The Easter Rising

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Can I nominate all those cunts celebrating the Easter Uprising in Ireland at the moment? Most of them fucked off out of that shithole as soon as they could, only to spend the rest of their lives droning on about how fucking wonderful Ireland is.

The boring, racist, drunken cunts.

Nominated by: Guardian Hater

It’s twenty years this year since those bogtrotting, thick as pigshit, Fenian cunts bombed the shit out of my hometown of Manchester… So they can stick their Easter Uprising up their Fiddle O’ Diddle arses, to be sure to be sure!

Nominated by: Norman

Easter 1916 was on Sunday April 23rd and the Rising actually began on Monday the 24th.
These twats don’t even know their own history.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt

The Oscars

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Don’t know what the fuss is about.

The Oscars are an obvious fix designed to promote the actor or director du jour. Nominations are by industry insiders, most of whom haven’t lived in the real world outside of Hollyweird for decades.

Some of the most boring and shit films that have actually won awards should instantly point out that it is a self-congratulatory luvvie fest that isn’t worth our time.

Ignore it. Hopefully it will disappear up it’s own arsehole and leave the rest of us in peace.

Nominated by: Odin’s Balls

Review shows

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Review shows are a celebricunt magnet!

I have been trying to think of a name that describes this cunting and that is what I have come up with. You know the shows I mean where they get a load of past it, washed up Celebrities who get no work so they end up on these shows. It was alright in the seventies, and all the other nostalgic shit titles they come up with are crap shows. Some unfunny cunt or cunts tries to be funny recalling how ‘wild’ it was back then or how ‘you couldn’t be like that these days’.

That Sinitta cunt is always on them and that ‘Comedian’ Romesh Ranganathan is usually on them as well talking shit. I don’t know who are worse, the cunt ‘Producers’ of these shows who can’t come up with anything original or the Celebricunts who accept offer to talk shit on these shows. One thing is for sure you watch these shows and they get worse as they go on, and you then start to realise these Celebricunts think the show is all about them and how they felt about whatever the stupid topic is.

The cunts.

Nominated by: Black & White Cunt

The Brit Awards

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I’d like to nominate tonight’s Brit Awards for a cunting. Whilst I’m delighted that it won’t be hosted by James “Tubby McFatFuck” Corden or Davina “I’d literally kill a baby to stay on TV” McCall, I also don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Featuring performances from Adele, Coldplay, Little Mix, Justin Bieber, James Bay and Rihanna – sooooo….. I wonder what the numerous commercial breaks will be advertising (apart from plenty of plugs for bloody sport relief – another celebrity love-in)?

It’s live of course, so we live in hope that at least one of the above will fall (or be dragged) off the stage, leave a tit on display or… hopefully… be taken out by a secret TV studio assassin (my dream job). But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

In between their predictably turgid, lip-synced performances, there will of course be the awards themselves – a thousand daggers sent to the stage with each smile of those who didn’t win as they clap dutifully. Meanwhile those who do win will gush through their acceptance speeches with all the genuine emotion of Hal 9000 whilst occassionally attempting some wit that would make David Brent look positively erudite. But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Well it’s going to be an ego-fest alright – no doubt more than a few will try to make some kind of political statement, but given that our politicians struggle with this task, I don’t hold out much hope for anything sensible from a bunch of overpaid cabaret cunts.

Did I mention that I won’t be watching it?

Nominated by: Nickleby