Making Stuff Up About Wearing Masks

We all know the rules regarding masks, there’s been sufficient debate on this fine, august site about it. But, for fucks sake, don’t come at me with your bullshit about lowering your oxygen saturation levels. I can put a SATS probe on you and if you’re not suffering from COPD or any other respiratory affliction, your SATS will be anything from 93-100%. (88-92% for COPD sufferers). I can put a mask on you, keeping the probe on your finger, and THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. Don’t wear a mask, whatever your reasons, even your David Icke-esque conspiracy theories as I couldn’t give a fuck, but, don’t be a cunt and claim the above because medical science and medical facts say you’re a cunt for claiming it. A doctor in the link explains and demonstrates this better than me.

Nominated by: DCI Gene Cunt

134 thoughts on “Making Stuff Up About Wearing Masks

  1. I concur-humans can breathe through their skin-must be true as I have spend hundreds of hours with my face buried in muff with no detrimental side effects, whatsoever.😀

    I am sure B&W will be along to back me up👍

    • Evening CG and m63, I know what you mean CG…spent ages tonguing a bird and had no side effects, due to my good looks and physique women are usually dripping wet and I have not suffered from near drowning either.
      moggie63 I am totally against that, I like a lady to be a lady…no farting when I’m abaaaaht and especially when it’s sex time.

  2. Good nom DCI! 👍

    I make stuff up about wearing masks.
    Just to spread fear.
    Tell wimmen I dont know a mask makes them look fat.
    Im not a fan of them, masks, I wear a bandana in the supermarket,
    Like Billy the kid but thats it.
    Can see why people do especially old fuckers.
    Masks are 75%more likely to involve you in a road traffic accident.

    See? Did it again.

    • They look like African head masks in the pic. They might become all the rage. Finally we whiteys have something to hide behind.

      In other news they are removing all the shrunken heads from the British Museum, the Oxford Museum.

      You any shrunken heads Miserable? At the bottom of the wardrobe? I bet Mr Fiddler has some-bequeathed to him by his great uncle Ebenezer an explorer of the dark continent. With this new attitude to them he better get on and sell the market I would imagine is well…shrinking.

      Talking of decapitated heads. I watched the drama about Dennis Nielson last night. He had a head in a cooking pot. The second part is tonight.

      Just a heads up there.

      • Hi Miles!
        Strangly I know a bit about shrunken heads!
        Jivaro tribe in south America I think, they use hot sand to do it.
        I think theyre ace!
        Why remove them?
        Its interesting not racist or other daft shite is it?
        Tell anyone moaning to speak to the Jivaro tribe and to let me know how they get on!
        Also their new hat size!😊😊

  3. It’s a winner in my book irrespective of Covid. Not having to smell the tattooed chavy fat cunt with her arse hanging out, tits on her back, with her six kids in tow is a blessing in my book. Hurrah for masks.

  4. I heard that if you make up facts about masks you end up with Boris Johnson thwacking you arse with a triple pronged bamboo backed leather tors while Cummings pees into a Ming Vase.

    That’s official government policy.

  5. I don’t how surgeons manage to wear them for hours on end but kudos to them, they do, and they’re not dropping down dead so the oxygen thing seems a stretch too far.

    I find my mask leaves me desperate to take a deep breath so I avoid wearing it for longer than it takes to get around the grocery store, check out and get out. Whether or not the government specified ‘fabric face covering’ is effective is for another conversation!

    • I have to wear the fucking things for every patient we see. I have red marks under the eyes where the fucking things chafe. I wear them in shops but, ss soon as I’m out of the door, the fucking thing is off. As far as I’m aware, tbey’re for stopping droplets, not air. We stick them over the nose and gob of someone in cardiac arrest until we’re in Level 3 protection before we carry out Aerosol Generating Procedures. Some dull cunt was banging on about us suffocating patients doing that! Yeah mate, HEMS are always doing that… I did see some bellend in a convertible, roof down, wearing a mask, on Sunday, the cunt! Don’t think he was impressed at me laughing at him.

  6. It’s all to do with subjugation and acceptance of bullshit. They may help, they may not. But do we really want to go around with our faces covered for the remote possibility of catching the virus and dying from it? It is uncivilised and against human nature. Piers Corbyn talks a lot of sense on this. By all means – wear a mask if it makes you feel safe, but don’t castigate those who don’t want to.

