.
If I was a Somalian people trafficker enabling people to drown in the Med by selling them fake passports at Honda Civic prices and cramming them on leaky balloons then I would be an oppressed hero.
If I was a Syrian freedom fighter beheading people and yelling at the crucified that my version of Islam was the best then I would be cool.
If I was an Asian programmer who’d gotten a job through the Asian IT mafia network I would be cool even if I did not have a clue what I was doing.
But as a middle-aged white English guy looking after his chrysanthemums on a sunny afternoon I am automatically a bigoted racist colonial fucktard and I deserve everything I get.
I have never met an Indian who did not hate me for the partition and two hundred years of colonial rule. If you can’t forgive me – even though I was not responsible – then fuck off back to your overcrowded caste system, you useless cunt. Indians and Pakistanis own all the corner shops and hate me for it. Then they buy the supermarkets and hate me even more. Then they make damn sure their kids excel at school and become lawyers and doctors and rub my nose in it because I am white and English and that makes me a drunk and lazy dole bastard. But that does not stop some of them from being the same corrupt shifty bastards they were when they first arrived.
If you are Asian you will be elected in a predominantly Asian area, if you are white then fuck off.
In Bristol and Liverpool, blacks hate me for the slave trade.
The Irish are cool because they told the whole fucking world that the English are not and the world believed them and they play the same music over and over again in their pubs and turn people into useless plastic Irish zombies.
In the US, Americans laugh when misfortune befalls the England because they are still fighting their War of Independence by proxy through the RA. The white English working class was entirely responsible for wiping out Native Americans. It’s true, ask an American.
The French hate us because their language is a useless cunt.
The Spanish hate us for having the temerity to sink their fucking useless Armada (we had to calm down one fucked up useless Spanish twat at a party because he was so irate about it).
Australians hate us because they are cunts, likewise New Zealanders who dig up their tractor boys every now and then to biff us at rugger and make sure we know that sheep farmers rule over useless English dole bastards and inbred paedophile public schoolboys.
The Russians hate us because they’re on the edge of nowhere and just yearn to be seen as sophisticated when deep down they are simply brutish thugs with massive inferiority complexes. The English, even in glorious defeat at Balaclava, still looked prettier in their pretty uniforms.
And then there are all those culturally wonderful South Americans who just adore fascists and Franco types and hate England because Buenos Aires has better looking streets.
Don’t get me started on Eastern Europe; most of it’s next to Russia: enough said. As for our Sino friends, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Hong Kongese, the Burmese, I don’t know what they think, I haven’t got a fucking clue.
As for the Scots, Irish and Welsh, they didn’t help in 1066, so fuck them.
But the worse thing is that our own middle and upper classes are complicit in name-calling the white English working class. They call us racist bigoted white football hooligan cunts thinking the epithet excludes them because they are superior as they went to Oxford and Cambridge and run the Foreign Office via their old boy network. But if there’s any white cunt in England who is more racist and bigoted, more of an exclusive arsehole, it’s the rich white landed gentry cunt because it’s he or she who benefited almost exclusively from the slave trade. I certainly didn’t, my grandad was a beer delivery drunk.
So fuck off multiculturalism, you cunt, unless you include me, the wholly oppressed white English middle-aged working class man.
Nominated by Samson De Vere.