Losing a Hand


Losing a hand is a cunt.

I’m in PNG and keep on seeing people who’ve lost a hand.

First is this little mummy in a village, shy young thing with a left hand like a two fingered claw. Somehow as a child she burnt it in a fire, infection set in and never controlled.

Last week in the doctors the fella next to me his arm in a sling. He had 3 fingers and half the palm sheared off by heavy metal in a mine drilling accident.

Today in the plantation we came across a little lady collecting sticks for the fire. Her left forearm was only half there. Same story, burnt in the fire when a child, presumably infection set in and they amputated the lot. Or maybe it just decayed off your to there. Then the woman who works with me piped up, said her oldest daughter has the same problem.

What, lost a hand?
Yes
How did she lose it?
Cut off
By whom?
Her husband
He’s now in prison, right?
No they’re still married
Eh?

Then in Sumatra the girl helping at the hairdressers, her hand was cut off across the palm, all four fingers gone. I remember thinking what in dogs name happened to you? Later I realised it probably was done in dogs name, as some kind of women control Muslim punishment thing

All these folks had their bodies grievously marred through ill will or apathy, And all I say is losing a hand is a cunt!

Nominated by: Three Strokes

63 thoughts on “Losing a Hand

  1. I’ve got Kenny Rogers ‘The Gambler’ stuck in my head now. We had a girl school with a stump, turned out to be a lezza, plays darts and runs the bar, it’s not held her back. Never seen her light a fire though.

  2. Ive decided to keep both of mine.
    So I can applaud brave Marcus Rashford our next PM.
    PNG? What you doing there 3?
    Not a missionary are you?

      • They still get cases of tribal cannibalism LL, known for it!!
        And got crocodiles!
        So Three Stroke probably not in a all inclusive holiday?

      • I watched a series on an Alaskan gold mining crew prospecting for gold in PNG, rivers full of man eaters and some cunt has to go dredging down there.

      • Lets not go LL?
        It doesn’t sound much fun,
        And im betting the foods not great!

    • No, missionary is not my position!

      Got out of Australia because I couldn’t stand Living in the PR of VicDanistan.

      PNG much more primitive but a lot less masks and wuflu bullshit, so suits me for now.

  3. Losing one hand is certainly better than both. The case of Abu Hamza springs to mind.

    Must be a git when he has an itch to scratch on his twig and berries. Imagine when it’s time to wipe his arse – he runs the risk of disembowelling himself every time!

    Serves him right the goatfucking cunt.

  4. What is Fiddler doing in the picture? Does he really have a hook for a hand?
    Dressed up really regally.

    Losing a hand must be one of the worst things that can happen. 30 years ago the thought of losing my wanking hand would have been horrific.

  5. Isn’t it this Friday of colour thing today? Perhaps they can buy some cool attachments or something? Sad about the little girl though :/ The Belgians in the Congo had a nasty hand fetish didn’t they?

  6. Usually very generous one armed people, if in need they’re prepared to ‘stump up’.

    Actually, one pub regular had a withered arm and he was tight as fuck. I can remember saying it was because he couldn’t get he’s hand into his pocket.

    Another time saw him playing a fruit machine and said to my friend ‘that’s a fair game, it’s a one armed bandit versus another one armed bandit’.

    • Speaking of brains, I think it’s PNG where there has been / is, a traditional custom of digging up dead relatives and removing some of their brains, and consuming them, as part of some ritual. This has led to a fairly common occurrence of a CJD type disease.
      Lovely.
      Good morning.

      • Morning Jack
        Judith Chalmers surprisingly never went PNG,
        Bet the PNG tourist board have their work cut out?!

      • Part of that story is that burying the body is simple waste of good meat. For some reason the women ate more of the stuff

      • Aye, can see why you choose it 3stroke!
        Im never letting you get involved in the ISAC jolly boys outing!😁

      • Islanders call human long pig. I paid for a funeral feast recently, there were 3 pigs and four other animals they were rather coy about; dogs so it proved. Every time I try to raise a puppy here they disappear just when they’re fattened up

  7. Strictly off-topic, but this brings to mind the weather girl, Lucy Martin. As her monodexterity is congenital (and not, zB, due to ineptitude while using a small band saw, pre-war spin dryer, or large centrifugal in-line fan at her cannabis grow) she didn’t actually lose her hand.