    • Open to correction, but my understanding is the point of the mask isn’t to protect the wearer but the cunts in his spluttering, sneezing vicinity. Which of course makes it even less likely that your general purpose chav cunt will be fucked to wear one.

      Observation strongly supports my conclusion, there.

  7. Let me put it to you this way.

    Put your muzzle on like a good little subservient drone and make sure it is fitted nice and snug.

    Now, heave out a long wet fart after a night on the Guinness and tandoori.

    Can you smell that fart? Take a good long sniff.

    If you can smell the fart, the muzzle is fucking useless. The virus can get through, round and underneath, unless it is a fully fitted asbestos removal operative’s mask with carbon filters.

    You have been had. The masks do nothing.

    And they’re made in China.

      • I did Gene, but I’m sick and tired of the corona bullshit.

        You know that I mean you no disrespect, considering your line of work.

        However, the way the government has dealt with this is to say the least an absolute clusterfuck.

        The stats are a load of made up bullshit and lies. At the height of the panic, there were no autopsies being done and every death was instantly put down to bat flu, then straight in the incinerator, no funeral, no family allowed. Its all fucking bollocks. Even car crash deaths were put down as Covid to big up the figures.

        So far, 99.965% of people in this country have not died of the corona bullshit. Many more have died because they didn’t get vital treatment while wards stood empty.

        I have asthma, I’m also a heavy smoker. This is my choice.

        I also have a fucking massive life insurance policy.

        Since I lost my job, my company is on the brink of folding and I’m ploughing through my savings at a rate of knots due to absolutely fuck all government help, I am currently worth more dead than alive.

        Covid 19? Bring it on. I’ve had worse.

    • “Muzzle” so original. I bet you call people “sheep” on all the internet forums too. I’ll sell you a tinfoil hat for £50 but I imagine you’ve already got a fair few.

      Whether the mask works or not, I’d rather put on a mask for the 5 minutes I’m in a shop than be everywhere on the internet calling people “sheep” & banging on about “muzzles”.
      I keep seeing your type all over the internet.. Got any stories about “everyone clapping” at you for not wearing a mask?

      You’re a hero in your own head.

      • And you need to open your eyes.

        Have a nice life. Living in fear.

        And no, I don’t own a tin foil hat or call people sheep(le).

        I call them cunts, for the simple reason that they tend to be thick as pigshit CUNTS!

  8. I hear that gay swingers have a code for mask wearing.
    White cheap ones-straight
    Patterned- open to experimenting
    Dark ones- anal
    Gold- you drink piss
    So you mask lovers be careful out there!

  9. Nice one DCI, if masks only prevent 1 or 2% of the spread it’s worth it and it gives people a little more confidence to get out and about, trains, shops and the like.

    The government should have been a lot tougher on exemptions and all this crap about Oxygen was just fucking idiots spouting off.

  10. I have my homemade Lone Ranger mask – topping form.
    I do not believe a single word the liars and clowns “in charge” tell us.
    We are being played.

    • But to what end Vern?

      This is the burning question.

      The only countries that are going to come out of this with an intact economy are China and Sweden.

        • There’s loads of ideas on that on David Icke’s site:

          -The UN’s Agenda 2021 and Agenda 2030
          -Totalitarian control
          -Aligning humans with technology inside them
          -The great reset and the new green deal
          – Depopulation

  11. Question DCI – when one buys disposable masks are there really less for NHS staff (as has been claimed) or do they use a different type of mask?

      • The viruses are around 140 nanometres and the pore size in masks is 80-500 micrometers, so the virus is 500 to 2000 times smaller than the pores in masks. There must be (or better be) some electrostatic effect to attract the virus to the fiber if the viruses are to be stopped whether inhaled or exhaled.

        I saw a woman doing the right thing wearing a mask while walking the dog. She was on her own in a field, miles from another person. I have no doubt that it was only the mask saved her from dropping dead in her tracks from wuflu.

      • They weren’t then either. Bloke I know was sat on an order from the NHS in mid March that wascancelled and I’m talking 1000s and they’re a regular supplier.

  12. Like the cunt in W1ckes today. Blew his nose with one finger on a nostril, a la Premiershit footballer, then wiped the remnants of his nose with his fingers, followed by his t-shirt. Then he put his mask on like a good little boy and proceeded to pick up packets of screws, look at them and put them back. Masks don’t stop unhygienic cunts.

  13. A brief web search found the following:

    disposable mask like most people wear – will stop 95% of particles greater than 3 microns. So, will let in 5% of particles of 3 microns or more and nothing of less than 3 microns
    average sneeze droplet size – 0.5 to 12 micron.

    So, the mask really does fuck all and I guess that’s why the police tactical squads and soldiers have full NCB suits, rather than Chinese masks. But, hey, comply and you’ll get your rewards.

    • No one claims they are 100% effective but they are better than nothing, using your example 95% of droplets greater that 3 micron are caught.
      If you listen to the medical people they say they have an effect but they aren’t a get out of jail free card.

    • If that’s the case, how come I’ve never caught it after using a normal surgical mask having travelled in the back of an ambulance with Covid pos. patients having treated them? I’m talking REAL experience, here, with no agenda – I hate the fucking things – not the internet and all it’s ‘Experts’.

      • At DCI Gene:


        Said in my best American, white male voice:
        “Thank you for your service, Sir.”


        Anyway, back to cuntfoolery……

      • Perhaps it’s not as contagious or effective as we’re being told?
        If these odds were applied to a horse race I’d put a sack of money on it.
        Is this going to be the future? Is that how you want it to be?

  14. If people want to wear masks that’s fine, if they don’t that’s fine. Early on according to science masks were not useful and now they are must have.

    I’ll wear a mask, I do fund them a pain in the arse and wear them only for the comfort of those who have a good reason to fear the virus, elderly and high risk folk.

  15. When Charlie Chan’s Revenge first started I was just about the only cunt in the street not wearing one and I got loads of dirty looks. Then when they announced you had to wear one in shops and public transport I thought i’d better get one. £2.50 I paid and when I got it home it said on the packet….” Made in China.”
    Fucking hell!
    So as soon as I started wearing it every other cunt stopped, even the staff in the supermarket. It’s all bollocks. If you are challenged you just say you are medically exempt and there’s fuck all they can do about it. Naturally I wear mine all the time just to be a contrary bastard.

  16. On a similar note people who dump those ghastly disposable masks on the pavement deserve to be waterboarded and fined their entire salary. Dirty cunts.

  17. Fuck masks.

    As Odins Balls correctly stated above, unless you’re wearing a properly fitted and virus particulate rated mask then you’re wasting your god time like a good boy cunt. If anything they increase the risk because the material may snag particles which you then later inhale, particles which may otherwise have passed by your gob and snooter on their own.

    All this is irrelevant anyway given your eyes are completely fucking exposed. No nasal hairs or saliva giving protection, just a one-way street to illness. Think you can go a whole day without rubbing your eyes?

    Washing your hands with soap was sound advice. Masks are not.

    • Just to add, getting really sick of cunts using ‘science’ as a trump card. The science does not say shitty masks prevent the spread. The science does say properly fitted virus rated masks do, because.. common fucking sense.

    • You do realise you typed and posted that rather than thought it? I’ll not bother arguing with an ‘Expert’, like you and your comrades, I’ll stick to our Trusts Mickey Mouse Medical Directors advice and guidelines, thanks. It’s those that have kept me, (not all of us, mind, some colleagues have died or got it), safe and clear, not internet conspiracy theory bullshit.

      I’ve got some magic beans for sale, if you’re interested? Failing that, a bridge in London….

      • Where did I mention anything conspiratorial? All I said was common sense and reason – until science demonstrably proves shitty non-rated poorly fitting masks work unequivocally then whatI said is completely valid.

        You’re hysterical about this topic, for whatever reason, and I don’t care to say anything more in your direction.

          • We all have DCI, everybody.
            It’s bollocks.
            Sorry if that offends.
            As for the medical bodies, do you mean Tetris Umbongo and his shitty organisation that hid the news of a breakout in the first place?

