Sky (2)

I think those fucking thieving cunts sky are due a cunting. We had been customers with those cuntfaced bandits for over 20 years then they decide to bunk up our monthly charge to 100 quid without even telling us. We then came back as a new customer and they offered us a cheaper deal for a sky Q box. Except the issue with the Q box is the fuckwitted engineer who fitted it has didn’t have a clue what he was doing so the box doesn’t work!! And the cunts fucked up our freeview tv too so we can’t watch that either. Those parasitic cunts should be wiped from the face of the earth for robbing hardworking people of their hard earned money. Special mention to sky sports too for persistently changing football matches too ridiculous times, I’m not too keen on going to sky fucking Middlesbrough on a Saturday afternoon nevermind a fucking Monday night!!

Nominated by Lord Cuntington

Comediennes (2)

I would like to dedicate a square nomination for the oft-mentioned but rarely cunted ‘comediennes’ – many of us despise them but because we are such bitter, militant sexists, we have never addressed the inequality of giving them adequate representation within these hallowed halls. Being a prime example of a subserviant gentleman and fair-minded champion of women’s rights, allow me to take the lead on this one, chaps.

Miranda Hart, Sarah Millican, that cunt from Goodness Gracious Me, Jo Brand, Amy Schumer, Victoria Coren, Julia Louis Dreyfus, any of the shitcunts from Saturday Night Live, that ginger-haired cunt who drags out her Northern accent, that obese Australian landwhale, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Josie Long, Bernard Toksvig, Jenny Eclair, Catherine Tate and any of those fucking cunts from that whole Peep Show/Thick Of It incestuous Oxbridge TV clique… not one single fucking laugh has ever been brought out in me by any of them.

I can truly count the number of women in comedy or stand up who have made me laugh on a pair of testicles: Felicity Montagu from Alan Partridge and Pauline McLynn from Father Ted. Both had/have actual comedic timing, delivery, nuances.

The rest are just – especially these days – ultra-feminist useless cunts whose source material is 99% about their own vaginas, periods, victimhood and problems having sex with their cavernous klunges.

Absolutely fucking useless cunts. Marzipan dildos, the lot of them.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

The Nobel Prize Committee

The Nobel Prize Committee

How remiss of the Committee not to award the Peace Prize to Greta Thunberg. What a golden opportunity missed to really focus our minds on the Climate Emergency.
In fact there should be a prize for those who have gone to exceptional lengths to raise awareness like dear little Greta. ‘The Nobel Prize For Raising Environmental Awareness’ the prize could be called. Of course the first recipient should be Greta. But I would have a subsidiary prizes (the subject being of such magnitude and importance) and one of the recipients in my opinion should be Prince Charles. Yes Prince Charles for all the decades he has devoted to this issue-when he was a lone voice amongst public figures.
What a team they make Greta and Charley boy come to think. See while Greta takes on the politicians making them feel shameful (all to the good), Prince Charles in his practical way goes after business people as he did recently; arguing with, encouraging them to devote their energies not only to creating more green technology but to investing in actually cleaning up the planet. Yes cleaning up all the filth and gunge and mess this Capitalist System has produced these past centuries.
The earth you know cunters is our home. You wouldn’t have your house full of junk, stinking of chemicals now would you? Yes let’s do it then! Let’s change our whole focus! Let’s give the earth a spring clean! It sorely needs it.
You know cunters the climate is secondary to me. What I see in Greta and Charles is the beginning of the destruction of Capitalism. I’m not kidding. Someone once wrote on here that things will only change when the rich start to be affected. And here in these two towering figures we have a sort of two- pronged approach that could achieve it. Greta and Charles, one to get the politicians to change, the other to get big business to change. What a team, what a double act.
Marx and Lenin tried to destroy Capitism in the last century. They failed. But Environmentalism will do it. Then humanity can finally get back to a normal, proprtional way of living.
It has been a huge failure of the Nobel Committee to miss this epoch- changing moment.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

What a cheery child.

 

Jo Swinson (5)

loopy Jo Swinson, PM

That’s right folks, Potty Jo Swinson thinks she will be the next ‘Pryme Minahstah’

Mad as a box of frogs, country bumpkin Jo (39) Member of Parliament for East Dunbartonshire, believes she will lead the shit for brains Liberals to a storming victory on 12th December, gaining 310 new Parliamentary seats.

Whilst you may suspect that the harebrained Miss Swinson is not playing with a full deck, she is completely serious in her belief the Millions will buy into her demented delusions, & accept that we all need to bask in the embrace of Junker & his EU stormtroopers.

Barking mad Jo may have been born under the zodiac sign Aquarius, but she clearly doesn’t have both oars in the water. Pass me a duffel bag full of whatever this mouth foaming Loony Tune is smoking, because it’s ‘grade A’ Whacky Baccy.

Call the men in white coats, as an emergency ambulance is needed to transport Crazy Jo to ward 7 (ask for Lord Nelson when visiting) – 🤪 🤪 🤪

Nominated by Lord of the Rings

Kidults

A nomination for couples in their 30s and 40s who pay to watch babies’ films at the cinema, otherwise known by the admittedly cuntish portmanteau ‘kidults’.

I’m still 10% human so dont really begrudge people watching nostalgic crap like Pinocchio or Mary Poppins at Christmas or if they feel a bit down, or take issue with the dopey dads who take their kids to see Kung Fu Panda.

It’s these twats, these professional geeks – usually a girl who speaks like a gurgling child and uses Anime characters as her avatars, and her pussy whipped boyfriend (probably entering his first long term relationship) – who insist on going the cinema as a couple to watch Pixar crap like Toy Story, or generally any animated films aimed at children.
I dont really understand the mindset of these cunts, nor did i understand why so many fucking adults – usually women and highly effeminate and feminised men – would post memes and videos about fucking ‘Frozen’.

Being a decent citizen at the time I bit my tongue, but it was a truly disturbing number of ‘friends’ and their half-wit associates. The revulsion i felt towards so many of these sad fuckers was one factor of many in quitting social media.

Fucking idiots.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime