Alastair Campbell [4]

I have always thought that Alastair Campbell was singularly arrogant and unpleasant little man, but his appearance on GMTV yesterday morning was beyond the pale even for him.

In a three way ‘discussion’ with Piers Morgan and John Redwood, Redwood hardly got a word in while he and Morgan descended into a mutual slagging match. Now Morgan’s a bit of a cunt, but he did say “I voted Remain, but I accept the result so fair do’s. Campbell furiously told Morgan to ‘shut up’ and complaining that Morgan wanted to only hear ‘his own monologues’ as the two gestured angrily at each other. That’s a bit rich coming from Campbell.

Morgan continued: “David Cameron, a week before the referendum, went on national television and addressed the British people. He made it absolutely crystal clear in simple language, this would involve the single market and customs union and that there would be no second vote. This was it. This was a once in a lifetime decision. This idea that somehow seventeen and a half million people are so thick that they didn’t hear him say it, and didn’t understand what it meant, I think it’s so insulting!

But then Alastair Campbell is insulting, arrogant, self opinionated and dishonest. Why isn’t he in jail for ‘sexing up’ the ‘dodgy dossier’ that took us into an illegal war in Iraq?

Is it because he’s above such things? On a higher intellectual plain to us plebs?

Or is it just because he’s an obnoxious little cunt?..

Nominated by Dioclese

Theresa’s Brexit plan

Hello children. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. Today’s story is about Nanny Theresa and her box of Brexit plans.

Now, Nanny T, according to Reuters, spent last Friday showing her withered old box to a lot of people and trying to get them to all agree that it was a lovely box full of wonderful plans. Well, children, when we try to get everyone to agree to something this is called “finding a consensus” and it involves all the people who Nanny T thinks are important.

On Friday Nanny T tried to find a consensus of her ministers, her divided Conservative Party and the Northern Irish lawmakers who prop up her minority government. But naughty Nanny T forgot some people didn’t she, children. Can you guess who she forgot? Come on, hands up if you know the answer.

Yes, Boris – please Miss, is it pikey bastards? Good guess Boris but no, that’s not the answer.

Yes Jacob – is it Albanian criminals Miss? No, Jacob – good try but not correct.

Yes Nigel – is it peacefuls driving on the pavement Miss? No, Nigel.

David, you’re a clever boy, who do you think naughty Nanny T forgot about? Is it spineless senior police officers Miss? No, David.

Well children, it is a difficult question so I’ll give you a clue to the answer – 17.5 million voters. Treacherous cunt.

Nominated by Fimbriations

Dogs Against Brexit

An emergency cunting for the league of remoaner tossers who’ve descended on Parliament today, with their yappy little Yorkshire Terriers, Shit Tzus and Bicon Bitches (you made me look those up, you cunts!). I’d love nothing more than to steel toe punt these pathetic little butt sniffing cunts over the horizon, along with their repulsive owners.

Apparently Brexit means less veterinarians and over priced wanky dog toys. Personally I couldn’t give a toss so long as there’s no shortage of doggy bags to keep my local kerbs relatively link free. If all these frivulous novelties get more expensive and less cunts buy these rugby ball sized stanky mutts as a result, then I’m for Brexit even more!

I hope Westminster council saves all the full doggy bags from today and hurls them up on to that cunts ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ sign at Pimlico Plumbers.

Nominated by The Big Chunky Cunty

The Chequers Hokey Cokey

On 24 June 2016, I felt true elation. The day before. 17.4 million Britons had played ‘x marks the spot’, and delivered a two-fingered salute to the European Union. We’re OUT. We’re throwing off the corrupt, stifling stranglehold of the EU, so kiss my ass Juncker, you pisshead cunt. ‘Brexit means Brexit’ said Mrs May.

Erm, two years on, and we’ve got ‘The Chequers Plan’, the government’s proposal for effecting our withdrawal from The Fourth Reich. Now I’ve tried to navigate my way through the detail, but I’ve become bogged down by some bureaucratic obfuscation. Terminology notwithstanding, I think I’m getting a handle on some of the essentials, and what I’m seeing is giving me the right hump.

Take the matter of immigration, a crucial issue during the referendum campaign. According to May, the Plan means an end to free movement as far as we’re concerned. Instead, we’ll get ‘reciprocal mobility arrangements’. Excuse me? Does it sound to you that we’d be taking back control of our borders as far as THAT bit of mumbo jumbo goes?

Then there’s the question of finance. We’re ponying up £30-40 billion as a divorce settlement, yet on top of this, we’ll be liable for shelling out further unspecified billions annually on the likes of EU aid programmes and ‘defence funding and co-ordination’, under ‘an association agreement’.

What about the all important question of law?. A ‘joint institutional framework’ is proposed, to facilitate UK-EU arrangements. But agreement on our part means that we’ll be subject to the EU’s ‘common rulebook’; in effect, rulings of the European Court of Justice will take precedence over those of UK courts.

As I see it, essentially the UK will still be subject to diktats from the Fuhrerbunker.
Our businesses will be forced to abide by EU regulations, and ECJ rulings will be binding on our citizens, while we will have no representation within EU institutions. We’ll be rule-takers, NOT rule-makers; out, but not REALLY…

I could go on, but I hope you’ve got my point. The EU wants to kick us to discourage others from following our lead, while getting its claws on as much of our cash as possible, all while pursuing its own dubious political dream of a ‘superstate’ run by the Brussels elite.
‘Brexit means Brexit’? Not on the basis of this fucking Judas sell-out. To quote Jacob Rees-Mogg, ‘Chequers is NOT Brexit’, and he’s bang on the money; it AIN’T what we voted for. No Mrs M, you can take your plan and fuck off over there. Then when you get there, you can fuck off again.

Meanwhile you folks, let’s all do the Chequers Hokey Cokey. We’re IN, no we’re OUT, in out in out shake it all about…

Nominated by Ron Knee

Jean Claude Juncker [4]

Jean Claude Juncker is a prize cunt. After all his other anti-British bullshit, he’s come out with a corker. In a recent speech, he’s now saying that British planes flying into EU member states will banned from landing, and if they ARE allowed to land, will face a FOUR day quarantine. Someone really should be keeping this corrupt little Hitler away from the sauce. We have agreements with countries all over the world, including EU countries, dating back to 1947 that allow British airlines to enter foreign airspace and land at their airports, it has fuck all to do with the EU.

In any case, if the EU did try to enforce this ban, they would have to enforce it with ALL nations airlines, otherwise it would the EU would be proving to the entire world that they are discriminating against the UK, solely because we invoked our democratic right to leave their corrupt, totalitarian club. If we had a leader with a spine. A leader who believed in Britain, and putting Britain, they would have responded that blatant threat by pointing out that such a ban would work two ways. They would also point out that EU member states do a LOT of trade with the UK, which would drop to zero if the EU tried to ban British airlines from EU countries.

Unfortunately, we don’t have a leader. We Theresa the appeaser. A woman who, it’s recently been reported, is considering watering down the UK’s ability to make free trade deals with the rest of the wall, on the off chance the EU will agree to give us a shitty deal when we leave.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

On the day we leave the EU without a deal (CRASHING OUT) we are led to believe:

Our aircraft cant take off.
Our food standards won’t be accepted.
Our driving licences and even our cars won’t be acceptable
Pet passport delays for fuck’s sake
No UK product will be acceptable in the EU until verified which could take months or years.
Empty supermarket shelves (well, no organic quinoa)
Long queues at Dover (which seems to be the only UK port the fuckers recognise)
There will be a desperate au-pair shortage
Civil unrest will break out (except in London where it seems to be the norm)
The IRA will invade.

Every day another pile of wank is added to this list.

It is all bollocks. Fuck the EU. Fuck the Irish border and fuck the Remoaning self-interested cunts who put it about.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble