Jonathan van Tam

Jonathan Van Tam is the deputy chief medical officer and adviser to the British government on coronavirus, but I remember him for his character Pigsy in ‘Monkey’ back in the late 70s early 80s.

I’d race back from the chippy on a Friday with fish and chips for the family and settle down to watch him, monkey, and tripi Taker kung fu fight against various baddies.
He’s aged a bit but recognized him straight away.

He’s saying about moving to level 5 (?) And a lockdown.

I think its very noble of him as he won’t be able to go visit his family and sample traditional foods like bat soup and deep fried dog.

Hes a great man who doesn’t just get by due to his movie star looks like Chris Whitty.
So thanks Jonathan, and yes I want egg flied lice please.

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt 

…and this late entry from Lord Cuntington

Jonathan Van Tam what monumentous cunt that bloke is.

Another one of those doom & gloom scientists like Chris not so Whitty and Vallance who loves telling everyone how bad the virus is, we should expect to wear masks and follow rules indefinitely.

The prospect of the vaccine ending the pandemic seems to terrify him as he’ll lose all his screen time and publicity.

It’s about time the likes of him and SAGE are fucked off and kicked into touch so we can ensure the stick they’ve got lodged up Boris Johnson’s arse is removed so he puts a stop to these wrist slittingly depressing rules.

32 thoughts on “Jonathan van Tam

  1. I wonder if he ever got his trotters on the lovely Lady Vega? If only he knew Tripitaka was played by a woman, poor lovelorn Pigsy.

  2. Monkey and Harold Lloyd on Friday evenings on BBC2. Great stuff.
    The young lady who played Tripitaka was a lovely looking girl. A shame she died so young.

  3. PING-WING he pie-man son,He velly worst chilo allo Can-ton,
    He steal he mother picklum mice,
    An thlowee cat in bilin‘ rice.
    Hab chow-chow up, an‘ ‗Now,‘ talk he,
    My wonda‘ where he meeow cat be?‘
    Ping-Wing see gentleum wailo go
    He scleamee, Hai yah fan kwei lo!‘
    All same you savvy in Chinese,one foleign devil lookee see!‘
    But gentleum t‘hat pidgin know,he catchee Ping and •oggum so
    T‘hat alloway om that day, maskee, He velly good littee Chinee.*

    * Pidgin English Cantonese style for ‘Little yellow bastard’.

  4. TamTams are shit versions of chocolate Penguins in Australia. P-p-p-p-pick up a Pigsy.

    Tripitakka: Monkey, you must have coulage and bling honour on us all.
    Pigsy: You gonna die, Monkey.
    Monkey: Ahh Pigsy, you leally get on my arse.
    Sandy: Ha ha Pigsy. You is velly ugree.
    Monkey: Shut up you Fishface cunt. The nature of Monkey is…ille-plessable!

    • See im not the only one who remembers it? 😀😀

      First time I saw Johnathon on the news, the gag reflex was that servere I nearly honked up,
      Fuckin ell, whatever hes had must be far worse than covid?
      Like a scabby potbellied pig,
      Oh jesus, I thought,
      Please dont let me catch whatever hes got!
      Turns out the little yellow rice gobbler is a scientist?!!
      Bullshit!
      Theyve shaved Fiddlers prize boar and stuck a lab coat on it!
      But no, turns out he is.
      I could never take medical advice of someone so hideous looking,
      Im sorry but plain looking I can stomach,
      But sideshow freaks I refuse to listen too.

      • I thought he looked like Danger Mouse’s sidekick, Penfold or the budget Vietnamese Jean-Claude Van Damme. Nice nom Miserable, I can’t wait for Whitty, Vallance and Van Tim Tam to fuck off back into obscurity.

      • When Tam-Tam has a shave it probably looms like somebody’s thrown up a bag of pork scratching.

  5. Why they giving out the vaccine 3 months apart? Was that Jonathan van Dam Tam Pigsy’s idea?

    Why they saying the NHS is at risk of being overwhelmed with 4/5ths of critical beds free (DM 2 days ago)?

      • Daily Mail, obviously, who said that last week a fifth of critical care beds were full ergo 4/5ths were not full. Why do you disagree?

        I think the govt should make a national dashboard on hospital capacity, admissions, discharges and deaths by cause to prevent all this ‘I think they’re full’ vs ‘I think they’re not full’ divisiveness.

    • What vaccine? A vaccine gives immunity to disease. None of the Corona virus vaccines give immunity. Who says so? The companies producing them. The ‘vaccines’ do not prevent you from catching or passing on Corona. Calling these medications vaccines is a sham. What they are meant to do is prevent you developing severe symptoms. The vast majority of people are not going to develop symptoms anyway. It’s hard to see the reason for giving people a non vaccine that doesn’t prevent the recipient catching the disease.

      Pfizer have apparently stopped manufacturing their ‘vaccine’ the reason given is they are modifying the manufacturing process and nothing to do with mounting deaths and illness immediately after receiving the ‘vaccine’. If you die within 28 days (about to ride to 60 days) of a positive covid test your death will be recorded as covid related, if you die with a few days or hours of receiving the ‘vaccine’ ,the vaccine will have nothing to do with your sudden demise.

      At least they could be honest enough not to call these medications vaccines.

  6. Completely unrelated-but all I want in life is to fuck the shit out of a young hot Gillian Anderson dressed as Dana Skully saying “do me big boy” in her yank accent.. (in her 20s, early 30s,). I wake up up screaming in the night from the nightmares of being taunted by her. The Horror…the horror…

    That time has passed, and my life is a living nightmare.

    INJECT ME WITH ADRENALINE AND SET ME ON FIRE

    • Without a doubt, Bad Lieutenant. The smile on my face when I saw that magazine featuring Gillian in her duds (FHM 1996) on the shelf in WH Smith. A few days after I bought the magazine, my then girlfriend thought I had hurt my hand. Well, I did overuse it a bit. Let’s just say that.

      https://i.redd.it/ggxwa51rk9ky.jpg

  7. The Marshall Of The Heavenly Hosts was cast down to earth as a pig spirit for trying to grope the Jade Emperor’s bit on the side.

    Whenever Pigsy had carnal thoughts in this world, he looked more like a pig.
    One episode he was ogling a Japanese milf as she was in the rick. Pigsy then turned into a full blown porker, the whole hog and he nearly ended up on a spit.

    They don’t make great telly like that any more…

      • Its the only bit of foreign culture ive ever liked, that and ‘ the water margin’.
        Great stuff.

      • It was on when I got home from the pub and I stopped watching it after a few weeks when I realised I was too pissed to have any fucking clue what was going on. Same with Water Margin.

      • I was about 10yr Moggie and followed it like a religion.
        Wish theyd show it again.

  8. Squeal piggie, squeal louder. Louder. Louder, louder. Louder! Louder! Louder! Get down now, boy, get them britches down. You can do better than that, boy, you can do better than that. Come on, squeal!

    He got a real pretty mouth, ain’t he? 😆

  9. Johnathan Van Tampax is utterly useless.Deputy Science Officer my arse.Cast the piggy on the barbecue.Mark my words people will start rioting soon as SAGE want to carry on the lockdown until Autumn.TWATS.Hand grenade.Locked room.All of them.

  10. Great work in this nom.
    I bloody loved Monkey and The Water Margin.
    All the other lads went off to Boys Brigade and I settled down to quality insane telly.
    Oh and the pig faced boffin? Fuck him and the North Korea submarine that dropped him off to spread his cack.
    Bat obsessed cunts.

  11. Van Tam? Odd looking bugger, shifty, up to no good and deeply untrustworthy.
    A see a career in politics..
    And I will not have this prick, or anyone else in my life, telling how to live and what to do.
    Pigsy was mean in Monkey, (Monkey got thrown out of heaven for thieving peaches and Mrs Buddha would punish him for fighting when he was not supposed to by tightening the band on his head) and always unsuccessfully chasing girls – but Monkey rightened him up, and Pigsy was handy with his muck rake in a fight! – as he did with the Fish Monster Sandy, who it turns out was a really nice mild mannered hippy. And Monkey had his own cloud he could whistle to take him about – add the groovy “Monkey Magic” rock theme tune and you have the recipe for perfection!
    Monkey and the superb and incredibly violent Water Margin were required viewing in the Fox household when I was a kid – our Mother was not keen on them but we were violent aggressive little fkrs when outside the Family home and we loved those programmes!

    • Quite a few characters in The Water Margin got sliced in half with swords.
      Not bad for tea time viewing 😀

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