    • Stump Lucy is ok TT,
      Just lacks concentration during woodworking.
      Shes not embarrassed by it,
      Good for her, draw a smiley face on it and soldier on I say!!

      • Morning MNC!

        No, no: she didn’t lose it “during woodworking”. As said, her modicobrachy is congenital meaning hereditary¹, innate, native, inborn, inherited¹

        ¹ I assume – but do not know – her affliction, sorry – dysfunction – ie it was neither caused by her mother’s inadvertent ingestion of outdated pharmaceutical products of Chemie Grünenthal GmbH nor a misunderstanding with a school lathe

      • Ah born stumpy☹️
        If it was me id tell people I lost my hand fighting a bull shark.
        Wear a divers knife on my hip.
        ‘Lucy the shark killer’ has a better ring to it than ‘stump Lucy’!

  8. A few years ago I knew a guy who worked in a petrol station. One night some guy with a prosthetic arm comes in and tries to rob the place with a kitchen knife. The cashier whacked him in the face with a fire extinguisher. Didn’t take the plods long to find the only guy in town with a prosthetic arm and a fucking bad headache!! The thick twat.

  9. If Gemma Arterton dies while still relatively young,I plan to ask her family if I can have one of her hands before they bury her..I will then have my own hand removed and replaced by Gemma’s…just imagine!…Gemma Arterton’s lovely little soft hand reaching in to grab my todger ten times a day!…I’ll get nothing done for wanking.

    Obviously I’ve haven’t contacted Gemma directly about my wishes…I wouldn’t want her to think that I’m some kind of weirdo.

      • ‘Fraid not Robin…it is to be placed in the coffin with Gemma…she can enjoy Eternity with Fiddler’s fingers stuck up her….it’s only fair.

    • PS…I expect Gemma’s hand’ll have a mind of it’s own and be constantly fiddling away at the most inopportune of moments…Hey Ho…at least they’ll no longer be able to accuse me of being a degenerate when I’m caught having a tug while lurking in bushes watching the Young Mother’s Outdoor Aerobics Class.

      • Well she must be a lezza,Robin…no other explanation for her dodging of the Fiddler pork-prong.

      • ‘No other explanation’ Dick?

        I can think of several. Just after reading your contributions to this thread.

        You and the hounds looking forward to the end of lockdown? Those foxes won’t hunt themselves.

      • Oh it would take more than a “lockdown” to interrupt the vital work of pest control….it wouldn’t be fair to deprive the Commoners of the sound of my little horn tootling away and shouts of “Tally-Ho” wafting down the valley..besides I spend a vast sum of money on a new horse and it’s tack…fucking lucky that grant money is still flooding in.

        Morning,Mike.

    • Why wait? Send her a request for a mould of her hand. Prob best not to tell her what you’ll do with the latex cast you’ll be making with it!

  10. Known a few people who’ve lost limbs or part of limbs, industrial accidents, motorcycle accidents. Have restricted use of my left hand myself after an accident in my teens.

    Deliberately maiming people is a calculated punishment and dished out for what is to us unreasonable reasons.

    Not sure I’m in agreement with it but then we allow people to commit multiple burglaries with a slap on the wrist. Maybe losing a hand would deter the cunts.

  11. I went to Junior school with a girl who wore an artificial hand-a vague memory of flesh coloured strapping and buckles-poor kid☹️. I moved away when really young-I wonder how life treated her🤔.
    Question for cunters-would such a physical disability put you off approaching a lady?

    In my 20’s, a friend of a lad I played in a band with, had a girlfriend in a wheelchair. He was a bit of a greasy, runny slob, long hair with dandruff, pot belly-I said that he was with her because :
    -she lowered her standards as being in the chair would put a lot of blokes of, so she would be grateful for any attention.
    -he couldn’t get an “able-bodied” girl😒
    I was amused to hear that she dumped him for being a fucking deviant weirdo 😂

    • A friend had this stunning bird who unfortunately had lost a leg due to some bone cancer as a teen. She was rather emotionally damaged, unsurprisingly.

      (typo fixed – DA)

  12. One day at work, a few years ago, I had to go and talk to a chap who I’d never met before. Well, he had a stump and even though I had taken this in, I still stupidly went in to hand shake and shook the stump, then the full horror of what I had done dawned on me. He didn’t seem to mind though.

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