I enjoy 15 to 1 on Channel 4. Sandy Toksvig doing her English Country Gentleman act rather spoils it,but I’m prepared to put up with it nevertheless.
It’s the contestants that Fuck me off.
The genuinely stupid contestant…obviously the victim of a prank,they have been convinced to go on a General Knowledge quiz by “friends” only too aware that they have no General Knowledge. It’s a mystery to me how they even manage to dress themselves,never mind answer increasingly difficult questions on varied subjects.
The Wacky contestant…usually a middle aged man,bald at the front but pony-tail at the back,dressed in an Hawaiian shirt who announces that he is an “entertainer”. Persuaded by friends and family to enter just so that they get a day off from the terminal bore.
The Chavvy Secretary contestant…a bright orange,pumped lips vision of cheapness. Can’t answer any questions unless they involve Love Island or Beyonce,squeals and claps her hands if she’s lucky enough to receive such a question.
The smug retired teacher….gives an almost contemptuous look and snort when giving the answer to a question that he knows. Wrinkles his nose,says “Not really my line of expertise” when asked something that doesn’t fall within the syllabus of 5th Form Geography/ History.
The frustrated spinster/librarian…..a dangerous contestant due to the fact that her sheer lack of allure means that she has had no distractions in her life. A lifetime spent reading “the classics” while secretly dampening her gusset at the thought of Mr. Darcy violating her dusty old fanny.
The Mr. Gupta from the corner shop….doesn’t really understand the questions but grins amiably and hopes that his appearance will convince The Border Agency that he is a true-blue Englishman and not deport him.
The full-time Mum….can’t wait to get on Mumsnet and tell the girls about just how much of a fulfilling life she enjoys…she’s not stagnating,”Oh no,just look, I’m on a quiz show”…another semi-dangerous contestant because she has nothing to do all day bar watch quiz shows and spend the child benefit of cheap boxed wine.
The Gay contestant….overly groomed and well dressed,screams with girlish glee at every one of witticisms from Sandy,he is probably there in the hope that Mr. Toksvig,or some other Media-type will strap on their 15 inch truncheon and do him up the shite-trumpet before offering him a job as a prime-time chat-show host.
Interestingly,there are very few Dark Keys on General Knowledge Shows. I’m guessing that their Probation Officer won’t allow it for fear that someone gets stabbed for “dissing” them on live television.
Nominated by Dick Fiddler