The Blue Badge

Well, I am finally fucked: I cannot walk as far as I did, in fact, I am pretty much fucked and am about to admit defeat (de foot is de problem)

So I trotted off to the UK Gov “How to get a Blue Badge” page to check the rules on how I can apply for myself for a Blue Badge. I am not applying for anyone else, just me. So apart from the obvious, these qualifying rules struck me as a little odd:

* You have a severe disability in both arms and drive regularly, but cannot operate pay-and-display parking machines
(They also have another permit for not paying for their round down the pub)

* You are constantly a significant risk to yourself, or others near vehicles, in traffic, or car parks
(surely you would not be applying for a blue badge if you have these issues with vehicles?)

* You find it difficult, or impossible to control your actions and lack awareness of the impact you could have on others
(ok, they give driving licences to these people, so why not a Blue Badge?)

* You regularly have intense and overwhelming responses to situations, causing temporary loss of behavioural control
(The weekly shop in ASDA can cause this)

Am I insane, but should people with these issues be driving a car, or allowed to apply? Surely they have carers, or appointed adults to do this for them?

Nominated by lord benny

69 thoughts on “The Blue Badge

  1. I really don’t know much about who qualifies for a badge, but I did read somewhere recently that people with “hidden” mental or physical incapacity could be entitled to a card.

    In essence, therefore, if you see someone parking in a disabled bay at a supermarket, and they get get out like any other “normal abled” person, you shouldn’t immediately think they’re taking the piss because they have some “hidden” incapacity that affects their ability to walk an extra few yards!

    And given how many people are suddenly having “mental ishoos” it won’t be long before there will more “disabled” bays than ordinary ones!

    Oh, and on top of that we live in a land of entitlement – therefore “I MUST have one cuz I’m entitled, innit!”

    • I was thinking about this exact thing the other day, a car of three middle aged fuckers parked in a disabled space, displayed a blue badge but then quite proficiently strolled in to the shops. I said to the missus, “I’m not entirely sure they needed to use that space”, to which some fucking nosey cunt bleated, “you don’t know what their disability is, just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean they don’t have one”.

      Well I’m fucking sorry you nosey cow, but usually if someone has difficulty walking and thus needs these spaces, it’s usually pretty fucking visible.

      They seem to dish out these blue badges to people who really don’t need them, which is then shite for the people who genuinely do.

  2. I used to ferry this disabled bloke around in a mobility vehicle. I got a ticket one day because I put the Blue Badge upside down in the window. If only I could have caught the Cunt …
    The disabled bloke looked like a Spastic version of Manfred Mann.

    • “I do not write ze rules! I merely enforce them, with out initiative, humanity, or compassion!” Said the ticket inspektor

  3. I assume the rather severe rules are written to put disabled persons off applying.
    Unless you are a professional claimant I dare say.
    Shite.

  4. Round my way 95% of the Blue Badge holders I see are fucking foreigners of one sort or another. Cunts shouldn’t even be in this country let alone driving around in cars and parking where the fuck they like.
    And there isn’t a single one of them who looks like a raspberry to me. Do they have this system in other countries? I have no idea but I doubt if there is a country that is as soft as us and allows foreign cunts to waltz in and blatantly take the piss. And then people wonder why cunts are paddling across the channel in rubber boats in the middle of fucking winter.

  5. I agree but I found out last year that they give driving licences to just about fucking anyone.

    My sister in law is blind in one eye and her vision in the other is impaired.

    Hasn’t stopped them giving her a driving licence though.

    How the fuck can that be safe?

    • COTL ‘how can that be safe?’
      White walking sticks fitted to the windscreen wipers obviously.

    • Does she had a Labrador with a red flag walk in front of the car?

    • I can’t get one. The last time I applied, about 18 months ago, a GP at my surgery that I’ve never even heard of told the DVLA I’m dependent on alcohol. For somebody that doesn’t even drink too often that’s incredible, but they won’t listen to me.

      • What the fuck? Are secretly drinking to the point even you are not aware of it?

        • I average a bottle of wine a fortnight and sometimes have nothing for 3 months or more, hardly a dependency. But I have no way of proving it. They say that’s what blood tests seem to show. I point out that I take 11 tablets a day so it’s hardly surprising tests show something or other, but it’s not fucking alcohol.