  18. 0.01% of contracting this shite more chance of me getting a blowjob off the Mrs and that’s fucking saying something, more ppl have it less ppl dieing from it nothing to do with increased testing,

    Nothing to do with W.H.O or Bill Gates either

    1984 remastered

  19. Whilst the cunts in Westminster continue to pour shite out of their mouths I’m not wearing a mask, while we’re being invaded by gimmicunts I’m not wearing a mask, Boris can fuck off, Priti can fuck off too,
    flu season soon , slight cold and you will have to isolate fuck off

    • Had a quick scan of this highly polemical piece, which is high on abuse of his opponents and does a fair bit of cherrypicking. Although used to find a wider public than a learned journal in your field, often in parallel with your peer-reviewed journal paper, Researchgate is open to anyone to publish their wares without requiring peer review.

      It’s extraordinarily badly written, too.

        • oh ffs.

          I will continue to wear my mask in the certain knowledge it’s protecting you more than me. This is largely because I’m a cunt. Must be. Which obviously doesn’t matter much if you’re under 40, but is of acute interest – or should be – if you’re over 60.

          What the government should have done is a damn sight more ‘fascist’ (a term usually employed by the far left to conceal their frustration that someone else is in charge) than what’s actually being done. And that is why, in its turn, cases and deaths will continue to oscillate indefinitely.

          A proper fascist would have ignored the bloody thing completely, and imposed no controls whatever, condemning 1% of the population to lose several years of life expectancy. There’s a lot to be said for that, too. Less economic impact – the old and unhealthy contribute less to the economy and are a burden on the NHS. And herd immunity would be quickly achieved.

          Ideally it would not have funded intensive care for Covid patients – or indeed any old flu victims – either.

          That’s what a proper fascist would have done. Possibly with terminal camps for the sick…You’re not a fascist, are you? Are you?

          • Fascist regime, LDC? You’re having a giraffe!

            Incompetent regime, yes. But fascist? Give me a fucking break.

  20. I cannot understand why supermarket staff have not had to wear them (even during the peak of deaths) and most still don’t, and they are seeing potentially hundreds of people a day in an indoor setting.
    How can it be safe to sit in a pub indoors all day and not need one.
    Most people aren’t wearing them properly and I think there is something sinister going on.
    I won’t wear a mask and definitely will not be having a vaccine compulsory or not.
    If it’s my time to go then so be it.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  21. Fuck the masks.
    Uncomfortable, unsociable, uncivilised subservient bullshit.
    Bollocks to the ‘experts’, – think for yourselves and draw your own conclusions.
    I’d rather catch the covid and be gasping for air on a ventilator, (and die if necessary), than be forced to wear such a hideous contraption.

    • ‘I’d rather catch the covid and be gasping for air on a ventilator, (and die if necessary), than be forced to wear such a hideous contraption.’

      No you wouldn’t. Because I’ll tell you, through hard and bitter experience, that if you, or a member of your family was dying, through this virus, you’d be fucking begging, with tears in your eyes, to save yours or your loved-ones life. You couldn’t get those three fucking nines dialled fast enough. Reality is different from the internet, son.

      Jesus H fucking Christ, I thought I’d read some shite, but, you go to the top of the fucking class.

      • I’ve lost family and associates to covid and could not attend the funerals due to the rules.
        Even if people dying have co-morbidities, they may still have lived for many years, enjoying family and a rich life.

  22. Oxygen saturation, bollocks.

    Mask rules, also bollocks.

    They aren’t mutually exclusive.

    But if you’re thick enough to believe wearing one in tesco but not the boozer is a well thought out strategy then fill your boots.

        • Fiddler will be pleased although he may want a bandit style mask when popping up from behind the stonewalling to bag a passing cyclist.

          Evening Creampuff.

          • Evening LL.

            Dick and I had a discussion about it earlier today, he was well chuffed.

            Me, I’m looking forward to a nice family free Christmas.

            God bless Boris Johnson – God bless us every one!

          • Cordite fumes kill the virus. FACToid.

            I am submitting a paper to Researchgate too that effect and I trust we will have no more argument.

          • I don’t much hold for this mask bollocks and the strategy is nonsensical but as RTC points out currently I can go to the boozer on Xmas day while simultaneous avoiding my sister, her arsehole kids and a poorly cooked dinner and frozen food buffet at my parents house.

            I can’t see it lasting though, more’s the pity.

