David Beckham [7]

**Emergency Cunting**
David Beckham

Just back from the newsagents, where I was confronted by the sight of Beckham’s smug, self satisfied face plastered across the tabloids after dodging a speeding offence on a technicality. Just pay the fine and stop acting like such a rich, fucking smartass prick.

What an absolute bellend. Him and his stick insect missus are a match made in heaven; the perfect pairing of utterly despicable cunts

Nominated by Ron Knee

The Beckham media circus

A real front page cunting is in order for elderly footballer ponce David Beckham and his ugly brats. Every day every tabloid in the land has some vacuous photo-op like this one:

Who cares what the old media whore is up to?. Is there no level below which he would fail to stoop to get his fucking face in the papers?. He seems to think everyone is fascinated by his oxygen-wasting life, and the kids since birth have been employed to fuel. Right from the Beckham’s first born getting circumcised, to the last one looking for a school there is no part of their lives this pair of arseholes is not prepared to make public to ensure they keep in the public eye. Their insane desire for publicity seems even more extreme than Anthony Blair and his equally ugly family.

Beckham is encouraging his kids to grow up to be self-obsessed poofs.

Nominated by W.C. Boggs

David Beckham [5]

Nomination for fuckwitted thicko David Beckham. Unfortunately just switched channel to BBC1 and old dimbo is on the One (shite) Show sitting amongst a group of school kids. Now I judge, rightly or wrongly, a persons likely Intelligence Quotient by the number and locations of their ‘body art’. This thick cunt has em all up the back of his neck and all over his fucking hands. Sitting there in his sweatshirt he wouldn’t be out of place in a line of Death Row convicts. A more unnatural communicator would be hard to find with his limited and often childish awkward shyness and vocabulary. I think going for a pint with this boring muppet would have anyone reaching for the nearest corkscrew to jam up their rusty sheriffs badge to numb the fucking pain. Another case sadly of Awfully nice but shit thick.

Nominated by Kendo Nag

Thick cunt Beckham has become the face of a Chinese advert for “Cock Grease Pomade”

His image is being used to promote the brand of hair gel – whose slogan is ‘Xxtra hard’ – which is manufactured in Japan.

Cock Grease” !!! I mean, you couldn’t make it up, could you..?

Nominated by Dioclese

David Beckham [3]


David Beckham needs to fuck off now. Sick of seeing the grinning cunt everywhere, when he is not grinning he’s pulling the ‘mean look’ on his Fragrance adverts.

I bet he couldn’t drink two shots of his Whisky without getting pissed. Has been a cunt since he wore that Sarong. We will been bombarded by the Beckhams for decades now. I don’t even reckon David fucks Posh anymore, he’s been caught cheating before (silly man, getting caught) and I think it’s the money they can make being a couple which keeps them together.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

National Treasures


A cunt by any other name…

I hope everyone realises that the rest of the nation plays ‘Is A Cunt’ but has a different name for it. Everyone else calls it “National Treasures”. Think of all the people routinely referred to as “national treasures” – Stephen Fry, Sandi Toksvig, Miranda Hart, Alan Titchmarsh, even Morrissey, for fuck’s sake.


Nominated by: Fred West

Cliff Richard, “Sir” Elton John, Helen Mirren, Jeremy Clarkson and now that cunt who plays Sherlock (Jeremy Brett is ‘the’ Sherlock Holmes and Tom Baker is ‘the’ Dr. Who, so the BBC can fuck right off!).

Then of course there is there are the national treasures of the arsewipe tabloid press and the riff-raff who read them: The Beckhams, Katie “any which way you can” Price, Simon Cowell, Noel Gallagher (and his cunt of a brother), Peter Kay, Cheryl Cole, Wayne and Coleen Rooney…

The national treasure cunt quota in Britain is now massively high…

Nominated by: Norman Whiteside

The biggest cunt of a National Treasure of them all : Helen Mirren – a woman so far up her own arse she meets herself coming back the other way!

Nominated by: Dioclese