“I’m Not Going To Lie To You”

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(I could have used a header pic of a grubby London chav giving it large, innit, but opted for this lady instead. Thus giving you a good excuse to look very closely at the text on her t-shirt and not feel guilty about it – DA)

Uttered by turds who want to emphasise something but lack the lexical variety. Locked and ready to be gobbed at any moment. Repeated over and over like a simpleton’s Tourette twitch. By contrast, does it mean that when this shitty cliché ISN’T said, the speaker IS lying?

Notably it’s pronounced by London chavs in a weird Yorkshire-type accent rendering the hackneyed drivel even odder: “Ah ain’ gonnah laaa tuh-yer, broh!” Sometimes it is married to a gang sign hand gesture as if fresh from a Baltimore ghetto.

This seems to be as popular as the hackneyed “to be honest” , a nervous twitch that begins many a sentence, especially with foreigners/pîkeys/bumpkins. Again, does it mean a lack of honesty when NOT said.

Another modern phrase, another stab in the heart for intelligent discourse, another grating ear-worm, another trite saying uttered by fatuous, automaton-like shit-gibbons

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

65 thoughts on ““I’m Not Going To Lie To You””

  2. P.S. Kanye West is a monumental cunt too
    P.P.S. Admin, couldn’t you have found a picture of a bird with bigger tits?

    (Ungrateful bastards! It took me literally minutes to find that on Google. And in any case I don’t like big-titted women. – DA)

      • Aye like that lass who streaked at the rugby about 50 years back.
        I think it was on the news at the time,before they became cunts.

      • Erica!!
        She had a fine pair of lungs on her eh Terry?
        She should of got a award or something!
        Im getting fidgety thinking about it,
        Well done Erica!
        Class pair of knockers!👌

    • I prefer pert. Well done, Admin.

      (Thank you, K. At least someone has taste compared to those two degenerate reprobates – DA)

    • @admin:
      There is a very high probability, that I have experienced more quality fanny, than any other counter-an amazing variety of flange from every corner of the earth😀👍.
      I came to a solid conclusion early on, that the perfect women is 5’ 4”, size 8-10, 34c with nipples like scanning wheel nuts👍
      So I am with you.

      (Any cunters disputing my claim as no 1 wencher-tough😄)

      • Oi! Errol Flynn,
        Weve had our share of hole too you know!
        Ive shagged 3 and the others have too.

      • A bold claim indeed,General… but I’m not really convinced that working your way through every video in every category on Pornhub really counts as “experiencing”…I’ve watched a lot of horse-racing videos but I’m not Lester Piggott.

        🙂 .

      • I was waiting for that😄👍

        If Pornhub and such had been available in my early days, perhaps it would have saved me a fortune in petrol and train fairs😄

    • Ungrateful cunters! She’s a sweet looking model who fills me with intrigue about what’s underneath. Pert Bs I’m thinking

  3. Oh there are so many of these little irritations:

    “The BBC has learned” at the start of a really dramatic news story. You have also “Learned” the story before it and the story after it, or else you wouldn’t be able to tell us about them, you utter, fake cunts.

    “At the end of the day”. It’s midnight. Move on.

    Grrrrrrrrrrr

  4. Think this might be regional Captain, not heard this round here,
    Although thought a bloke was throwing me the crips gang sign,
    But it turns out he has severe rhumatoid arthritis.
    I still reported him to the police though.

  6. I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t even realise this was a thing.

    It is a bit like the phrase “to be honest”…. although I don’t think the person is lying if they don’t start with that disclaimer, it’s just a figure of speech.

  7. Solid cunting CM.
    I ain’t gonna lie…I would prefer some bigger tits in the picture.

  8. The statement on that t-shirt is a cunting itself. Anybody who says that people should love themselve’s are self-absorbed cunts.

  9. If someone uses that to me I want to know about their criminal record. If they also talk about “reaching out” to someone, see if they’re on the sex offenders’ register, too.

  10. “I’m not going to lie to you”.
    “Good, because if you do you will get a fkin good belting”.
    I detest liars.

  11. There is rather too much focus on the picture provided by admin, women are not just sex objects to be discussed in terms of chest size……

    However, a slim figure with a nice tight little arse, pretty with firm pert tities fits the bill.

    (I wish I hadn’t bothered with that pic! Anyway, back to the main theme of the nom – DA)

      • Like a stallion Dick,😀
        Grabbing as much work as I can before our geniuses in Westminster decide no one should be working.
        Youve been noticeable absent of late?
        And missed!👍👍

  14. ‘To be frank’ is maybe what they mean but are too common to have heard the phrase, let alone use it.

    • Quite so, Cuntologist.

      “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” doesn’t have quite the same ring when you say “I’m not going to lie to you, my dear, I don’t give a damn”.

      • I don’t know Ruff Tuff, I quite like that. I can just picture Terry Thomas saying that to some young totty just before he speeds off in a Jag.

      • Fast forward to today “Not gonna tell no lies beatch ” before driving off in a white Nissan Qashqai!

  15. Excellent nom👍
    Listening to young, white British persons, communicating in “Jafaican” is tiresome. I do actually ask them to “please repeat that in the Queens English”.
    That might sound like a cunty thing to say, it does take the wind out if their sails-however, as you are aware I am a cunt😀👍

    • Do it back!
      Nowt more embarrassing to these cunts than a old cunt trying to be cool!
      Think maybe Harrison Ford,
      Hes in his 90s with a earring and married a skellington.

      Tom Hanks son is getting flak for exactly this at the moment!
      Posh Beverly Hills white kid speaking in Jamaican patois,
      “Hey! Isnt your dad Forrest Gump?”
      Shuts the cunt up.

  16. Great rack! ( Nice work admin)

    Anybody using this kind of language has self identified themselves a cunt and given me fair warning to avoid them …

  17. I do not like these modern phrases at all and the trend toward that fucking urban Jamaican patois makes me full Patrick Bateman.
    The dozy little cunts want gassing.

  18. DA, do you seriously imagine any of us is going to feel the minutest iota of guilt about staring at a pair of tits?

  19. ‘lexical variety’, ‘intelligent discourse’.
    All rather superior.
    I’m not going to lie to you.

  20. Hats off to Admin for supplying an image of a young lady, sporting a chest flatter than Cambridgeshire.
    I will be forever indebted to you.

  22. I’ve no idea, Cupid. You keeping well, in the best possible taste? 🙂

    “Oh my days” Yea, what about them?

  23. Always in the best possible taste Spoons, yourself?
    Another millennial piss boiler for me is “like”, as in;
    ‘We were, like, waiting at the bus stop and the bus was, like, really late but there was this, like, really fit guy there and he was, like, smiling at me and…..”
    Oh fuck off you nauseating little bitch!!!

    • Or, what about cunts who start a sentence with “So…..”

      So. A word that should never be used to start a sentence. Grrrrr

      • And these cunts who start a sentence with ‘or’.
        Or ‘and’, come to think of it. So what, you might say but you’d be a cunt. By the way, how are mum and dad Robin?

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