Laura Pankhurst

article-0-15A99D60000005DC-881_634x495

I want to nominate Emmeline Pankhurst’s great granddaughter, Laura. Apparently, a movie has just been released by the name of ‘Suffragette’. I think you can all guess the plot. Because of it’s subject matter, the movie has been promoted to fuck by the right on media. For some reason, it’s also meant that the great granddaughter of Emmeline Pankhurst, Laura, has been wheeled out at every opportunity to talk about her illustrious relative.

The apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, because it turns out that Laura is a ‘feminist activist’, or to put it another way, ‘man hating, swivel eyed loon’. I have a certain amount of respect for Emmeline, because she was fighting genuine injustice and sexism. And she was Mancunian, which always scores brownie points with me. A Moss Sider no less, when it was still a White area.

Anyway, in the interviews I’ve seen with her, Laura hasn’t really offered any insight into her great grandmother. I haven’t learned anything about her that I didn’t already know. All she’s really done is push her ultra feminist agenda. Apparently, the fight goes on, because women still aren’t equal. Us men, (those of us who can actually be described as men anyway, not those mincing metrosexuals), still stubbornly refuse to kow tow to the dungaree wearing, shaven headed, dyke harridans.

We’re still sexist bastards apparently. Still holding women back. Not showing enough respect…blah blah blah. We all know that’s bollocks of course. Women today are far more equal than they ever have been. But it doesn’t stop the likes of Laura Pankhurst, (yes that it is her name. So either no man has been dumb enough to marry her, or she’s using her famous surname as a leg up), from whingeing and whining, and telling lies.

Look love, you’ve had your fifteen minutes of fame. You’ll never be seen as a great woman, like your great grandma. Because you’re not. Accept that, and then get the fuck back in the kitchen. Speaking of which, another advert made by a shaven headed dyke seems to have been pushed. It’s a farm foods ad, with the unfunny half of the two Ronnies. He’s talking to some old bitch about how simple they are to reheat, which brings the reply, “It’s so easy, even a MAN could do it”. Cue dumb looking husband turning around, with a thick as fuck expression on his face.

I really, really wish that fuckwits like Laura Pankhurst would shut up and fuck off! Find a real job, because the ‘job’ you have now, ironically, involves bigotry and hatred.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Dominic Littlewood [2]

S&S1

The cunt, Dominic Littlewood, is the reason I stumbled on this website.

I was watching the ‘I obey the law, and Im fully legit’ cunt on some shit show. I think it was ‘Don’t get done, get Dom’ and I thought what a CUNT. I mean that title alone is enough make him a strong favourite for Cunt of the year.

Then there is the cunt that is Dominic, don’t get me wrong sometimes he helps people who have been duped or conned and thats ok with me, what I can’t stand is his ‘I am a knight in shining armour’ smugness and him in general, the way he speaks, the way he calls people up trying to find out why they ripped off some cunt, the way he chases the rip off merchant around like a little fucking Terrier. If he chased me like that I would knock the cunt out.

Anyway, after thinking “What a cunt!”, I searched ‘Dominic Littlewood is a cunt’ and I found this website. I suppose I owe ‘Dom’ a thank you for helping me find ‘Is A Cunt’, but that does not change the fact he is a Universal Cunt. I mean imagine he was your Dad, “Dad I found a fiver” Dom replies “Now now son lets go to the police station and fill out some forms and try and get the money back to its owner”. Aaaaaaaagh the cunt pisses me off.

Dominic you fucking CUNT.

FUCK OFF.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

Tube travellers

londonunderground

That large red object there is known as ‘The scum shovel’ for obvious reasons.

The cunts that boil my piss are the arseholes that get to the tube barrier and then dig about in the bottom of their handbag for their oyster card, only to find it needs topping up. The dozy fuckers then try said oyster card half a dozen times before giving up and trotting off to the ticket machine to recharge it, creating a massive queue behind them that they have to wade back through. If half a dozen of these fucking imbeciles do this almost simultaneously at a busy station it becomes the perfect storm of fucktardedness.

Don’t even start me on fucking tourists who try and stick their oyster card into the paper ticket slot, causing the same kind of mayhem behind them previously only seen on the beaches of Dunkirk 80 years ago.
When the stupid twats finally figure it out they then stand the other side of the barrier waiting for the rest of their party, creating a human obstacle that gathers in size with every passing second.

