The Markles

Blow me down and who’d have thunk it? A piece of Earth-shattering news has broken; Me-gain Markle and her puppet, Prince Harry de Halfwit have left Canada ‘for good’ to settle in, er, Los Angeles.

Coronavirus restrictions notwithstanding, they fled Canada before the border closed. Another private jet, one wonders? So much for the assertion from Little Miss Sparkle that she wouldn’t live in the States while The Don was president. Apparently, the happy family is now in lockdown in a secure community to sit out the current emergency. Mmm, I wonder who’s picking up the security tab now?

I honestly don’t think that many of us saw that one coming, but ‘her people’ are saying that it’s a good idea because she can be close to her mother, and her ‘support network’. Oh, and of course, there’s her budding film and fashion career to think of. I’m sure that she’ll now be very happy mixing it on the awards night and chat show circuit with the Kardashians, the Osbournes and all the other slebs that hang out in Tinseltown. They’re clearly her kind of people. Likewise, the Dumb Prince of Bel-Air will surely relish life as a bit of royal arm candy for his lady love to swank about with. Well, at least until she decides that he’s outlived his usefulness and it’s time for the divorce.

Enjoy life in the ‘woke’ capital of the world, you tedious, irrelevant Muppets. You’ll blend in perfectly with all the other hypocritical, virtue-signalling cunts. Just don’t ever darken our national doorstep again.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Nazifa Zaman

Nazifa Zaman is the Labour chair at Warwick University and is delighted that Boris Johnson has coronavirus. She tweeted, “Pm got Covid, Happy Muslim women’s day again!”

In her biography, Zaman identifies herself as the Chair of Warwick Labour, and an “advocate” of Warwick Decolonise, a group dedicated to “decolonising the curriculum” at the University of Warwick. This piece of filth is supported by Labour MP Zarah Sultana, and no doubt by her university too. The University of Warwick’s official Twitter account replied to Zaman’s original tweet. “We send our best wishes and compassion to each and every person who has sadly become infected, and for their families, and do not condone any remark to the contrary,” but added that they “deplore the abuse now being directed at a member of our university community [Zaman].”

So this piece of trash celebrates that our PM has the virus, but somehow she’s the victim. Well, as the virus does not discriminate, hopefully she’ll be next.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

Donald Trump’s Vocabulary

‘Terrific’, ‘Wonderful’, ‘Fantastic’, ‘Beautiful’. These are just some of the adjectives he uses so inappropriately to my mind. Especially at this time of emergency.

From memory: ‘We had a terrific meeting this morning, really wonderful people they are, done lots of fantastic work…really beautiful it was…’ Why doesn’t he just say ‘We had a meeting this morning in which we discussed our response to the Coronavirus emergency’. No, he’s got to put a positive spin on everything. His use of the word ‘beautiful’ is especially egregious. ‘We have some beautiful testing kits coming through right now.’ Beautiful testing kits. Like a nurse saying to a diabetic, ‘everything’s going to be fine….we have some beautiful insulin and a beautiful syringe with a really beautiful needle to insert into your arm’.

Dear old Donald. He’s such a Capitalist. He wants us all to live in a Capitalist paradise where everything, all our technology, all that factories produce is ‘fantastic’ and ‘wonderful’. Where we all dress in suits (even women) and look important and serious and have ‘terrific meetings’ and ‘wonderful conference calls’ and everything is positive because there is nothing else the world but this creative capitalism.

But there are other things in the world. And one of these things has made its way across Europe all the way to the Land of the Free. A deadly virus. Yes, ‘deadly’. Now that’s an appropriate adjective for this time, but I doubt it’s in his vocabulary.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

Brexit Stalling

I suppose that it was inevitable. Desperate, Remoaning cunts in the UK are climbing on board the latest bandwagon in an attempt to keep us tied to the European Union’s apron strings.

Of course the UK has formally left the EU, but is in a transition phase which ends on 31st December of this year. In the light of the Coronavirus emergency, the call is going out from the usual suspects to extend the transition period beyond 2020; the Limp Dicks want it, the SNP wants it, individuals such as Lisa Nandy are calling for it. ‘It makes sense’ they bleat. A last desperate throw of the anti-Brexit dice on their part, more like.

Naturally our ‘friends and allies’ in Brussels are quite keen on the idea too. Step forward the European People’s Party group, for example. Luxembourg MEP Christophe Hansen, a spokesman for the group, claims that the UK will be ‘dealt a huge blow’ by the simultaneous shock of Coronavirus and leaving the single market and customs union. It’s all about ‘common sense and substance over ideology’, you’ll understand. The EU’s own ideology doesn’t enter into the scheme of things of course, it’s simple pragmatism, what Hansen calls ‘the responsible thing to do’. German MEP David McAllister stated that the EU has always been open to extending the transition period, because it’s worried about the UK government subjecting us to this dual disruption, and that the ball was now in our court.

Now I’d call that downright neighbourly. It’s gracious of the Brussels establishment to be so thoughtful and caring about us at this trying time, and is without doubt a demonstration of altruism at its finest. Naturally it’s got nothing to do with the vexed question of how much additional cash we’d be expected to inject into the bloc’s budget, dear me no. It’s got nothing to do with the continuing plundering of the UK’s territorial fishing waters, nothing to do with keeping us tied to EU regulations and under the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice for as long as possible.

Well as far as I’m concerned the reality is simple. We’ve left the EU and we’d like a trade deal; does the EU want one or not? The answer is surely ‘yes’, because it’s in their interest as much as ours, if not more so. That being the case, the EU should stop prevaricating and knuckle down to the job of getting a deal done, and most of all, should stop pretending that by offering an extension, it’s doing US a favour.

I don’t see anything wrong with extending the trade negotiations beyond the end of this year given the current circumstances, but as for the rest, the EU can fuck off. No more trying to tell us what we can and can’t do. No more free fish, no more rule book, no more ECJ, and absolutely no more cash beyond 31st December. We need every penny for ourselves, and Boris must know that he’d be cutting his own throat politically if yet more of our cash gets put into the bottomless Brussels money pit to help bail out the EU’s mess. As the old saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Kelly Brogan

This daft cow does not believe that Coronavirus exists and that people are dying through fear.

In addition to being a cunt of the highest order, she is also apparently an “holistic psychiatrist,” who has previously written blog posts and Q&A’s for Goop and appeared as an expert on panels for Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle brand (Remember that one? The soap that smells like her vagina?). She doesn’t think the virus is real because she doesn’t believe in “germ-based contagion”.

The New York Times bestselling author also compares the contagious virus to her child having a runny nose, explaining that she is just as likely to drink from their glass because contagion is “not a conceptual framework that I operate within”.

Rather than believe that the virus is a real threat, Brogan encourages her followers (cunts) to “try on other narratives” beyond the mainstream one that says Coronavirus is a dangerous pandemic, before suggesting the possibility that the US Government is planning to “link our passports with our vaccination records” as a method of gaining “totalitarian governmental control, not unlike the divide-and-conquer, dehumanisation agendas that preceded the Holocaust”.

There is of course a very simple way for her to test her theories – one night in a Bergamo isolation ward would do it.

Nominated by Mystic Maven