Still Open All Hours

STILL OPEN ALL HOURS is complete load of fucking shit, it’s Last of the Summer Wine reincarnated – I want to rip my fuckin eyes out and fill my eye sockets with shit. All I can think is old cunt David Jason has a arrangements with a big Wig at the BBC to give him a programme to keep his pension topped up… It’s utter SHIT!!!!!!!

Nominated by Harry Balls

Ben Innes


You have to ask yourself what sort of person goes up to a plane hijacker and asks if he can have a selfie taken with the bloke wearing the suicide bomb?

Well, I’ll tell you.

A complete and utter braindead moronic cunt, that’s what…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Having a selfie done with a potential hijacker on a plane? This is the sort of look at me cover themself in shit to get noticed attention whore of a cunt that Britain is now (in)famous for… Of course we will get thick cunts who will think Innes is great and who will say, ‘Only a Brit would do that! Good old British humour!’

Well I say what a fucking spunkbubble… If he was any sort of a man (or Brit) he’d have chinned the stupid ‘hijacker’ cunt and knocked him out cold… Instead, this is the sort of knobhead who would do anything to get noticed… This Innes cunt would probably have a selfie done with someone like Hitler or Peter Sutcliffe, just to get his narcissistic mug plastered all over social media and the papers…

This wankstain makes me ashamed to be British… Fucking cunt…

Nominated by: Norman

The new barbarians


There was a loud cunt on the train the other day tearing up about 7-year-olds not being allowed to have transgender surgery on the NHS.

The dirty orange slag had tattoos on its face, about 50 rings in its ears nose and tongue, and spherical rubber tits (that were hanging out and smelling bad, with DIY tattoos of names on them – “left” and “right” it looked like).

This cunt then started shouting that all migrants should be allowed ‘in’ and how ‘she’ wanted to put one up in ‘her’ student accommodation, but the university (a polytechnic day-prison for idiot filth that hands out arse-wipe degrees for £60,000 a pop) would not allow it (and the decision was racist).

Next the poxy bitch was whining about being skint, not being able to get a job as an Enrichment Officer (WTF is that!) with her local council (because they were cutting back on essential services – ‘she said’?) and how ‘she’ would never be able to afford to buy a home or even a car.

To get to the fucking point – everybody under 30 is a cunt. They have been so brainwashed by state education (“no reading today children – we are going to learn about the joys of sodomy and diversity breeding”) and the media (“Buy a £50 plastic sofa stuffed with used jam rags!) the cunts are clamouring for their own descent into miserable wretchedness and even extinction – yet they still have some rudimentary grasp of reality but illogically always go against their own interests to follow conditioning.

Fuck em all – the cunts. They do not deserve a decent life .

“Cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the dogs of war” on the mindless filth.

Nominated by: Oden Days

Emma Tapping


Emma Tapping is a cunt…

This daft bitch shows off all over social media about her expensive 300 presents Xmas haul for her three kids, yet she’s now bleating that she doesn’t want her pictures splashed all over the papers… She has no problem rubbing her lavish spending habits in less fortunate peoples’ faces, but she cries foul when it backfires and she looks like a cunt…

Well, you know what they say: a cunt is as a cunt does…

Nominated by: Norman

Middle Lane Hoggers


It probably comes as no suprise to most that some middle-lane hogging cunt has been quite literally shunted out of it by a lorry on the M1, the driver of which was probably fed up with these fucking muggles who clog up the motorways on a daily basis. Lorry driver will obviously be demonised in the Daily Fail, lose his job, etc…

Predictably, the middle-lane moron had dashcams fitted and the whole thing is on camera.
Okay, so perhaps the lorry driver could have just carried on up the inside and undertook him whilst extending the universally accepted wanker gesture. But judging by the overtake seen on the footage – the dickhead in the car was pootling along at about 50mph in the middle lane so no wonder at least one person has lost thier cool. He says the lorry flashed him and drove to close and was ‘intimidating’ him – well that’s probably just a strong indication that you’re in the wrong fucking lane at the wrong fucking speed so move the fuck over! Instead, he obviously felt so ‘intimidated’ that he though the best thing to do was stay right there… cunt.

It’s these fucking imbeciles who cause most of the congestion on the roads, make everybody late, piss everybody right off and make me wish that the Mad Max world is real.

Lorries can sometimes piss me off a bit with the old 5 mile uphill overtake manoeuvre (but in fairness everybody on the road pisses me off at some point), not but half as much as the brain-dead fuckwits that struggle with the mental challenge of breathing in and out, let alone negotiating a busy motorway, plus I always try to remember that lorry drivers are people physically ‘at work’ trying to do their jobs and stick to delivery deadlines.

So I have no sympathy whatsoever for this dashcam douchebag, and I also have no doubt that he’ll soon be coining it in from some solicitor weasel for all the ‘sleepless nights’ he’s about to have. It wasn’t ‘your life’ that flashed before you mate – it was the headlights of the pissed off driver in your rearview mirror (that thing top-centre of your windscreen). And you can bet he’ll be back in that fucking middle lane in no time. (ps – since he recorded it on his twat-cam, shouldn’t the old bill be tapping him up for wee middle-lane hogging fine…?)

Middle-lane hoggers are cunts.

Nominated by: Nickleby