Oh, and tourists, don’t forget to stand on the left and the right of the escalators and never bring a suitcase smaller than the northern hemisphere onto the tube in rush hour for people to trip over.

Also, don’t forget to stop at the bottom of the escalator and look totally confused as to where your going next. The pile of human bodies that is backing up behind you will really appreciate this.

You fucking retards!

Nominated by: Odin’s Balls

Bushcrafting

"For survival in the wild, you can't beat a good curry with the film crew!"

“For survival in the wild, you can’t beat a good curry with the film crew!”

God save us from the ‘amateur bushcrafter’ – a creature that buys all the books and DVD’s on bushcraft it can find. Especially those by Ray Mears, Bear Grylls and Lofty Wiseman. You’ve probably met one. They tend to wear Army surplus clothing and think they’re an expert on all things military, again because they’ve bought the books. And they usually like to try to make other people think they’re a military/bushcraft expert. I don’t know why they do that though, because they’re usually not an expert. On anything.

I am an expert on what’s known as bushcraft. I was taught about the outdoors from a young age by my Texan granddad and his Apache best friend (Native Americans are among the best people to learn this sort of thing from). I also learned a fair bit about the subject whilst serving in the Army. I even spent the last four years of my career serving as a jungle warfare instructor in Belize. But I’m only an expert because I’ve spent years practising my skills. These dicks think they can read a book and become an instant expert.

This was perfectly demonstrated earlier today. I went out for a walk in the woods behind my house. They’re quite big these woods, and one of the places I use for my wild camping trips. Near to the river that runs through the middle, I encountered two such cretins. They’d actually done an adequate job of setting up their tarps and hammocks but they were doing a piss poor job of getting a fire going. This was mainly because, despite the open book (Ray Mears) they had no idea about the correct way to build a fire. They’d all the gear though. Shiny, new stuff like a small forest axe, bushcraft knives, survival tin, med kit, etc. There was no tinder or kindling, just four large logs, about 8 inches in diameter and twice that long. They were wondering why they couldn’t get them to light. Did I mention that there was a shit load of dry grass all over the ground? Well I have now. As I’m sure you’re aware, you do not try to start a fire in an area that has that much combustible material on the ground.

So, I got them to clear the entire area that their camp was in, keeping some to help with starting their fire. To be fair, they were actually quite good students. And after only an hour, they had one of the logs ablaze. I advised them to do a bushcraft course and then went on my way. If I hadn’t been there though, they would either have started a massive forest fire, or they’d still be trying to get a fire going now.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve encountered an increasing number of people, usually young guys, who buy all the gear, and the books/DVD’s, and have absolutely NO idea what they’re doing. Sooner or later, someone is going to be seriously hurt because these dumb fucks haven’t the first clue what they’re doing. A book can’t tell them how sharp a knife or axe can be. And none of the books I’ve seen have mentioned the importance of practising the skills they demonstrate. I’ve been out hiking with my wife in the lake district, Cumbria and the Pennines and seen people hiking wearing jeans and trainers. No map or compass, just a fucking smartphone app. One idiot even asked my for directions to Ladybower dam. We were in Cumbria at the time.

In some ways, it’s good that people are taking more of an interest in the British countryside. I just wish they would clue the fuck up before heading out.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Robert Peston [4]

p02lmg00

This smug bizarrely annunciating pain in the gonads has been riding the BBC gravy train for years. The egocentric economics commentator cunt is currently stamping his little piggy trotters trying to hissy fit his employers in to paying him loads more moolah (a very good reason not to pay the licence fee) and threatening to take his talents elsewhere. Well fuck orf Peston I say and let us take a look at what the cunt has to offer.

The ugly tosser’s ego is legendary and precisely complemented by a scruffy and poorly dyed barnet. His mangling orf the Queen’s English is a crime against humanity so naturally the BBC PC Brigade has the cunt popping up all over the place. Had an ancient 2CV on the farm that would stutter to a halt like that in the rain then suddenly shoot forward full power without warning. Got £40 scrap for it. Peston’s manufactured pauses and strangulated vowels are the egocunt’s attempts to mask the simple fact that he does not know what the fuck he is talking about.

Pay the man another £Mill a year.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke