Jeremy Corbyn [7]

I’ve read and heard a lot of people have been saying, “Corbyn is a man of principles.” I disagree.

He voted to NOT join the E.E.C. in the 70s; he voted AGAINST Maastricht; however when it came to the big one last year, the dozy bell-end towed the (Tory) party line, consequently both going against his “principles” as well as choosing the wrong side.

Furthermore, where were his “principles” during that whole train debacle? What an embarrassingly monumental turd he looked, despite the fact it was engineered by Richard “Atlantic-sized cunt” Branson.

All politicians are vile, foul, power-seeking liars. I like Mark Twain’s quote about giving the power to the person who wants it the least. Nonetheless, this time I’ll vote to whoever delivers Brexit the fucking quickest.

Nominated by captain Magnanimous

The Queen

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I’d like to cunt The Queen.

She had all those cunts under one roof, she’s probably not got long left, so what a perfect opportunity to discard Chicken Dave’s manifesto and veer dramatically off course. If only she’d said “You know what? I’m fucking sick to death of all you cunts. Tories are heartless, lying, scaremongering cunts, Labour are a total fucking shambles like a sack full of drowning puppies, LibDem cunts have been pretty much wiped out and rightly so, Greens fuck off and suck Russell Brand’s cock, SNP biggest cunts on the planet, I fucking despise the lot of you. This speech is a fucking waste of time, I’m off home to watch Dickinson’s Real Deal…”

What a classic Queen’s Speech that would have been – but, of course, Betty Windsor bottled it. Fucking cunt.

Nominated by : Fred West

The Solar Eclipse

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It was shite. Really shite. I was disappointed as fuck.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

What eclipse? All I saw were clouds…

Nominated by: Dioclese

95% totality? That description was about as accurate as the Tories 15 year austerity plan and as ambitious as Nick Clegg hoping to get elected.

Oddly enough, it prompted some strange behaviour by brickies working across the road, who at the moment of totality chose to bare their arses to all and sundry (no diamond rings there I can assure you)

Nominated by: Lez

UnfortunatIey I saw the eclipse and now can see nothing else. My eyes, my beautiful blue eyes………. Perhaps ’tis a blessing in disguise as I can’t find my matches.

Nominated by: Flaxen Saxon