Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)

I would like to nominate Al-BBC staple Have I Got News for You for a cunt-therapy session. Therapy for my benefit of course, not fucking theirs.

Not only has this satirical cuntfest gone well past its sell-by date, it has fermented into an unrecognisable, putrid mass in the fridge crisper. Choice vegetables of course in this salad o’shite being Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and whichever liberal elite comedians happen to be out-cunting themselves each week as the ‘guest’ hosts.

Confession time – back in the 90s, I used like this show. I remember Paula Yates and Piers Morgan on respective episodes getting a good old cunting. That Bruce Forsyth terrorist card game was funny. The William Shatner one wasn’t bad. But the show is now just a sorry fucking self-parody tribute act. What is worse, is that like anything from the Al-BBC post 2008, it has been infested with divisive neo-lib rhetoric and goes hand-in-hand with the very fucking worst dregs you find nodding sagely to Polly Toynbee columns in the Guardian.

The political agenda is barely concealed – all parties might be mocked but it is evident where the bread is buttered by noting who gets a real kicking. Unsurprisingly, plenty of pro-EU/anti-Trump/pro-immigration bollocks can be heard within each episode; topped off with the crowd of blue-haired quinola-scoffing hemp-wanking fucktards in the audience, who have taken to cheering anything pro-EU.

I no longer watch this shitfest, but in a moment of ill-judged stupidity I tuned in for the 2017 post-election special. What a fucking monumental mistake that was. Leading the charge as host was Jo Brand: a perfect fucking encapsulation for what the corporation champions as a box-ticking ‘comedian’ and amazingly, not even the most unfunny cunt with that surname. Ian Hislop as ever doing his indignant lectures that were once cutting and revealing, but are now just dull rambling speeches into cuntdom, delivered with a constantly bemused face which is so delightfully punchable – his head is increasingly resembling a cancerous potato. Central to the shit-mix is Paul Merton, who once upon a time at least had irreverent timing and wit, now reduced to a randomly barking shitheel whose outbursts are neither funny nor indeed fucking relevant. Guests this episode were Alan Johnson – a fucking member right down to his own surname – and Ross Noble, a truly unfunny rambling fucker whose head and sigmoid colon make a perfect geometric fit.

To be fair, HIGNFY is far from the only show that has been politicised beyond any humour; but it is one of the worst and most dramatic examples of right-on hijacking that I can think of. Plus, the ‘guest’ host list could be worthy of a cunting all on its own. A special place in cunting hell is reserved for the likes of Victoria Coren-Mitchell, her chinless fucking husband David, Alexander Armstrong, Miranda Hart and fucking Eddie ‘Top Cunt’ Izzard. Every single one of these bastards boils my piss into supercritical steam.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.

The BBC (7)

I’d like to nominate (a daily occurrence these days) the ABBC for yet another cunting.

This morning I caught the start of the Victoria Derbyshire programme (as the ABBC news channel is always on in the canteen and I have no fucking idea where the remote is).

The start of the programme showed a rabble of “peaceful” cunts kicking off in Holland (Turk or otherwise it doesn’t matter – they’re all cunts) presented by Kasia Madera where the headline read: “Turkey Diplomatic Protest”

And within 1 second – literally – this then switches to the poe-faced Derbyshire waffling on about cancer sniffing dogs!??!

Looks like some producer miscalculated their flip-switch and we managed to get 1 whole second of real news out of the cunts. Which is 1 whole second more than we usually get on a monthly basis from these cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

I fucking hate the fucking BBC.

Their latest shit is about Tanveer Hussain who was allegedly banned from the USA for being a Muslim. BBC headline: Kashmir Muslim athlete denied US visa due to ‘current policy.’ But when this fine upstanding individual was accused of sexual abuse the headline was: Tanveer Hussain: Indian athlete held over sex abuse in US. No mention of the dreaded M-word.

Nominated by a Cunt’s Mate Cunt.

Fuck me, I woke up this morning to the news that some cunt had attacked and injured 5 people with an axe at a train station in Dusseldorf. Apparently he had “psychological problems.” Of course. Then it completely disappears from the cunt news. I have to crawl around the net to find out that the cunt is an asylum seeker from Kosovo. Strangely enough I can’t find any reference to this story on the BBC website although there is a story about a car ending up on the roof of a house in China. I didn’t read it because I don’t give a fuck about what happens in China but, as a citizen of Europe, I am interested in what happens in Germany. I wonder why the BBC doesn’t share my concerns?

Nominated by Freddie the Frog.

This is just a sample selection of BBC antics from the past week. The list runs longer than Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Please keep them coming cunters!

 

 

Ian Hislop (2)

While we are slagging off the BBC (and why not?) I would like to nominate one Ian Hislop for his recent conversion to cuntishness. I used to like this bloke and I particularly admired his 2 series on the Great War and Victorian philanthropists. However I can’t watch HIGNFY any more because of his constant pro-EU sniping, usually aided by the guest presenter or some no mark politician on the panel.

I’ve stopped buying Private Eye for the same reason. Sorry Ian you used to be good but now you are just another BBC funded remoaning cunt and you can fuck right off.

How the mighty have fallen. Shame.

Nominated by Freddie The Frog

James O’Brien (3)

I would like to cunt London’s Biggest Cunt, James O’Brien at LBC radio.

Not content with attacking Brexiteers, his lips are flapping like a pair of pissflaps in the wind as he cries over the  ‘injustice’ of The Donald presidency. Making regular references to The Donald’s perceived sexism, yet he, as a supporter of the peaceful religion, conveniently overlooks their sexism and homophobia. He has also airbrushed over the behaviour of rapugees in Germany and Sweden, citing it as only a handful. Maybe,he is right, if each victim was the size of a grain of sand and the hand belonged to King Kong.

Another of his favourite pastimes, is that of talking down the British economy post referendum, despite the facts disproving his view. Another, is his likening Brexiteers to the electorate who voted for Trump; the usual racist, xenophobic, simpleton type analogies.

He even runs regular diatribes against Jeremy Corbyn. Love him or hate him at least the man has principles. So what exactly are Mr J.O.B’s politics? He hates the Tories, likewise UKIP; yet his preferred party of many moons ago, the LibDumbs, scored a huge own goal with tuition fees, thanks to Smeggy Cleggy. Finally, for him, the Labour Party is unelectable under Jezzah. Well, there is of course ‘a third way’. He is an identikit fit for B.Liar and Co supporters. Although he has not said it out loud, his meejah career, private school educated, Chiswick residing background, marks him as archetypal New Labour. Hence, his desire to see Jezzah given the Spanish Archer.

He really should take a look in the mirror – although he is so fugly – and reflect on his beardy mouthed bullshit. We are fed up being preached to by self-congratulatory champagne pseudo-socialists.

Our twatty friend sums up all that is wrong with today’s pseudo-socialists. They spout their so called liberal view of the world but in reality represent a neo-fascist form of politics. He fawns sycophantically over those callers who agree with him. Meanwhile, cutting airtime, talking over and putting down all those that disagree with him. Some other presenters on LBC may hold similar views but at least have the decency to hear out their callers.

He even has taken to attacking his fellow presenters, Katie Hopkins and Nigel of the Farage. Disgusted at having to share the same studio as them. Perhaps he is worried they will gain listeners at his expense?

In case, anyone from LBC management is reading this and wonders why I listen to his programme, well, these days I only do for few minutes at a time. Not enough to hear the advertisements that pay his wages, so please bear this in mind before considering renewing his contract.

His own TV debut talk show on ITV in 2015 lasted all of 5 minutes for a reason. The reviews were hardly congratulatory. If he carries on like this, his radio days will be numbered too. Although, perhaps he has a great future with the British Bullshit Corporation, at Newsnight, as his heavily biased opinions align so closely with theirs.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.