Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)

I would like to nominate Al-BBC staple Have I Got News for You for a cunt-therapy session. Therapy for my benefit of course, not fucking theirs.

Not only has this satirical cuntfest gone well past its sell-by date, it has fermented into an unrecognisable, putrid mass in the fridge crisper. Choice vegetables of course in this salad o’shite being Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and whichever liberal elite comedians happen to be out-cunting themselves each week as the ‘guest’ hosts.

Confession time – back in the 90s, I used like this show. I remember Paula Yates and Piers Morgan on respective episodes getting a good old cunting. That Bruce Forsyth terrorist card game was funny. The William Shatner one wasn’t bad. But the show is now just a sorry fucking self-parody tribute act. What is worse, is that like anything from the Al-BBC post 2008, it has been infested with divisive neo-lib rhetoric and goes hand-in-hand with the very fucking worst dregs you find nodding sagely to Polly Toynbee columns in the Guardian.

The political agenda is barely concealed – all parties might be mocked but it is evident where the bread is buttered by noting who gets a real kicking. Unsurprisingly, plenty of pro-EU/anti-Trump/pro-immigration bollocks can be heard within each episode; topped off with the crowd of blue-haired quinola-scoffing hemp-wanking fucktards in the audience, who have taken to cheering anything pro-EU.

I no longer watch this shitfest, but in a moment of ill-judged stupidity I tuned in for the 2017 post-election special. What a fucking monumental mistake that was. Leading the charge as host was Jo Brand: a perfect fucking encapsulation for what the corporation champions as a box-ticking ‘comedian’ and amazingly, not even the most unfunny cunt with that surname. Ian Hislop as ever doing his indignant lectures that were once cutting and revealing, but are now just dull rambling speeches into cuntdom, delivered with a constantly bemused face which is so delightfully punchable – his head is increasingly resembling a cancerous potato. Central to the shit-mix is Paul Merton, who once upon a time at least had irreverent timing and wit, now reduced to a randomly barking shitheel whose outbursts are neither funny nor indeed fucking relevant. Guests this episode were Alan Johnson – a fucking member right down to his own surname – and Ross Noble, a truly unfunny rambling fucker whose head and sigmoid colon make a perfect geometric fit.

To be fair, HIGNFY is far from the only show that has been politicised beyond any humour; but it is one of the worst and most dramatic examples of right-on hijacking that I can think of. Plus, the ‘guest’ host list could be worthy of a cunting all on its own. A special place in cunting hell is reserved for the likes of Victoria Coren-Mitchell, her chinless fucking husband David, Alexander Armstrong, Miranda Hart and fucking Eddie ‘Top Cunt’ Izzard. Every single one of these bastards boils my piss into supercritical steam.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.