Barbara Windsor [3]


I know that most people consider Barbara Windsor a ‘national treasure’, but most people are fucking wrong. What she is, is an annoying, talentless, mockney shitbag, with all the charm, wit and charisma of a rotting corpse. She ruined ever Carry On film she was in with her shite acting and her annoying laugh. And will fucking despise the bitch to my dying day because of that. What the fuck did Sid James see in her?

I’ve never watched Eastenders, so she really didn’t get on my nerves during tenure on that show. But she annoys me greatly in those shitty Jackpot Joy adverts. On their own they’re bad enough, but with this ancient harpy in them they take shite down to a whole new level. Since the ridiculous twat shows no signs of pegging out any time soon, I have no choice but to nominate her for a cunting.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Ray Winstone [2]


Get ya laptops aat. Ray Winstone ere. You slaaags might know me as the geezer in scum or Henry the fucking 8th. Don’t believe it’s me Ray ‘the daddy’ Winstone? ok…. Oi Wolsey you fucked up ya slaaag, jog on. I fucking love ya Anne.

Yeaaah was born to play Enry the fucking 8th I was. See told ya. naaah I jacked in acting, naaah I work for 365 bet full fucking time like the cunt I aaam, more readies for the daddy.

Nominated by: Ray Winstone

Jamie Oliver [3]


Jameeee fookin Oliver is an industrial-strength, weapons-grade cunt of the first order.

Just seeing the fat-tongued spastic sends me into fits of murderous rage, but hearing his cheeking fuckin chappy, mock cockney self-righteous bollox about turkey twizzlers and olive fucking oil makes me want to set fire to the cunt.

Calling his children Tinkerbell and Rumpelstiltskin would have been better than Buddy fucking Bear and Daisy Boo. I can’t remember what the twat called his other spawn, but being cursed with the surname Oliver and having that cunt for a father is enough to wreck anyone’s future. Except it won’t in their case, because as soon as they can operate a Kenwood Chef, monkey boy will lever them into one of his omnipresent shows and more talentless twats who were in the right place at the right time will spend decades pontificating about shit and get paid shedloads for it.

The world has gone fucking mad to let this fucker breathe, let alone breed.

Nominated by : Gordon Ramsey

(And his Italian restaurant in Cambridge is fuckin’ shite too! Ed.)