Shexit (Shetland Islands)

We can all do with a bit of light relief in these trying times, so hats off to the good burghers of the Shetland Islands for giving it to us, via a real poke in the eye for those twats in the SNP.

Shetlanders, who have never been keen on the notion of Scottish independence from the UK, seem to be increasingly frustrated by the attitude of the Holyrood parliament.

Concerned at what they see as the ‘hoarding of power and money’* by Holyrood, and cuts in funding to the islands, councillors in Lerwick have voted overwhelmingly to pursue self-determination.

Apparently this would effectively involve becoming a self-governing Crown dependency along the lines of Jersey and the Isle of Man, thereby remaining part of the UK whatever the future governance of Scotland turns out to be.

Oh the delicious irony of it. It’s audacious and hilarious. So come on Wee Jimmy Krankie, let’s hear the SNP’s position on this. After all, you and your Westminster mouthpiece Ian ‘Bloater’ Blackford do nothing but bleat on incessantly about how ‘the democratic aspirations of people must be met’. Why aren’t you endorsing the Shetlanders’ call for a referendum on the proposal?. Perhaps you’re troubled by the paradox of how you can keep Scotland together whilst trying your utmost to tear it out of the UK?. Who’s next, the Orkney Islands, perhaps?

Mmm, silence has been the deafening reply so far… go on Krankie, put that in your bagpipes and fucking smoke it.

* approximate translation into English; ‘it’s Shetland’s fookin’ oil!’.

Nominated by: Ron Knee 

36 thoughts on “Shexit (Shetland Islands)

  1. Once met a bloke from the Shetlands. I think many if them are originally of Nordic descent and don’t really see themselves as Jocks.

    I bet Lego head has a far different opinion on whether they should have a referendum. This has made my day. Almost as much as Palace showing Man Utd up yesterday.

  2. They would be better off under Norwegian control. Sexy Women, good work life balance. But the cost of Norway’s Alcohol is a total cunt…..

  3. Fuck me, the Shetlands looks a long way from anywhere. If I were Wee Jimmy I would tell them “toe the line or i’ll send you a couple of shiploads of peacefuls you mouthy cunts.”
    That should shut them up.

  4. I think about 250 miles north of Aberdeen. Always look at it on the weather forecast. Rarely seems to get above 18c.

    It’s the Jocks in the Lowlands who really hate the English, those closest to the borders.

  5. If the Shetlands vote to remain in the U.K. that will really fuck Nicola over probably the first good rogering she will ever have had.

    • Nice one.
      Lerwick sounds like heaven on earth!
      Can be a heat wave and they are only just above freezing!!😳
      Never hot an sunny in Lerwick.
      Wee Nicky should give them their referendum, shes always fuckin whining about independence, put your money where your mouth is you ginger Herman Munster headed cunt.

      • When I typed this up, I thought the perfect place for MNC.

        Great day today. Some warm but not too hot September sunshine. Sat in garden with a nice chilled stout.

  6. I like it! I want to declare Yorkshire a separate self autonomous principality with me in charge!
    Let’s see anyone try and invade! (ISAC members are of course welcome on a free day ticket basis) – but some “arse in the air” religions and Dooshka Dooshkas will find themselves a lot less welcome!

    • Fabulous idea VF just make sure Sir Geoffrey Boycott is in charge of law and order.

      • “Check the line and length, play steadily through – see that p*ki head go flying”!
        Sensible solutions.

    • Vernon-The Muslim Council if Great Britain have tried, on many occasions, to petition to make West Yorkshire a sharia state.

      Re: shetlanders, I know a few who fucking hate the SNP and the direction they want for Scotland.

      At Mis: 18 degrees, pretty cold-the people can be pretty fucking cold too, unfortunately.

      • The local police are all indigenous, like that D.I Jimmy Pérez on the Shetlands TV series. Uhh? WTF is he doing with a name like Pérez?

      • A Spanish ancestor of his in the 18th century must have been shipwrecked and washed up on the bleak Shetland Islands where he made a life for himself with the help of manservant, McFriday.

      • CG@
        Id soon win them over with my loveable personality and tact.
        “Is yer sister a good ride?”😀

      • I feel that within a year you would change your name to Lord Summerisle and would be constructing a wicker man👍😀😀😀

  7. Wee Jimmy is stuck between a rock and a hard place here. She can’t say no to them, because after spending her entire political career calling for “independence” for Scotland, she’ll make herself look a massive hypocrite if she says no. And if she says yes, and Shetland then votes for independence from Scotland, the other islands might call for independence votes too. Either way, this is starting to feel like a popcorn moment.

    • A popcorn moment indeed, QDM.

      If you remember rightly, wee Jimmy Krankie wanted Scotland’s independence based on the price of Brent crude at the time and the north sea oil fields being in Scottish waters.

      The Opec nations then decided to fuck Russia over and crash the Rouble, which left Scotland with an annual income of about £50 from oil production.

      Try and join the EU on the back of that Nicola, You complete fucking cretin.

  8. The bitch can say no because she IS a fucking hypocrite and she doesn’t fucking care. The tranny is obsessed with independence and that’s all she cares about. She can see statues of herself in every city in Scotland. She would probably exterminate every bird in the country to stop them shitting on her.

  9. Orkney is already wanting it too, poison dwarf.

    Aberdeen would probably tell her they want independence.

    Let the Scots have indepence if they want it but that’s it no coming back if it goes wrong , you have your own currency, fuck off and don’t come back.

    • I remember Salmond arguing at one point that if independence didn’t work out, Scotland could just rejoin the UK!
      I think he was trying to persuade the ‘soft’ vote that they could hedge the bet, but soon dropped the idea when it was made pretty damn clear that if Scotland did vote for indy, they could fuck off and not think of coming back.

  10. I mentioned the Orkney Islands in the cunting, and interestingly, The Telegraph has reported on the stirring of anti Holyrood sentiment there as well. As Quick Draw so aptly put it, could turn into a real popcorn moment or two. Be tremendous if the Western Isles kicked off as well, but I think there’s quite a SNP presence there, so don’t know if the anti-Holyrood sentiment has any traction in that part of Scotland.

  11. Why don’t they just become part of England? We already have lots of islands and this could be another of ours. Obviously they’d have to learn how to talk properly like.

  12. I’d love to see Krakies face if they really pushed for independence. Face it, they could probable make more money selling jumpers than Scotland could make selling oil.

  13. Just look at all that sea that they have control over.
    Full of fish, and oil, and gas.
    Wee Nippie’s budget would be properly clipped. And the cherry on top would be that it was still the UK’s.
    Never mind we, I am a Scot, have got all those windmills half the time producing nothing but subsidies, half of the time producing too many electrons which have to be flogged off at less than cost or else curtailed by, you guessed it, a subsidy to shut down.
    If, God forbid, Wee Jimmy ever gets her way then the rest of the UK can tell the Scots to keep their cheap electrons, and by the way, n that, if you want some yourself when the wind is not blowing, or blowing too much, have some of ours at a very popular price, well popular with us, of lots of bawbees per joule.
    News Flash. Ms Krankie’s cunning plan to reduce the consumption of alcohol by increasing the price of cheap booze is not working.
    Sales of laughing liquor have increased. Probably, like myself, people now buy better quality booze because it costs the same anyway.

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