    • The government asks people to wear a face covering in areas where a reasonable distance between people cannot be guaranteed and they are a fascist regime
      Not sure how that follows but perhaps someone will come up with a solution whereby anyone who is infected, symptomatic of not will spontaneously combust.
      Sounds ridiculous, I agree but no more so than saying the government are fascists

        • My point was more about the accusation that, OK, mandatory (in a very loose way) wearing of masks in specific areas means the government are facist.
          The police have the power to arrest you for lots of things and if you want to champion a real injustice, like many on ISAC the fact that if I want to watch ITV or SKY or Channel 4 and I don’t have a TV licence it is a criminal offence. I would gladly trade wearing a mask in Tesco for the Not having a TV licence.

          • Oddly enough, the smell of hopeless farts seems to be well-coontained within Heddlu vans around Caerdydd…

    • Enlighten us all to what your strategy was the last time you met or dealt with someone Covid-Pos, Lana. I’ll submit your strategy to our Clinical Directors, via Researchgate.

  23. I suppose the ease the transition to niqabs.

    COVID-19 is real. So is the there in black-and-white to read 19 March 2020 updated on the site downgrading it from life-threatening status. So is the CDC in the states there in black and white revising the death FROM COVID-19 figure to 6% of the up to then reported total. So is the way above figure of those deaths being overwhelmingly in the advanced age bracket. So is the published figures way above 50% in a number of states being of those turfed out of hospital into nursing homes.

    This is BOLLOCKS. There’s a new virus that is potentially deadly to old or infirm folk, and those with compromised immune systems via pre-existing morbidities. So by all means, those of you in those categories, wear your masks out and I sincerely hope they help you. But the rest of you are just following BOLLOCKS. This is now SIX MONTHS in. Are you really that irrational and cavalier to say that you’re literally going to accept this for the rest of your lives? Because that is the logical conclusion.

    Jesus wept.

  24. This “fart analogy” is fucking stupid.

    A fart is made up of methane, hydrogen and carbon dioxide. A methane molecule is around 1 nanometre (that’s a millionth of a millimetre) and hydrogen atoms are even smaller at around 0.1 nanometre.

    The smallest coronavirus particles are around 0.1 MICROmetres – with some particles as big as 1 micrometre. That’s a THOUSAND times bigger than the gases from a fart.

    So yeah, a fart can get through pretty much anything but coronavirus doesn’t get through a surgical mask very easily.

    It’s like comparing a golf ball to a hot air balloon and saying “Well, I brought this bag of golf balls home through the front door no problem so why can’t I bring that fleet of hot air balloons into my front room too??”


    • You want to let the hot air out first pal, a bloke I know does kids parties and he does it get his bouncy castle in the garage, swears by it. HTH

  25. I saw some idiot on one of the denying Covid sites actually referencing the president of Tanzania when he claimed he sent samples of fruit and goat swabs to a lab and they gave a positive result.
    Yep a very reliable witness, he prayed and it went away with the help of a little lemon juice and ginger (or something similar)

  26. So many frightened older people who, despite knowing that the government is not their friend, are 100 percent on board with this absurd fucking virus bullshit.
    Black Lives Matter
    Extinction Rebellion
    Covid 19
    Etc etc etc.
    All cheeks of the same arse.
    All in the name of Marxist demoralisation of a society.
    Any old cantankerous scared shitless cunts terrified of a manipulated cold bug in any doubt?
    Wake the fuck up and take a fucking look around you as society becomes more divided by the day.

  27. Anyone else see that utter abomination of a cunt known as Lady Gaga wearing her various ludicrous and expensive designer ‘masks’ for her MTV awards ‘appearance’?

    For starters, it was a pre-recorded video message with no audience whatsoever. So why were the ridiculous masks even needed, and why so fucking many of them?

    Attention and getting noticed, that’s why. This cunt would do a shit and then eat it on live television to get publicity. She/he/it is a fucking cunt.

  28. A Dr. Mengele writes…Pass me my mask, the smell of HCN is getting a bit much around here.

    My ex, seriously biologically-trained, PhD in cancer genetics and decades of experience in hospitals in UK and two cuntries abroad says “Masks no good unless SERIOUS, and well-fitting.” I think she added FP22.Can be sterilised in gas oven – one of Onkel Tel’s, not a microwave, as it has metal strips in it.

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