As a change from obnoxious celebrities, arrogant jobsworths and arsewipe politicians, I would hereby like to nominate Frogs for a cunting.
No, not the ones across the Channel with the onions, Citroens and irregular bathtimes, but the green, hopping, croaking, ribbiting amphibian variety of Frog. They are without doubt the stupidest creatures on the planet. Allow me to explain.
Taking advantage of the recent warm, dry weather, Mrs B and myself decided to go to town on our overgrown garden, transforming it from a scruffy unkempt damp wasteland into a neatly trimmed area of neat grass with neat borders and a neat pathway, all topped off with a nice big shed so that yours truly can sit and drink gallons of tea, listen to Led Zep and tinker with my ancient motorcycles. The many frogs that had been lurking in the foliage were expected to migrate happily into the garden next door which is a student rental property and therefore has a garden that resembles the inner recesses of the Amazon. Instead the dopey little cunts (frogs not students) took to retreating under my shed, emerging only to get beaten up by the dog, or subjected to Gestapo style torture sessions, courtesy of the cat, that would impress Heinrich Himmler.
One daft little bastard even leapt into the whirling blades of my strimmer and got diced. Being the sort of chap who genuinely hates harming small creatures, I naturally found this somewhat disturbing. Froggy paradise lays only a short hop through the small gap in the fence to next door but the idiotic creatures seem to prefer living in the Froggy equivalent of Pork Chop Hill or The Western Front, which makes them stupid cunts with minimal survival instincts apart from playing dead, which gets them murdered slowly and brutally by man’s best friend anyway. Stupid little fuckers!
Of course the French are indeed cunts, as are students. And the SNP….. and Russel Brand…. and Piers Morgan… etc etc
Nominated by: Mr Bastard