Naz Shah (3)

Labour MP Naz Shah is definitely deserving of a nomination, and is possibly a contender for Cunt of the Year. We all know this nasty little shitweasel’s form. Quoting one of Winnie Mandela’s infamous ‘necklacing’ diatribes and retweeting the spoof Owen Jones tweet that read “those white girls in Rotherham should shut their mouths for the sake of diversity”. Well, on Friday she tweeted something that shows she’s either a monumental retard, or a truly nasty piece of shit.

As we all know, Friday (8th May) was VE day. And the nation celebrated 75 years since the end of the second world war. Shah decided it was a good opportunity to pander to the Indian, African and West Indian communities by tweeting about the sacrifice of colonial forces during that conflict. All well and good, many soldiers from British colonies gave their lives for our freedom, I have no problem with her doing that. Unfortunately for Shah, she showed her complete ignorance of those soldiers, and actually insulted them, by deciding to add a photo of Indian soldiers wearing GERMAN army uniforms. And from the look of it, at least two of them were SS (so it was taken late in the war, when the SS recruited Muslims and other non-Aryans due to so many ‘true’ Aryans having been killed by the allies). I mean, fuck me. How thick do you have to be to do something like that? To display that level of ignorance, it’s clear that Shah knows absolutely fuck all about the second world war. There’s an old Chinese proverb that is appropriate here. It is better to keep your mouth shut, and let people think you’re a cunt, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Ok, I’ve paraphrased a little, but you get the point. Naz Shah is a cunt.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Ant and Dec (3)

Ant & Dec

Never has there been a more nauseating, hammed up, simply not funny anymore, formulaic, sycophantic, repetitive, dumb ass, serving of light/zero entertainment headed by a couple of geordie chancers who if they weren’t cunts would have given it up years ago. All there shows are in the 10 season bracket who watches this big bag of steaming shite? What’s more they are universally supported and championed by the media and can do little wrong…..are the British public zombies who tune in to mong out? They all have the same PR as holly and phil…..please someone do us a favour and retire this lot so we can rip it up and start afresh with a talent show that is not completely devoid of charisma and delivered as if we are fuck wits. As far as cunts who make my piss boil this inner circle takes some beating and that is exactly what’s needed to knock some sense into the dross served up continuously like a conveyor of shite packaged differently but shite nonetheless. I’m done!

Nominated by RJ Cuntingham

Bad Dreams

Bad Dreams

Bad dreams are real cunts, especially those where you wake up shaking in a sweat.
I had such a dream the other night, where a ghostly figure appeared at the foot of my bed. In my dream I could speak to it and so I politely asked “who the fuck are you?” “I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to come” it replied.

Thinking that this all sounded a bit familiar, I asked the cunt if he’d ended up in the wrong play. “No, Blunt, you old cunt. I bring you a message. Come with me and I will take you forward to the Christmas of 2020.”
Before I could start regretting having my ninth glass of red that evening, I was whisked away up into the skies and found myself flying over the snow covered landscape of the British Isles. It was still night-time and the roads were deserted, apart from the occasional sighting of a police car or ambulance.

Finally, I arrived on the edge of a large city which I guessed from the large number of minarets towering into the skies must be London. Why had the ghost brought me, a simple Northern lad to the large metropolitan city which I had long ago forsaken as MY capital city? Suddenly, below me, out of the mist appeared a giant makeshift hospital. This must be that Nightingale hospital that people keep banging on abahhht! It was a feverish scene with staff rushing about outside and a fleet of ambulances constantly depositing patients at the doors.

It was now daylight as the ghost deposited me on a typical London street. I found it difficult to read any of the signs as most of them were in Arabic. He pointed out one house and told me that was the house that Tiny Tim Cratchit used to live in.
“What do you mean, used to,” I asked? The ghost told me he’d finally succûmbed to the virus. The streets were nearly empty because of self isolation and the very few people that were about were wearing protective face masks. Oh! Wait a minute, fuck, those are yash- masks! “It’s going to be a dreary Christmas this year”, the ghost said. “All the poultry farms have been closed down because of the spread of bird flu. You can’t buy a turkey for love nor money. Eggs are like gold. The only ones in existence are the ones that Moggie’s hoarded!

He finally took me to a graveyard and showed me one particular grave which had the appearance of a pauper’s grave. On it, it said . . . . .
“Here lies Bertie Blunt. Died London 28th December 2020.”
“Hold on a minute,” I said. “I didn’t ask for my funeral to be held in this God forsaken city!
What can I do to change all this?”
“Nothing, I’m afraid. The second spike has started.”
Fortunately, I did awake at this point. However, bad dreams are real cunts and
can leave you shit scared!
😉

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt

Doreen Lawrence (4)

A Viral Cunting for Doreen Lawrence please

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52602467

I think a lot of people have been expecting this, but it still takes my breath away when you see it actually happen

Like that other cunt, Obama, the virus, and the response to it, is out to get the black people. I’m sure the next thing will be Stormzy (that well known scientist) saying that the virus was designed to kill blacks.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the world, tanking the economy in response to a bad flu outbreak. Smacks of the Khmer Rouge and Year Zero to me.

Nominated by Lord Cuntingford

Amazon (4)

Amazon,
Well Amizon is due so many nominations on so many levels.
I understand the concept of second sales and retail, but fuck do they do some strange shit.
As the cunt mobile is up on bricks (Like me) I thought fuck it, a simple service, plugs oils and filters seeing as we are both doing fuck all.
Now Amazon has a “My car” setting where you tell the fucker exactly what your car is, (engine type, model, manufacture) and all well and good an array of service kits should appear, take my pick buy now option and all done.
Does it fuck, it offered me a non existent unpriced service kit, and one for a ford fiesta, lots of bulbs, a few steering wheel covers and some other non related shit.
So why the fuck? I have bothered to give them exacting information as to type of vehicle and it offers me toss, I am fully aware that even engines accross brands can use similar components, but there is no way the filter kit for 1.1 fiesta is going to fit the 2.4l cunt mobile, arse.
Now knowing amazon, it is going to start sending me those shit e-mails.
Dear Cunt, you recently browsed coffins, we were wondering if you would be interested in these?
No fuck off I bought a coffin, what do I want another one for (Coffin was proberly not the best thought of example in these current times)
Why the fuck do they do this? apart from that it is ok.

Nominated by lord benny