Camelot need a cunting. I don’t do the lottery myself. Don’t need to. But as we’ve had the saga of the non-stop rollover, out of curiosity I decided to see how many people had won the jackpot. Anyone care to guess? Anybody? That’s right, none. Again. If I remember correctly, this means the lottery has now rolled over 14 times. FOURTEEN FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW. That is pathetic.
As we all know, a couple of months back Camelot to decided to cheat. They increased the price of a single line to £2, and increased the numbers from 49 to 59. They told everyone that it meant it would be easier to win. The problem Camelot had with that blatant lie, is that anyone with even a basic knowledge of mathematics would know that if you increase the numbers in a lottery, you increase the odds of winning. That means, it actually becomes harder to win. Especially the jackpot. Which has been brilliantly proven by the fact that the jackpot has now just had its fourteenth fucking rollover.
Whilst looking at the prize breakdown, I noticed something else that Cumalot have started doing, that I had no idea about. If you get two numbers, instead of getting a small cash prize, you get a lucky dip. Big fucking deal. Considering the odds of anyone winning the jackpot are currently worse than the odds of the RMS Titanic sailing into New York, a free lucky dip is about as much use as a eunuch’s testicles.
And that’s not the only bullshit Cumalot have come up with. One of my dotty, yet endearing old aunts bought me five scratch cards as a Christmas present. I got a tenner on one, fuck all on two more, and then a free scratch card on each of the last two. Cumalot must think we’re all a bunch of morons. By giving out scratch cards instead of a cash prize, they’re actually saving money, because the chances of even winning with one of the free scratch cards are quite low. You might get lucky. Then again, a low flying elephant might shit on your head.
The board of directors at Camelot are a bunch of cheating, money grabbing thieves. I hope they all come home early one day and find their wives/husbands shagging a bull mastiff. Cunts.
Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw