Barry Island in South Wales

It has come to my attention that due to the inexplicable popularity of TV ‘comedy’ Gavin and Stacey, the reputation of Barry Island is going through something of a renewal.

Well, my childhood was blighted by a period spent there, and I had the extreme misfortune to have a near encounter with it again in more recent years and I’m here to tell you what – despite the best efforts of fat twat Corden to portray it as some kind of haven of working-class whimsy – it truly is.

Barry Island is the ulcerated, prolapsed anus of all Creation, and even seeing its name on a road sign could give your soul cancer.

In the event of a zombie apocalypse it will be the only place of safety due to the fact that even a walking heap of rancid decay that smells worse than a maggot’s minge would be too disgusted to set foot in it.

In any just universe it would be scraped off the face of the Earth like the leprous scab it is and dropped into the core of the sun to burn for a billion years.

Barry Island is a cunt. And it’s not even a fucking island.

Nominated by: Chimp Licker

71 thoughts on “Barry Island in South Wales

  1. So you wouldn’t recommend it then?

    I must admit its one of those shitholes that you visit once and never have the desire to go back again because it really is the king of all shitholes – just like Blackpool and Weston-Super-Shite.

    That said, it would seem an appropriate/desperate kind of place for the LibDumbs to hold their annual party conference – a place full of Neanderthal twats, hipsters, Wokes, and assorted tosspots.

  2. Good Morning

    The shot hole that is Barry Island is rapidly being transferred to many Welsh beaches. The litter that’s being left on the beautiful beaches of the Gower has to be seen to be believed. Not something that has happened before and being left by dirty little cunts who last year were rioting on behalf of Extinction Rebellion and who lectured their elders and betters on the environment.

    Largely caused by that cunt Mark Drakeford not ending lockdown in Wales so the great unwashed have made their own decisions.

  3. Apologies for going off topic, but does anyone have any info on the missing petition over at about Priyamvada Gopal?

    • You’re not wrong! my late brother moved there from camberwell, 20yrs ago, when i went to visit him i said ‘what the fuck did you move here for’ he said oh the mother in law wanted us to? i thought you dozy cunt were you after her money or something, (she out lived him anyway) i’ve never been back, a veritable shithole it is indeed.

  4. Southport has to be the worst ‘tourist’ spot I’ve been to in the UK. Full of scousers and pikeys, a beach that smells of shit and the sea is always about 10 miles out from the ‘beach’ itself. A shitty fairgound full of pickpockets and ne’er do wells. Ad shit ‘rides’. Soggy burgers and a few locals who think the place is posh. Fat birds in mini skirts and boob tubes, chain smoking and arguing, using the most colourful of language, with a skinny and tired looking man with a dodgy tache and a shell suit.

    Fucking shithole. Nuke it and have done.

    • To be fair, Cuntybollocks, in comparison to what lies about 20 miles south via the A565, Southport is posh. As for the smell, what do you expect from a town full of scouse retirees? As for worst tourist spot I’m not sure. For me Margate takes the biscuit (or should that be jellied eel?).

    • Fat birds in mini skirts, really? Now that’s something I like. Just shows that even the worst places have redeeming qualities.😜

  5. Went to Barry Island in 1986 I think on a soul weekender. Don’t remember much as wankered whole weekend. Gino Washington and some other bands were headlining.
    Was a shithole then so no change there.

  6. A day trip to Barry was a great treat when I was a kid. We couldn’t afford proper holidays, being poor Welsh trash so Barry was my highlight. Great funfair. Sea was a bit grey but it is the Severn estuary and a good bit healthier than further up at Newport.
    Was there briefly a few years ago – the town not the ‘Island’ and it seemed ok.

    I can only think Chimplicker had an unfortunate experience and perhaps a medical condition off one of the locals to have such a jaded view.

  7. “Barry Island is the ulcerated, prolapsed anus of all Creation, and even seeing its name on a road sign could give your soul cancer”.

    “In the event of a zombie apocalypse it will be the only place of safety due to the fact that even a walking heap of rancid decay that smells worse than a maggot’s minge would be too disgusted to set foot in it”.

    “In any just universe it would be scraped off the face of the Earth like the leprous scab it is and dropped into the core of the sun to burn for a billion years”.


    Seriously cunters, it’s quality invective like this that makes this site so worthwhile.

    Compared to Hastings though sounds quite nice.

    • I hear Hastings is starting to get a few of the hipster verflow from Brighton?

      Not too long before they’re vaping along on toy scooters to a vegan deli for some artis-anal artichoke pizza with Piers and Jacinta.
      ‘Yaaaaah I went to, ummm… Ayyy-jaaah for a year and got high in the foothills around Katmandu… it was like, Ah-maaaazing?’

      You’ve been warned.

  8. Barry island may as well be located on fucking Jupiter for all I care, I have absolutely no intention of Ever visiting the shit hole , it’s situated between tilbury in Essex and Milton Keynes in my 100 absolutely must miss UK locations…….

    • Tilbury is a barren wasteland. Real grim. The fort and the Thames path are about the only interesting offerings.

      • Grays ain’t too clever
        East tilbury is definitely worth a miss THE ONLY redeeming thing about these places is they are easily avoided by staying on the QE bridge and putting your foot down once back on flat tarmac of the M25 …….

        • I Haven’t been to east Tilbury for years, I use to go and visit BATA there. You crossed a railway line and it looked like you werevisiting Eastern Europe when the communists were there.

  9. Some truly venomous prose, I was intrigued enough to trawl YT for more on this nomination and found this:
    And I’m sure you are right in your assessment, however, this place is just a mirror that we don’t care to look in. Whittles little toy put paid to British seaside towns everywhere, their decay should not be pilloried but pondered.

    Fat slags, chavs & mongs I can live with, its the other thing that .. Ah, fuck it just drop the fucking bomb already.

    • I want to go there now.
      Just to see what its really like.
      Bet its not as bad as its been painted?
      Used to be a big treat to go to Rhyl as a kid but last time I drove through looked a bit down in the dumps.
      The fucking goverment dumps asylum seekers and the homeless cunts on seaside/coastal towns,
      Feel sorry for the residents who are decent and hard working.
      Chop the cunts up for bait and go mackerel fishing.

      • Morning MNC. I know, if this fucking cunt of a virus ever goes away the first place I’m off to in my caravan (CUNT ALERT) is south Wales, and I’ve got to check this place out now. Ah yes, the great British government .. if you need to have a dump, best do it on those least able to fight back, nice.

        • Hiya Fish Finger!
          Sorry was out with the missus.
          Nowt wrong with caravans mate,
          Long as you enjoy yerself!
          Anyone says ‘dont go there’ I want to see for myself.
          Bet its fuckin paradise on earth, and they don’t want us to know!
          Fuck that, 2 weeks in Barry Island getting booked.😁

  10. I’m intrigued now, I live in a seaside town with a poor reputation but I like it very much here. Maybe it’s because I come from working class stock and I’m poor white trash at heart.

  11. I think it will be the same at a lot of the old popular seaside towns. As it’s been cheaper to go to Benidorm than Blackpool, a lot of the former guest houses had to find other residents, and there is a steady stream of benefits scum that need somewhere dry to jack up and store their stolen booty. As if we didn’t have enough indigenous filth to populate these poor towns (way too many in my opinion) we now have a seemingly endless supply of imported cunts to house, and as the guest houses have such cunts living in them, the neighbours sell up and fuck off, meaning more opportunities for buy to let cunts who fill them with vermin too, making the whole area as attractive as a herpes sore on your bellend.
    Yesterday’s nom of Bournemouth beach brought back memories. I spent a couple of years living part time with a girlfriend there back in the early 90s. I was passing through a couple of years ago, and I stopped and had a walk about and I couldn’t get over how much it had changed. Not the place, but the people. The only white folk I saw were iron curtaineers, so I can only imagine that most people had commuted to the beach this week.

    • It’s sad to see what has happened to the magical places I visited as a small boy, such as Morecambe, Blackpool and Rhyl. Benefits scroungers, immigrants and drug addicts. Uncollected rubbish, neglect and depression. Makes you want to climb into your coffin and pull the lid down.

  12. At least Barry, Rhyl, Blackpool, Southport, you can go sea fishing-imagine living in a Welsh shit-hole like Sebastopol-drove through it once-fucking hell….

  13. A great nom with some glorious invective.

    The Maggots Minge sounds like a good name for a post-covid pub, especially around this area, just to break up the twee and unimaginative names.

    Catering provided by a burger van in the car park.
    Discounts for misanthropes and old bastards.

    No hipsters allowed.

  14. Barry island better known as the Welsh riviera or costa del Barry island, and the fun fair is a contradiction in terms like happily married or police intelligence, the place is a dump, dirty, rubbish everywhere, crack dealer complete with pitbull hanging around the toilets, you have to do the Barry island two step to avoid the broken glass,dog shit and pavement pizzas.
    The sea water is a fetching shade brown, even the local sea gulls carry flick knives for fear of getting mugged and even they know better than eating any food from any of the cockles and mussle sellers, its created Barry belly which i think when the shit attack happens the best you can do is walk into the sea and i suspect that explains the colour.
    Then you get your car dented, broken into or ticketed, oh my god i nearly forgot about the arcades that play the same shit music full volume on repeat it makes you concider topping yourself
    So fellow cunters you have been warned, avoid Costa Barry at all costs …im sure there are other worse places in the UK butbi cant think of any right now….

  15. Get yourselves to Seaton Carew or even Redcar – nevermind all these poncy posh places you’re all going about!

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