Liam Smith, a Bristol student (groan) went on a first date with some unnamed bird he met on Tinder. They went to Nando’s for a meal and back to his gaff to watch a scientology documentary. Nando’s and scientology in one night – an interesting pulling technique.
After the ‘top notch’, no expense spared, peri peri chicken fired up her ringpiece, she needed a dump or maybe it was after watching Tom Cruise talking about some scientology shite. Anyway, after she had laid a log, she discovered it wouldn’t flush. Instead of dealing with a floater in the normal way, by drowning the shitstick with loo roll, she instead ‘claimed’ that she panicked and fished it out of the bowl, launching it out of the bathroom window.
First and foremost, what the fuck? Clearly a classy bird, lobbing a turd out of a window, in someone else’s home. Secondly, she didn’t check the window’s orientation, so it actually got trapped in a dead space 18 inches wide looking onto another window.
At that point she had to come clean about her dirty tale and tell Liam what she had done. After investigating, he thought about breaking the window but instead she – who is an amateur gymnast – decided to lean, head first, out of the fanlight window to reach it. Well, it didn’t work and she got wedged between the two windows – a VERY amateur gymnast. So Liam called the fire brigade who after pissing themselves laughing broke the glass to rescue her.
The cost of the replacement window was £300 and he said that is a large part of his monthly budget and he couldn’t afford it. So like any ‘normal person would do’ he set up a crowd funding page explaining the whole sorry saga. Shameless or what?….who the fuck puts their digits to the keyboard advertising this sad night out?
What’s even madder is that his front paid off, since the jammy fucker raised over £2000 in ONE day, well over the 300 quid target.
It seems the pair may also continue to see each other. He must like a ‘dirty scat-ty’ sort, so perhaps next time she will just squat over him and shit on his chest or the glass coffee table The kinky pair!
Anyway, I couldn’t really decide who were the bigger cunts in this story: Liam or the female ‘shit-putter’ or the mugs who paid for his window. So I put it down to dumb-arsed students in general.
Nominated by Mike Oxard.