I am impelled to cunt the anglo-centric, sycophantic, foreigner hating, British punditry displayed by football ‘experts’ in the media. There has never been a more openly xenophobic collection of people than the ex-footballers and managers who get away with calling any professional who isn’t from these shores every stereotypical insult you can imagine.
Some rank-average, overpaid cunt from Gillingham can be as lazy as he fucking likes, display no skill, not show any interest, get torn apart by his opposition and these wankers are completely petrified to throw DESERVED abuse at him just in case they bump into each other on the golf course the next day. “He’s clearly out of from Jeff”, “He’ll come good Steve, class always shines through in the end”, “When you join a new club you have to allow some time for settling in Alan”. I would say “He is fucking useless, get the lazy cunt off and sell him to some Conference team for a Dairy-lea triangle. The fucking prick.”
Some fella from the hills of the Andes whose supporting about 60 of his extended family, has perfectly learnt a completely foreign language, acts like a total professional and treats all the staff and fans with respect has a dip in form for a fortnight or struggles to come to terms with a massively different pressure of expectation, and all of a sudden these fucking has-beens, and more than likely, never-have-beens spout shit like ‘He’s not up to it at this level’, ‘He’s only picking up the pay-cheque’, ‘Lads not interested’, ‘They’ve not got the mental toughness for the Premier League’. Fuck off you racist cunts and make yourselves busy by trying to finger the female presenters on Sky Sports News whilst regaling them with tales of the japes you had in Corfu one year with Dave Beasant.
United got their arses handed to them the other week by Arsenal, and rightly so, they were shit. Two fullbacks were on show that day, Ashley fucking young and Matteo Darmian. They were both awful. Darmian got pulled to pieces by the likes of Redknob, Shitty Neville and that droning cunt Shearer. ‘He wasnt good enough’ and all that shit. ‘Needs to come to terms with the pace of the league.’ ‘Has a lot to learn if he wants to succeed at United.’ Young, on the other hand, whose plied his trade in the English game his entire life, and for 70% of that time been absolute fucking dog shit, with only one foot, was handed every possible excuse by his bum-buddies back in the studios. Eventually his dire display was put down to the fact that one of the best players in the world and a World Cup Winning captain (Schweinsteiger) wasnt helping him enough. No, he was shit because he’s shit, that day and practically every other day of his career, but I’m sure your expert opinions will ensure a Christmas card from Ashley this year and the chance of a tit pic from his wife on Facebook if you’re lucky.
Last night I had to listen to one of the stupidest cunts to ever grace a football field (Ian Wright) aimlessly and without any real point defend the ability of the most over-rated sack of shit to pull on a United shirt, ever (Wayne Rooney).Some scholar had rung up to point out that Rooney has been dreadful for about 5 years, not once pulling a performance out against a team of any note whilst holding the biggest club in England to ransom and handing in a number of transfer requests. Wright was aghast that a Englishman could question Waynes quality, ignoring the facts that he’s had more opportunities than Jimmy Saville and relies on spot kicks for most of his goals. It was blind, patriotic shit that held no water when put under scrutiny, but this nonsensical arse-licking is rife from TV to radio to the Press.
The only people who should be allowed to comment on football in this country are Gullit, Souness, Dietmar Hamann and myself. The rest can fuck off to after dinner speeches.
Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto