Netball

Netball.

A very quick non-political, non-religious, non-sexist, non-racist, non-Brexit interlude of a cunting for this pile of old pony.

Netball. More specifically the Beeb’s sad and cynical attempt to ‘big up’ a playground game and represent it as a major sport, because they can’t afford much else and there’s a World Cup coming along.

It’s shite (and I speak as an emeritus professor of know it all with a PhD from ISAC, never having watched a game but seeing the same news clip twice already). A bunch of giggly tarts handing a ball around before it gets to the tall one stood next to the net. Everyone stops. Tall girl puts the ball in the net. All the other girls hop about and cheer. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sports moment of the year 2018? Hardly.

Netball is no more interesting or relevant than many other ‘keep the kids busy’ pastimes – rounders, cross-country, hide and seek, British Bulldog – that should be illegal beyond the age of 16 (At which age, the boys need to be brushing up on their knife-fighting skills if they are to survive ‘on the street’ and the young ladies can move on to more interesting and useful endeavours; shagging, shopping, cooking, cleaning, nail technology and shagging some more.)

If you can’t live without live prime time netball, get the girls in the office to stand in a line and pass a crumpled sheet of A4 from one end to the other, where the last girl puts it in the bin. Whoopy fucking doo.

At least with rounders nobody in the UK takes it seriously once they have discovered the joys of wanking. (Not so in the US, where the two pastimes seem mutually supportive and go on well into middle age. Baseball? Rounders for fat cunts, no more).

Netball Schmetball. Turn it off immediately and do not, for fuck’s sake, encourage the Beeb in any way. That way lies madness: Wheelchair Netball, Celebrity Netball, Celebrity Netball in a Jungle, Celebrity Comic Relief Para-disabled Netball on ice, Naked Netball on Love Island with Bare Grylls.

Anyway; just had to get that off my chest. It’s been a busy few days and I didn’t want to take Morning Assembly in a foul mood.

Gunner.

Nominated by Gunner Sugden

John Lewis

The institution otherwise known as the John Lewis Partnership

John Lewis was founded in 1928. It currently employs 83,000 staff and has a turnover of over £10 billion a year.

In September 2018 John Lewis announced that their profits have fallen by 99% (from £83m to £1.2m), their first pretax loss in over a decade.

Chairman (Sir Charlie Mayfield) has already partly blamed Brexit for this for their disappointing figures. Dominic Raab criticized the chain for these comments.

Charlie Mayfield, said the main reason for its fall in profits was the £40m cost to its department stores of matching twice as many discount extravaganzas than in the same period last year. The results had been hit by heavy discounting at other retailers, which forces its department stores to lower prices under their signature “never knowingly undersold” pledge.

The company also added that the “level of uncertainty facing consumers and the economy, in part due to ongoing Brexit negotiations” made it difficult to forecast trading for the next six months but it expected full-year profits to be down.

“I didn’t actually say that Brexit is to blame for our results. But the fact is that sterling is weaker and one of the factors in that is uncertainty, I hoped not to see a no-deal Brexit, that would be a very bad outcome for the UK and the consequences are extremely unpredictable.”

Despite rumours that John Lewis has spent £5m on hiring Elton John for its Christmas ad campaign this year, Mayfield said the department store had not spent “a penny more” than last year on its advertising.

In January 2017 John Lewis promoted Paula Nickolds, who joined the company as a graduate trainee 22 previously, to be the first female managing director in the department store group’s 152-year history. “Paula has got the partnership in her DNA. “She is ferociously bright and a very good people person. She is hugely respected and a woman with outstanding taste,” said one person who knows Nickolds well.

Richard Hyman, the veteran retail analyst, said Nickolds was a great pick to lead the next phase of development at John Lewis because she was an “old fashioned retailer” who was in touch with what customers wanted and would help keep the brand relevant in a tough economic climate. “Anybody can reduce costs if they compromise on quality or service.

It would be a big mistake for John Lewis to jeopardize the single strongest competitive advantage it has which is customer service,” Hyman said.

https://uk.trustpilot.com/review/www.johnlewis.com

Good luck with that. Think I am right in saying that John Lewis has outsourced their complaints handling? Very easy to blame Brexit for everything, perhaps Sir Charlie and Paula should take a look as to what their customers think?

I have been a John Lewis customer for many, many years and have used them primarily for their excellent customer service. Don’t know what the fuck has happened there but looking at the evidence will not be using them again and think it is fair to say that their time is almost up.

John Lewis RIP. Or Mike Ashley?

Nominated by Willie Stroker

Shakira Martin

SHAKIRA MARTIN

A no-platforming, gentle soy boy cunting please for this hysterical lady , 31 going on 12 , who has taken to the Osborne Comic aka Evening Standard to voice her dismay over Steptoe (Jeremy Corbyn). She worshiped him, she idolised him she gave her “PERSONAL” backing to this wonderful man, but Mistress Martin is now upset with him, to the point where her voice breaks with emotion.

As far as I am concerned if you go to university you should just get on and study so you can try to get a good job to pay back the money we loan you to live on our charity for 3 years while you study feminism and get pissed in the student bars. In short they should just shut the fuck up. Why is a 31 year old still reliving her student days.

Of course she is a remainer and you can read her grievances here, if you have the patience, and reflect what a self important little up her own arse cunt she is:

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/esmagazine/jeremy-corbyn-young-voters-a4100906.html

Nominated by W.C. Boggs

Allergy Sufferers

Allergy Sufferers.
My cunt of an employer has today issued notice that any cunt at work can be stopped and questioned about what they are eating or planning to eat because an allergy sufferer might be affected. Call me an old cynic but the cunt in question has in a very short time proved to be workshy,indifferent to any rules and not above unprofessional conduct towards others,so when I overheard a conversation about how some cunt at their last job had been allegedly been trying to kill them with the offending foodstuff,I started to wonder if we were being set up for some sort of compo scam or tribunal.Beats working doesn’t it and would fund the eternal gap yah. I would like to know what the legal position is with this. What a pile of unmitigated gangrenous old cunt.

Nominated by Mary Hinge

George Clooney

George Clooney is a cunt!

“George Clooney has called for a boycott of the Sultan of Brunei’s hotels after the nation introduced new laws punishing gay sex by death.
From April 3, it will be a capital offence for Muslims in the sultanate to engage in either adultery or gay sex, with the punishment being either stoning or whipping to death.”

But a while back

“Irish American actor George Clooney has come out swinging at President Trump and how he treats Muslims and other minorities.”

Make you’re mind up George, either accept Muslims or you don’t. Muslims that apply the Koran are the true Muslims, Islam rules their lives. They can’t pick and choose which bits of Islam they abide by, the Koran is perfect and the words contained inside are the words of god given direct to Muhammad by god and Muhammad was the perfect human.

Muslims rejecting the Koran and its edicts, any of them, are not Muslims anymore.

So George which is it, do you have the balls to say you care about Muslims as people but only if they reject Islam and stop being Muslims?

Come on George set the record straight or I might end up thinking you’re just a virtue signaling cunt.

Oops too late.

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit