Football fans


Football fans who refer to their club as “we”

We’ll challenge for the title, that was the year we did the double, we were unlucky there….

Fuck off with the we, you did fuck all and probably watched 99 percent of that success from your living room on Sky Sports.

Nominated by: Mr Cuntypants

Football fans in general are cunts. They buy overpriced club shirts, bore the tits off anyone stupid enough to listen while they talk about the latest wog that their club has spunked millions of pounds on,witter on about players as if they were “mates” with the cunts, hence the Giggsy, Scholesy, Becks etc. crap,get shit tattooes,and worst of all,give a platform for those cunts Lineker, Shearer and Ian Wright to spout their utter tomcuntery.

Rugby,cricket and horse racing are the only sports worth following.

Nominated by: Dick Fiddler

Sam Allardyce [2]


Amazed that nobody has cunted that fat, ugly, useless cunt Sam Allardyce.

Seeing that neanderthal grinning like a Cheshire cat on the front pages made me want to refund my dinner. “Hark”, I hear you say, “thou shalt have respect for the new England manager”. Well I don’t and here’s why.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that managing the national football team would require certain basic qualifications. Things like having been a success at the highest club level by actually winning things like league titles and cups. Has Allardyce achieved that? No. Have any of the teams he’s ‘managed’ had consistent qualifying success in European competitions? No. Has he managed any of the recognised big clubs across Europe? No. Has he had a strong track record of managing and coaching any of football’s best players? No.

So what exactly are his qualifications then? On the face of it, he doesn’t have any. So the fact he was offered the position in the first place beggars belief, but the fact he accepted it and didn’t say, “No, I’m completely unqualified, I have neither a winning track record nor mentality and my teams are generally just a bunch of thugs who kick, elbow and foul their way through games” makes him a weapons grade cunt. Absolutely cannot wait for this gargantuan prick to get fired.

Nominated by: Immitation Yank

Danny Simpson


Danny Simpson needs a definite cunting.

He gives his now ex-girlfriend, and is surprised when he ends up in court over it. He managed to dodge prison, being given 300 hours community service in a charity shop in Eccles instead. You’d think he’d be grateful at being shown such leniency. No. He went to court to get it stopped with 155 hours left, because the media had found out where he was working and were bothering him. Turns out the media had found where he was working, because the overpaid halfwit had been parking his completely unobtrusive LAMBORGHINI CUNTO around the from the shop.

Fortunately for Simpson, he got one of the many limp wristed, loony left, soft ass judges, who don’t actually know what their job is. The judge granted his request to have the community service stopped, much to the disgust of his ex-girlfriend and her family, and instead gave him a curfew of 7pm to 6am, rather than the fine he wanted.

You’d think he’d be grateful at being shown such leniency. No. Simpson went back to court to get the curfew lifted, because he wanted to go out on the piss with his Leicester City team mates, claiming it was a work commitment. Surprisingly, the judge he got today seems to have had some sense. He threw out the request for a fine, saying that it would be meaningless to a multi-millionaire. So he threw out the curfew, and ordered Simpson to wear a tag, complete the 155 hours of community. Apparently, the judge also questioned the wisdom of driving to his community service in his Lamborghini Cunto, and asked why he couldn’t take a cab.

I would imagine that Simpson is a pretty unhappy bunny. His arrogance in believing that people like him should be allowed to get away with committing crimes, has brought him firmly right back to where he was when he was first sentenced. Well let’s face it, footballers don’t get paid for their intelligence. He should be grateful though, he did at least avoid prison.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Football [3]


I would like to cunt football,all aspects of it-

Players – over paid kids with no life experience apart from acting like cunts most of the time,
management-over paid dodgy, wankers,very few of whom are British are paid an obscene amount of money to do fuck all

Fans – if they are not moaning about violence they are causing it! This doesn’t happen in any other sport,so why football? Is it due to a very large cunt ratio?

Hangers on – all the wankers selling various shit to the football cunts, counterfeit kit, out of date burger bar dog food, cans of coke with multipack on three for a fiver.

A very high cunt ratio in football. I reckon even more than the government…..

Treble cunts

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

The BBC’s FA Cup Final coverage


Once done with dedication, humour and style (actually, ITV were always better at it though), the Cup Final is now yet another victim of BBC cuntitude…

Some mong who call himself DJ Yoda (fucking sad bastard!) doing ‘loops’ of David De Gea muttering or LVG falling on his arse (someone should tell this nu-footie twat that ITV’s ‘The Big Match’ were doing comedy loops of footage in the early 70s)…

And right now there is someone on, who can only be described as some sort of ‘theatrical’ golliwog on crack, mincing through the highlights of this season’s cup ties… A quite good tribute to Jimmy Hill was on before all this crap came on, and seeing all this celeb infested, PC, let’s have an OTT black presenter shite almost makes me miss old Chinny…

Things ain’t what they used to be…

Nominated by : Norman

That Gary Lineker is a right cunt too. Knows about as much about football as he does about fucking Walker’s crisps…

As for the cup final, I’d rather sit here and write up “…is a cunt” which gives you a rough idea how much I love BBC Sport and the Cup Final in particular.

Nominated by : Dioclese