Santa Claus [2]

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Santa Claus is a right evil little cunt!

He breaks into your house, steals your food and drink, bribes your kids with tat and then sneaks into your bedroom and fucks your wife. And to top it all off, he fucked my roof last year parking his fucking sled on it. Bloody broken tiles everywhere.

And the fucking fat gutted cunt gets away with it year after year. Where’s the fucking cops when you need them, that’s what I want to know…

And while we’re at it Santa, where’s me fucking iPod? If I wanted a fucking sweater I’d have asked for it. What a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Kirsty Allsop

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Kirsty Allsop! What a fat, horrible bastard she is.

I had the misfortune to be sat in front of the telly the other night while she patronised, rolled her eyes and generally spoke to the fucking idiots who can’t find their own new house like they were, well, fucking idiots. She strikes me as a right nasty, patronising cunt of a cunt.

I don’t know how that Phil resists from turning around and booting her straight in the gash.

Nominated by: Jimbob Cunt III

Maori tattoos

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Anyone with a Maori tattoo is a cunt.

I go swimming during the week, and the state of some of the fat bloated cunts who splosh into the pool has to be seen to be believed….but they have a confidence that they simply don’t warrant having, and it’s all because they have these fucking ridiculous Moari tattoos on their arm and shoulder….and most ridiculously of all, their calf.

Wise the fuck up, you daft cunts.

It’s not cool, it’s not hard, and when you are old and wrinkly, as well as fat, white and blotchy, you’ll look like an even bigger prick.

Get a Bazooka gum transfer instead if you need some ink.

Nominated by: Dan

( and that Robbie Williams is a cunt too )

Gut fat cunts

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That’s right, FAT, not “obese” or “upsized” or whatever other don’t stress and stigmatise the damn greedy pig cunts euphimism is used. Last straw is the news that more millions of NHS money is to be wasted on gastric bands (aren’t Chas an’ Dave a gastric band?) in a futile attempt to stem the tide of bloated arses and diabetes flooding this once great nation. Will the cunts scoff less MacDonalds and slurp fewer Red Bulls and vodka? This is on top orf the reinforced ambulances and wider kazhi seats and wider doors ect ect that pcdom is rolling out at vast expense across the NHS and council housing.

Recall the days orf the Depression and the General Strike. Plenty of slim fillies around then. Fat is not beautiful. Eat less you pud’n shagging cunts.

Each new version of a motor is bigger than the last to squeeze in more gut and standard clothing sizes have all been ‘upscaled’ so that modom no longer has to wrap her cunt in clingfilm and suck in her blubber to squeeze her arse into that size fourteen. Bollocks on the table, as a time served old aristo one admits to the possession of an arse right regal generally encased in a pair of ever expanding plus fours but a way to go before I can’t lever it into me old Bentley. Enjoy me vitals and fuck orf the lot of you but I do not object to being called a fat old cunt. Par for the course donchaknow. Yet if one dare’s to return the favour to some gross slapper with her benefits goldmine fat brats taking up ten seats on the bus one is booted orf for “inappropriate behaviour”. One has one’s seniors bus pass so fuck orf. Fucking fat fascist cunts.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Fat bottomed girls

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How is it that fat, fuckin’ pig ugly women get pregnant so regularly?

My drive to work takes me past two schools. Both of which are besieged by buggy trundling, porcine, tattoo covered tubs of lard with a herd of tubby kids in tow. Whoever it is that’s insemenating these bulbous wobble-bots needs a damn good cunting.

And another thing. How is it when you’ve packed a bird in she fuckin’ slims down to become a bed snake and looks so gorgeous you take her back…Then she gets bloated again…

Cunts!

Nominated by: Fleaboy