Mastermind

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Mastermind. I thought the rule is that you’re only allowed one go at it. I remember Magnus Magnusson having to tell the viewers why one cheat had been disqualified in the 1980’s.

But recently there was a woman who had been on it a few years ago. Rachel Neiman. How did I recognise her? 1) She’s blind. 2) she’s very fat. 3) maybe more memorably, she has bright pink hair. She won, as well, although her specialist subject was some Radio 4 sitcom (a euphemism for SHITE) of few episodes. Mind you, her general knowledge was pretty good.

Still, seems against the spirit of the show. Unless the BBC intend to let her enter as many times as she wants until she wins the fucking thing. I emailed them earlier regarding this, but considering their history of openness and transparency regarding such things, my breath is not held.

Nominated by: Guardian Hater

Lance Armstrong

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Lance Armstrong Is A Cunt

Sliding out of the twat of a gullible woman who either forgets or never knew the name of the demon who spawned this lying, bullying cunt, Lance Armstrong has succeeded in achieving several goals in his whole useless cunting life; giving bored cunts a reason to actually get excited about the world’s second most pathetic sport (after curling), cheating his ass off during seven Tours De France in that country full of arrogant short Napoleonic cunts, bullying poor cunts like Greg LeMonde and Betsy and Frankie Andreu when they told the truth about cheating in cycling and costing them millions in earnings, corrupting cunting cycling officials into busting other two wheel obsessed cunts like Floyd Landis for daring to cheat while on a team other than this evil cunt’s US Postal Service team that named after an dying, irrelevant bureaucracy that employs fat, useless cunts who regularly steal shit right from Americans’ mail, using Sheryl Crow as his emotional pillar while fighting nut cancer that this cunt gave himself after doping himself up with every performance enhancing drug known to man and beast, neglecting that same washed up cunt when she got cancer of her own, boning one of those emotionally fucked up Olsen twins with his one remaining nut, giving false hope to bald, vomiting kids in cancer wards and then spilling his guts to that overpaid and over-worshipped twat, Oprah Winfrey whose cunt probably looks like my wallet.

Nominated by: TIG

Neil Hamilton

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For fuck’s sake what’s the matter with you cunts?!?

I cannot believe that no cunt out there has ever cunted this cunt on “…is a cunt”. And now just to make things worse, his cunt of a mate Farage has finally managed to get the cunt onto UKIP’s NEC. What’s the matter with UKIP? Have the cunts got a death wish?

This cunt is a fucking electoral liability. The rank and file membership think he’s a cunt, I think he’s a cunt and, frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if the fragrant Christine thinks he’s a cunt.

Neil Hamilton is cunt amongst cunts; a veritable ubercunt; a cunt so large it could could swallow the Houses of Parliament. Whole. In one gulp. Cunts don’t come more cuntish than that!

Yes, Neil Hamilton IS a cunt – and anyone who disagrees is also a cunt.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Mike Hancock

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How could any woman resist him?

That fucker Mike Hancock is a cunt. Can’t keep his cock in his pants, when he’s not shagging Russian spies, sexting teenagers or sexually assaulting the mental defectives that vote for him, he’s setting up his family with cushy sinecures by abusing his position as a city councillor or fraudulently claiming thousands for non existent expenses accrued during the course of his “duties”.

If the stars of the firmament were suddenly to rearrange themselves in order to spell out “Hancock is a Fucking Prick”, several light-years large, it would by no means be even half-way sufficient to adequately express how much of a cunt this man really is.

He is, of course, a fucking Liberal Democrat.

Nominated by: Termujin

Rolex

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The Rolex watch. Worn by luminaries. Visionaries. Champions.

According to the adverts “It doesn’t just tell time.”

Yes, it does you pretentious cunts. And what’s more it’s worn by rich cunts with more money than sense.

Twenty grand for a watch? What the fuck for? I got a fake one from a bloke in Hong Kong for £50. It just tells the time. What more do could you want? Apart from snobby cunts fawning over it, obviously.

Nominated by : Dioclese