          • Ah moggie63 certain conditions affecting the liver can cause the same effect as massive alcohol intake. One condition, fatty liver syndrome which for some reason I suffer from causes the same elevated enzyme reading as would drinking massive amounts of booze everyday. Every time I have a blood test which includes liver function some locum doctor rings me up and asks if I need help with controlling my drinking. I do not drink very often, more of a binge merchant in fact, couple of times a month. Not enough to cause my liver function results to go olympic.
            They assume I am a pisshead in denial which fits into the manic depressive self medicating pigeon hole so I just let them get on with it.

      • Moggie,
        Register a official complaint against the GP in question, state hes impeded you getting the blue badge you rightly deserve and effected your quality of life.
        State your of the opinion hes prejudist against you.
        Wait for your blue badge to come in post when theyve finished panicking.

        • It’s the driving licence I can’t get. I’ve already complained about the GP in question and didn’t even get a reply. I wish I could find out who the cunt is and set his BMW or Merc on fire.

          • I would get an appointment at Citizens Advice. They may be able to help.

      • Moggie, if it means you have to walk further to the Off Licence, then you obviously need a badge.

      • Moggie – obtaining a blue badge and a driving licence are two separate issues. You are entitled to a blue badge subject to qualification whether you are a driver or none driver. Concentrate on getting your blue badge which you can then use when someone else is giving you lifts. You can then turn to applying for a driving licence. I think it’s three vehicles that you can use your badge with. So that GP is bang out of order assuming you only want to use it when you are driving.

        • To be honest, my original post was only about a driving licence (not the blue badge, which I don’t need), replying to Cunt of the litter saying that anybody can get one. The posts in between his and mine seem to have confused the issue.

    • I’m not sure how any fucking woman driving is deemed safe even with 20/20 vision.

  6. Agree with the reference to ASDA. I like shopping there but the clientele are generally low lifes. Not that Waitrose is any better – they’re full of middle class cunts.

    What’s curious about blue badge parking these days is that the Parent and Child parking bays are closer to the entrances than disabled bays. It’s a sad reflection of our society really.

    • The “Parent and Child” bay always piss me off because quite often I’ve seen a family get out, with the youngest “child” looking about 17 years old. But because she is deemed as still being a child its perfectly okay!

      Next you’ll be seeing bays even closer to the front doors, for “Fat Cunts Only”

      • Sgt Major C, and Techno, I agree. I work in a supermarket. Before I go in I notice drivers parking in the parent and child spaces but without children in the car.

        Also, the disabled parking spaces not the parent ones should be closer to the shop.

        It forks me right off.

  7. I’ve long said that we should go back to the days when only drivers of Red Reliant Robins could qualify for disabled badges….that would sort the wheat from the chaff.

    Plus it would give a significant boost to the Reliant Robin Motor Company…massive sales in the offing if even half of the current badge claimants are forced to use one.

    Dare say Greta Thundercunt would approve too…less pollution and a 25 per cent cut in rubber tyre production.

    No more Taxis-of-Peace which also invariably seem to qualify for a badge…hard to molest any kids in an unstable spacca-chariot.

    The benefits are endless when you start to think about it.

    • Morning Dick. Mostly agree with you but Reliant Robins wear out the middle part of the road that the rest of us never touch…

      • I always thought they would tip over when taking a corner.

        Did the Police really had Robin Reliants back in the day? ..or is that a false memory…,?

        The always seemed to be red

        ‘3 D wheelbarrow’

        • Our first family car Robin Reliant Miles!
          Ours was beige.
          Picture of a 7yr old miserable sat on its bonnet on southport beach, had a fibreglass body didnt they?.
          I like them, make me nostalgic.

          • Yes the fibreglass body Miserable. You could see the white fibre mesh in the wheel arch? Kinda always had the feeking of shaky construction but maybe not. A neighbour had one. They didn’t go very fast.

