Female genital mutilation

I would like to nominate fgm and the cunts that do it for a truly heartfelt Cunting.

I’m keeping it short as this link provides all the info.

All I’ll say is. What the fuck are we doing letting these backward, evil fuckers into this country when they carry out these atrocities ?

Mutilation ? Casting spells ? Fuck off.

Send them back to the shitholes they came from.

Fucking savages.

Nominated by Jack the Cunter

Dr Victoria Bateman

An emergency cunting please for this silly trollop with a little girl voice. A Cambridge Remainer sits in a BBC studio stark bollock naked and invites Jacob Rees-Moog to join her. What a daft arsehole the woman is. Lock her up -preferably in a cell with rapists.

How fucking desperate are the Remainers and their parliamentary faggots getting. They have clearly lost the plot.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs


OKAY so Blighty grinds to a halt in a liitle spot orf snow. Par for the course for this pathetic snowflake generation. Look up the winters orf 1947 or 1963 for a real freeze you cunts or will that scare diddums. Blighty kept going then and can keep going now. Just takes a little preparation before venturing oit. Preparation? Wassat?

What it is is taking precautions such as driving orn softer tyres (you let a spot orf air oit cunts) for better grip, a little servicing orf the battery and its connections to ensure a good spark and vitally stick a shovel (still use me old WW11 entrenching tool) with a bag orf sharp sand (the gritty stuff cunts) and some old school sacking or strips orf carpet in the boot. You put it under the driving wheels to obtain the traction you need cunts.

With that lot on board you can drive oit orf any dicey situation. Plus the other old tips such as keep a constant slow speed in second gear and if you have to break do it gently, pump and release, pump and release (known as sequential breaking, not sex for the over sixties). What your Satnav or InCar App don’t tell you that? Gertcha You Cunts.

Me old Bentley happily motored through all the ice Armageddons previously mentioned, is getting orn famously with present powder snow despite running orn ex WW11 crossply tyres (bought a stock in at the end orf that show). Have some chicken wire snow chains just in case.

“Follow me, lads! I’ll get you oit!!”

Only advantage Yours truly has over you callow cunts (apart from being Yours Truly) is me old motor has superb groinde clearance so unlikely to bottom oit in unexpected deep snow and an ace column mounted pre-selector gear shift (look that up yourselves cunts) with plenty orf low gears.

“Fuck Orf! I’m finishing me single marlt.”

Orn distaff side the old leather and horsehair upholstery freezes me arse orf but is excellent for me piles and the ferocious turbo blower heater just aboit keeps up with the icy draught coming in through the holes in me floor. Compassion for the cunts caught oit in it? All coming together in Blighty’s finest hour? Fuck orf and freeze your tits orf you cunts.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

Might add that YT always travels with a fully stocked drinks cabinet (lovely original walnut veneer built in jobbie). Thus if the worst does come to the worst there is always the option orf getting totally pissed.

Olivia Colman

Olivia Colman’s a bit of a cunt, isn’t she?

Initially it was quite humorous seeing this funny-looking goon in productions but now the moon-faced ferret is in everything. It’s as if she’s cloned herself for every channel.

Who can forget her demented, wide-eyed, screechy woman with the Northern accent in Peep Show? Or the demented, wide-eyed, screechy woman with a Northern accent in Flowers? My favourite was the demented, wide-eyed screechy French woman with a Northern accent in Les Miserables. Now she’s up for an Oscar (who still watches this backslapping shitfest) for her role as Queen Anne as a demented, wide-eyed, screechy woman with a Northern accent.

However, she’s recently remarked how she feels “threatened” by losing her anonymity and now lives “like a hermit” since achieving fame.


Colman, who starred in Broadchurch with that other portentous cunt David Tennant (who attended the Lifts-his-Right-Eyebrow Drama School) admitted that she rarely ventures out. “I have friends that I adore and I like going to safe places with them, my home or their home,” she said.

Yet another millionaire thesp “suffering” the pressures of fame. Listen chip-pan hair, if you don’t like the occasional little person kissing your arse, telling you they love you, and asking for a selfie then fucking retire! Nobody’s forcing you to appear in twenty shows a year. Christ on a skateboard! Start the clock on the “Trump man bad, Bwexit bad” gibberish. The only difference between you and any other whining, preening one-trick fucking pony is that you actually resemble a pony, you bug-eyed, bunny-toothed bore.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Will Young (2)

Will Young has declared that ‘The Grand Tour’ is “pathetic and repulsive” for referring to a Jeep being driven by Jeremy Clarkson as a vehicle used by the homosexual community. Which is, of course, correct. It’s by far the gayest vehicle for men ready to leap fabulously from the closet, followed very closely by the Toyota Hilux (for northern men in denial).

He’s now threatened Amazon with being reported to Ofcom, those bunch of toothless twats. No doubt Amazon are quaking in their boots, being squared up to (online, of course) by a certified bumlord.

He ought to keep his nose out of motoring matters anyhow, as last year he was handed a driving ban for crashing into a car in Porridgeland, almost wiping out a pedestrian who had to leap out of the way. Quite how he lost control, we’ll never know…

Will Young – keep your nose out of mens’ business and stop going squealing onto social media when an innocent joke offends your poofy spinelessness.

Nominated by Thomas the Cunt Engine