T&C’s

Radio Advert terms and conditions is a cunt,

You know what I mean, you’re listening to some shit advert you’re not interested in and when you think it’s over some cunt speaks at a million miles an hour about the terms and cuntditions for 5 minutes. Here are my terms and conditions: FUCK OFF YOU CUNTS.

Nominated by: Black and White Cunt

TV ads where they put the T&Cs on the bottom of the screen, rattle them off and don’t give you enough time to read them. I’ve tried.

What’s the fucking point?

Nominated by: Dioclese

Shitty advertising

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I’d like to cunt two adverts.

1) The latest Audi advert which looks half decent until you get the godawful breathy whiny warblings of Homeward Bound in the background which kills it! (Apparently sung by Gina Kushka – did NOT put that voice with that face).

2) The Amazon add where two “friends” buy each other a pair of knee braces. If you haven’t seen it yet I’m sure it’ll make you vomit.

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

Synchronised Advertising

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I would like to nominate “Synchronised Advertising” for a cunting.

Generally speaking I avoid adverts like the plague by either watching stuff on catch-up, or, pausing a live show for 15mins, make a brew and then skip through that shite at my leisure.

There are two exceptions:
1) When I’m working away and don’t have the luxury of a Sky or YouView box.
2) Listening to commercial radio on my travels.

Now I know the BBC have no ads (currently) but they do have shit programmes not worth watching or listening to, so I see what’s on FreeView.

As soon as those 118 cunts come on I do a bit of channel hoping and every other commercial channel also seems to be running ads at *exactly* the same time! Cunts.
Same with commercial radio. As soon as an ad comes on I search up/down onto yet another ad, and another, and another.

Again you hit the odd BBC piece of shit but who the fuck wants to listen to Vanessa Feltz drone on about her fucking brood and her 1/2 frog grandkid at 5am in the morning! Not me, that’s for fucking sure!

When we only had ITV & CH4 you never got ads at the same time. Now in the digital era they’re all sync’d so if you do channel hop you still get to see some cunt’s advert knowing full well that for every cunt who’s hopped off their channel, at least one will hop on to theirs.

Whoever managed to organise advertising slots across channels – give or take 10secs – desperately requires an utter cunting! Fucking cunts!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

Target advertising on TV

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I decided to watch an old black and white “St Trinians” film with my girlfriend, the film was good I enjoyed it.

The first ad break suggested that should my partner sneeze, cough, or laugh, she may possibly piss herself! Whilst I was informed I should be looking at a funeral plan.

Film continues, new add break. Now I never knew this, but when we take the dog out and she goes blackberry picking, its not so, she is having a sneeky shit behind a bush because she doesn’t take Imodium instants.

At this point my relaxing tickle my ribs entertainment has turned into a rather sinister, “Has she shat herself?” She laughed, “Should I check the sofa” (note to self plastic seat covers, before stair lift) then realising if I mention any of this, I have no funeral plan.

Well done target advertising, I’m off to see Dad’s army next week, fuck knows how you are going to spoil that one.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

The McDonald’s Christmas Ad

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Speaking of Christmas adverts, that fucking McDonalds advert. Jesus Christ! What a family of irritating cunts.

“Dad, why are you so grumpy?!” squeals one of little shits in the back of the car. If that was me I would pull the car over, grip the wheel tighter than my Mrs’ arsehole and calmly explain ” I’m grumpy because I’ve created the worst domestic unit known to man. You shits and your mother are such a disappointment to me that I’ve been spending most of my evenings indulging in smack and having sex with the local street walkers. I hate every fiber of your beings”.

I would then systematically shoot each one of them in the face. Leaving that fucking little fuck pig-boy till last so I could see the despair that the child locks had put onto his chubby shitty face, then delicately kiss him on the forehead and whisper in his ear “Like Wizard do you, you camp cunt?”, then put the twats brains over the back window.

Well, that would be what I would do anyway. Merry Christmas.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto