The Big Spell

I would like to nominate “The Big Spell” for a cunting.

Yet again this trite reality shite has been imported from the states except there they call it a “Spelling Bee”.

Basically you get a set of kids of a certain age and ask them to spell words. If they get one wrong they’re out and the words increase in difficulty and length until the last man’s standing (or child as the case may be).

Ok, my problem with this stems from my own childhood at age 11 – prior to going to “Big School” – we were given tests to decide what class you’d end up in in high school ranging from the brightest in group 1 to the remedials in group 7.

At age 11 I had a reading age of 15 but a spelling age of 7. They even had me Mam up to have a word – like she could do anything about it – soft cunts. I spelled stuff as it sounded but I was able to discern the differences while reading, i.e., I could parse what I read but couldn’t reproduce it when writing it out.

I was basically a lazy cunt but a summer of cribbing up on my phonetically challenged spelling saw me as good as my peers when I did enter high school.

Ok – to get to the cunting – a girl in my street, and she was lovely, a really nice girl, could remember anything. She was truly gifted in that sense, but, she was as thick as day old porridge. However because she had this savant-esque memory she could spell anything.

My issue with this shite is this: what’s more important, knowing what a word means or knowing how to spell the cunt?

I was asked to spell “immaculate” and got it wrong. The girl breezed it, I’d missed an ‘M’ out. As I was feeling “shammered” (to quote a Stokey expression) I did say: “Yes and what does it MEAN!?!” – a little unfair because it was the teacher who’d gotten on my tits.

So the teach retorted: “Well what does it mean?” to me and as quick as a flash I said: “Clean, pristine, spotless.” to which the cunt said: “Ah yes but can you spell those as well?” – cheeky cunt! That one burned in me for years! Cunt teacher – but I still liked her as well, I suppose.

Anyway what is the fucking point of knowing how to spell something if you don’t even know what it means? Any cunt can parrot learn swathes of text/literature but what use is that if there’s no understanding of the sentiment/semantics of that text?

Fucking pointless if you ask me – hence the cunting.

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt

Royal Mail [2]


The Royal Mail are cunts.

My cousin, Mark has applied for some night work over the Xmas period to get a few extra quid on top of his day job. He applied and they sent him an email telling him he’s been invited to something called a ‘registration event…’ But instead of giving him a date, time and place the cunts just sent a link: which leads to a fucking great big error page. He also tells me his application won’t even show up or print out either.

Anyway, he’s complained (and others too, no doubt), but the twats don’t seem arsed. It’s been three days since he got the message and their site is still fucked and riddled with problems. I’ve told him, if they can’t even provide a decent service and treat people properly then he shouldn’t even bother with them.

I hope TNT put them out of business eventually, the useless, clueless cunts…

Nominated by: Norman

Jeremy Corbyn [3]


This cunt Corbyn is the Jeremy Beadle of politics.

You know what I mean: just one 5 second glimpse of the cunt and you want to whip him to death with an electric cable. Same applies to that scouse cunt who hasn’t worked for years, claiming that he’s got a phobia about leaving his home. Death by artillery fire would soon sort the lazy cunt out.

Nominated by: CuntFuckScousers

Morrissey [3]


Morrissey is a clueless dumb cunt who worships PETA whose track record is pretty fucking shady to say the least.

To begin with the fact that they endorse celebrities who wear shit loads of fur all the while telling people don’t kill animals or eat them. You know just eat salad and nuts for the rest of your bloody fucking life and that Ingrid Newkirk is a real fucking cunt I’d like to slap the shit out that ugly slag cunt she’s responsible for this whole mess.

Also PETA has killed 78% of the animals they rescued in 2013 btw there is no money rescuing animals zip zero none hence why they kill so many. Morrissey just die you has been cunt or at least realize your a dumb stuck up douchebag who can’t write a decent song anymore.

I’m off to eat some hailal bacon

Nominated by: Titslapper

Chris Spivey [2]

A monkey wearing a Chris Spivey T-shirt

A monkey wearing a Chris Spivey T-shirt

Chris spivey deserves a massive re-cunting as the fat ignorant conspiracy theorist cunt is claiming, predictably, that the Tunisian massacre didn’t happen and was staged by “crisis actors”…

Nominated by: Fred West

A cunt out of his own mouth :

your own common sense should leave you laughing at events such as this latest crock of horseshit coming out of Tunisia

Lying British crisis actors more commonly known as Pondlife Traitor Arse-wipe Shitheads make up some hysteria inducing old bollocks after being trapped in their own tiny fucking minds and given a strict mandate to work non-existent Terrapins hurling FUCK ALL at anybody into their fantasy

The gunman who was later shot dead was named as Seifeddine Rezgui, 23 – in other words, an unpronounceable name commonly given over to nonexistent terrapins by the woefully inadequate, government sponsored false flag, scriptwriters

15 Britons were among the 38 who were mercilessly killed in the massacre yesterday and that number ‘may well rise’, Tunisia’s Foreign Minister Tobias Ellwood has said. Yeah, Tobias will be waiting on a phone call from the Cunt Cameron to tell him whether to increase the number of British dead or not.

7/7 was a false flag attack too although that was carried out on British soil. Are the Monkey-Boyz saying that this false flag in Tunisia was carried out on the orders of the British Government? Or did ISIS telephone the Cunt Cameron and tell him that this was an attack specifically targeting the British.

I apologize most sincerely for inflicting this piece of disrespectful, egotistical, sadly deluded piece of pond life on the public. I shall immediately commit suicide to asuage my guilt, realising that Chris will probably say that Cameron had me bumped orf in a false flag attack.

Nominated by: Chris Spivey’s Mum