Jo Swinson

Some fucker has been elected leader of the LibDems.

I imagine the stink of piss and cabbage from Vince is getting to them. She is going to stop Brexit apparently. She is also going to be the next PM, or so she says.

‘Go back to your constituencies and prepare for office’

That was the equally deluded chant of these fuckers way back when.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

The Liberal Democrats must be the most inappropriately named party in British politics. They are neither liberal nor democratic.

Yesterday some cunt we’ve never heard was made leader in an election nobody noticed. And now this deluded idiot reckons she’s going to be the next Prime Minister. Nigel Farage has more chance of being the next Prime Minister. Just look what a fuck up these tossers made last time they were in government.

Welcome to the Peoples’ Democratic Republic of Great Britain…

Nominated by Dioclese

Kevin Maguire (5)

One half orf the press preview team orn Sky News alongside the Daily Mail’s arse assassin Andrew Pierce (Consultant Editor, Daily Mail). Maguire (Associate Editor, Daily Mirror) is the big nosed supercilious professional Geordie lefty wind bag cunt who spends his time sneering at things Tory and talking over wee camp Andy and his dodgy short dyed barnet. Pierce is a deeply unpleasant Mail hack specialising in knife in the back jobs yet Maguire manages to make him appear the voice of reason.

Press previews are a profoundly irritating yank import now infecting many of the news programmes. Press journalists basking in a spot orf one-upmanship on telly pretentiously rabbit on thus joining a buggers conger line where TV feeds the press and the press feeds TV. To make it all the more incestuous the “News” all originates from the same news agencies, Reuters ect ect. Bugger me but I don’t think me old arse hole is big enough to take all that cock.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke (Editor Emeritus, Cunt Sniffers Times)

Quiz Show Contestants

I enjoy 15 to 1 on Channel 4. Sandy Toksvig doing her English Country Gentleman act rather spoils it,but I’m prepared to put up with it nevertheless.

It’s the contestants that Fuck me off.

The genuinely stupid contestant…obviously the victim of a prank,they have been convinced to go on a General Knowledge quiz by “friends” only too aware that they have no General Knowledge. It’s a mystery to me how they even manage to dress themselves,never mind answer increasingly difficult questions on varied subjects.

The Wacky contestant…usually a middle aged man,bald at the front but pony-tail at the back,dressed in an Hawaiian shirt who announces that he is an “entertainer”. Persuaded by friends and family to enter just so that they get a day off from the terminal bore.

The Chavvy Secretary contestant…a bright orange,pumped lips vision of cheapness. Can’t answer any questions unless they involve Love Island or Beyonce,squeals and claps her hands if she’s lucky enough to receive such a question.

The smug retired teacher….gives an almost contemptuous look and snort when giving the answer to a question that he knows. Wrinkles his nose,says “Not really my line of expertise” when asked something that doesn’t fall within the syllabus of 5th Form Geography/ History.

The frustrated spinster/librarian…..a dangerous contestant due to the fact that her sheer lack of allure means that she has had no distractions in her life. A lifetime spent reading “the classics” while secretly dampening her gusset at the thought of Mr. Darcy violating her dusty old fanny.

The Mr. Gupta from the corner shop….doesn’t really understand the questions but grins amiably and hopes that his appearance will convince The Border Agency that he is a true-blue Englishman and not deport him.

The full-time Mum….can’t wait to get on Mumsnet and tell the girls about just how much of a fulfilling life she enjoys…she’s not stagnating,”Oh no,just look, I’m on a quiz show”…another semi-dangerous contestant because she has nothing to do all day bar watch quiz shows and spend the child benefit of cheap boxed wine.

The Gay contestant….overly groomed and well dressed,screams with girlish glee at every one of witticisms from Sandy,he is probably there in the hope that Mr. Toksvig,or some other Media-type will strap on their 15 inch truncheon and do him up the shite-trumpet before offering him a job as a prime-time chat-show host.

Interestingly,there are very few Dark Keys on General Knowledge Shows. I’m guessing that their Probation Officer won’t allow it for fear that someone gets stabbed for “dissing” them on live television.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

The Office for Budget Responsibility

Doomed. We’re all doomed.
Doomed I tell you, if we have a No-deal Brexit.

Or so says the Office for Budget Responsibility. Address Westminster, SW1.
And it must be true because Phillip Hammond backs them up.
The OBR is staffed by London civil servants, some ex Bank of England and Treasury, so obviously totally independent.

You have been warned. The sky is falling in. And it’s all the fault of Leave voting cunts, North, South and West of London (wherever that is.)

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Xavier Parkins

Xavier Parkins must be nominated. This is the teenager who decided to go to the school prom dressed in drag. He wore a short pink strapless dress that he designed with the help of a dressmaker. He wore matching heels and did his own hair and nails ready for the big night at Pride Park stadium in Derby. He was such a hit that he was voted Prom Queen by fellow pupils at Lees Brook Community School.
Proud mum Sharnee, (cuntish name) said: ‘I’m totally humbled, I can’t imagine where you get the courage at the age of 15 to do that, it is so brave. Xav was hoping to get the Best Dressed award because it isn’t gender-biased, but he did say he’d love to get Prom Queen. It was his peers who voted for him which is an accolade because it takes a lot of courage for them to come out and support it as well.’
Sharnee added that Xavier’s brothers (cuntishly named Orlando and Ziggy) are ‘so proud’ and her eldest son texted Xavier on the day of his prom to say ‘I love you’. She said: ‘I always say to him, if you’re happy at home you can cope with anything. ‘Dressing up is a leisure activity for him. With it being Pride month as well it’s even more poignant, if it can help one person who is struggling with their sexuality.He wants to be a Drag Queen but he’s very academic too so he could do anything. He’s got a very wise head on his shoulders.’

‘Xav’ was obviously so proud of his outfit and identity that he travelled to the event on a private bus, not on public transport.
Saw him and his smug mother interviewed on Sky News this morning. Sarah Jane (it’s all about) MEEEEE was almost gushing in her knickers during the interview, where ‘Xav’ was proud of what he did because, ‘I’m kinda like fed up with just wearing a school uniform and I’m kinda like expressing my identity and I’m kinda like a smug up-myself little twerp.’
After this nauseating few minutes, SJ Meeeee carried on gushing along the lines of ‘what an inspiring story, should help others come to terms with their identity and sexuality etc..’ or some such cuntery.
I expect he’ll either become very rich as a social media ‘influencer’, or join some new Channel 4 or BBC deviants’ show. Or, hopefully, he’ll soon disappear into well deserved oblivion.
What this nation has become….

Nominated by Mystic Maven