    • Couldn’t agree with you more, Dick. Seriously, it’s the logical solution. Unfortunately Reliant Motors are no longer in business, although their spares arm, Reliant Partsworld, remains. And no, they don’t tip on corners. Get a tall SUV to experience that delight. Best of all is a motorcycle combination, which will lift the sidecar over your head if you give it too much welly on a lefthander. Quite surprised the dog in the chair when I did that…

      • Only ever ridden a bike with sidecar once.
        It was a customer’s Cossack/Ural BMW copy and it’s owner had painted and customised it to look like a WW2 German outfit.
        Not only was it rather terrifying but I felt like a total twat riding the thing…

        • I had a Dnepr ( same as Ural but made in Ukraine). Sidecar apparently made out of armour plate, spokes made of low-tensile godknowswhat, carbs unsynchroniseable and quick-rot exhaust, Absolutely identical to a 1939 BMW externally except for the shit welding – I actually found one to compare it with. On the plus side it was easy to service and would carry half a ton in the chair…if you didn’t want to do more than 60. The more recent ones apparently don’t have oval pistons, and do have working electrics. Loved it to bits at the time, but then if it’s your heap of crap you are sorta obliged to be loyal to it.

      • They bloody do. My cousin’s grandad, and his passenger wife, ended up in a field upside down after rolling the thing on a tight left-hander back in the early 70’s. Car was fine though.

  8. I use the parent and child bay regardless.

    Having kids is a choice, being a spacker, in most cases, isn’t.

    Often see cunts who clearly are the disabled persons relative using the badge when they are not with them .

    The stock line you get when you pull then up on it is ” not every disability is visible you know”

    Yeah I know but I didn’t realise that being a CUNT was officially recognised as a disability just yet.

  9. My dad has bone marrow cancer(in remission) an qualifies for a blue badge, so to a casual observer looks able bodied.
    The bays in supermarkets arent exactly huge, had a run in the other week with some african parking attendant at Sainsbury’s,
    My workvan takes up 2 bays, he was complaining, dont know what he expected me to do? Daft cunt.

  10. I think you’ve strayed onto the part of the .gov site where you register to become a Parliamentary candidate Lord Benny.

  11. My sister fought hard for her blue badge. There was some opposition from friends and family. I actually detected jealousy in this. She has it in a prominent position in her home. Years ago it would be an embarrassment. Now it is a badge of honour.

  12. Anyone else seen the video of Tommy Robinson having a deep discussion with the Bedfordshire plod.
    Apparently Tommy’s 8 year old daughter was sexually assaulted. I am under the impression this happened at the Center Parcs at Woburn Forest on Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately for Tommy he ends up getting arrested for slapping the man in the face.
    Whether it is true or not Tommy will never win as the establishment don’t like him and Tommy does seem to court controversy, maybe not always his own fault.
    On the other hand, if it is true, then this incident may go away, and a paedo may get off.
    Let us see, if anything what the media makes of this.

    • I always try and defend the police because they do a difficult job but they make it fucking hard sometimes the way they behave.

  13. I’ve taken to solely home deliveries now. The bays in supermarkets seem to be getting smaller by the year just so the bastards can cram as many paying cunts in as possible, and why the fuck don’t they make the spaces angled? It’s so much easier to get in and out of them! There’ll be some here that drive around looking for a free space either side too which are rare in town. What with fuel and parking costs and the sheer cuntery if it all, it’s cheaper and less hassle to pay the three quid for a delivery anyway. The last time I went in a saw two bastards pull in a blue bay in a brand new Porche Cayenne, get out and they we’re bloody great body builders straight from the gym it seemed. Obviously I called them both cunts, under my breath of course…

    • We got a new Saintsbury’s near us a couple of years ago and I was stunned to see a car park that had been well thought out. Although the bays themselves are about normal size there is a clearly defined dead space between each bay, about 2 feet wide. It makes all the difference although you’ll always get some cunt driving a huge 4×4 who couldn’t park it properly in a space the size of a football pitch.

    • Get a delivery pass Insignificunt, £20 for 3 months or £35 for 6 at Sainsbury’s.

    • We’ve got an M&S near us with angled parking but it makes it more dangerous than ever. The number of cunts who drive down the aisles in the wrong direction is unbelievable and then try to either park back on themselves or reverse so when they come out, they’re going against the traffic.
      Then, when you come to leave you have to look in all directions in case some cunt is driving in the wrong direction. I’m sorry to say, no I’m fuckin’ not, that women are the worst offenders.

    • “The bays in supermarkets seem to be getting smaller by the year”
      Damn right they are – The number of times I’ve had to limbo-dance my way into and out of my gull-wing-doored DeLorean in any car park, takes the fucking piss…

  14. My mother in law has a blue badge. It seems it entitles you to:

    Drive everywhere at 15 mph
    Indicate half a mile before you turn
    Take up 2 and even 3 lanes on roundabouts
    Talk incessantly while driving
    Converse with a back seat passenger, looking in the rear view mirror without ever looking in the direction of travel
    Panic and do an emergency stop if phone rings or text comes in
    Park absofuckinglutely anywhere.

    I want one.

    • What pisses me off are those drivers who indicate AFTER the turn and have the cheek to be angry with me.

      Driver: I’ll just wait until this guy (me) is in the middle of the road, then turn wildly without any warning.

      Rant over.

  15. No reliant robins for they fuckers i say. Way back in the day my mate had a bubble car. Think it was a Messerscmitt. Simply pop your spasmo in there and let the world stare at the strangeness.

    • If it looked like a Me-110 cockpit on wheels it was a Messerschmitt. If it looked falling-about ridiculous it was an Isetta (made by BMW). The latter would be preferable, IMO.

      • They’d made a prototype 3 wheeler with the 163-shaped canopy and the Walter rocket, good for 600 mph but only 4 minutes

        • Good call. Though my local garage doesn’t sell hydrazine hydrate, and it did tend to go bang unexpectedly.

    • I read that somebody (think it was one of the Grand Tour mob) drove up to the back wall in his garage then couldn’t get out of it because the front of the car is the door and opens forwards, and there’s no reverse gear.

  16. Evil cunters should always check that the registration displayed on the blue badge matches the one on the car. Sometimes they don’t and it is up to you how you dispose of the pisstaker.

  17. A couple of years ago, on the very rare occasions that I actually go into town, I saw an extremely large Mercedes estate car pull into a Disabled parking bay. This Merc was so long that it took up one and a half bays. Out jumps two sandal wearing soap dodgers in their pyjama’s or what ever they call the attire they wear in the mountains of Parking Stan. When I say “jumped out” I mean just that, then the pair of them sprinted off to whatever appointment they were late for at the DHSS.
    Not many things really piss me off but this did.

  18. Can I suggest Benny a trip to the local the mosque, they have experts on hand in claiming benefits. They’re probably more knowledgeable than citizens advice even. All part of jihad innit.

  19. Blue badge, to me, is synonymous with blue bus. Is that wrong or unfair? Cruel, even? A blue badge just evokes images of troublemaking, chronically idle families and recidivists moving from house to house or scatter flat to scatter flat every six months. A life of smoking embassy fags, guzzling cheap vodka daily, loud-mouthed viragos, lying, irresponsible fathers, illegitimate kids, illegitimate kids who have illegitimate kids, social work interventions for delinquents. . . get fucked!

    Also, most built-up areas in Blighty are replete with benefit cheats who drive around in the peg-leg, blue badge spaz mobiles, when they are not supposed to.

    Moral of the story: Corruption begets corruption and as you sow so you shall reap. Cunts!

      • They’re the equivalent of Glasgow’s version of Sunshine Variety coaches (i.e. for special needs kids). When I grew up as a youngster, blue was the colour of the bus that transported window lickers around and everyone used to laugh at them when they drove by. Awfully cruel in hindsight, but that’s just the way it was back then in the 80s (probably still is in most working class areas in the U.K. but not as severe). Succinctly, Blue bus & blue badge = transportation for society’s unfortunate and handicapped (remember Ricky Gervais sang the song with the lyrics ‘please don’t make fun of the disableds, there’s nothing funny about those, wether they’re mental in the head, or mental in the legs . . . ?). Cruel, but funny.

          • 😀😀

            Bit ambiguous that reply, Moggie. Don’t know wether you’re trying to subtley have a go at me or are genuinely saying that you could see why I would make that connection. I hope it’s the latter, of course, but I can take a joke. So, either way, it’s all good, baby. It’s all good. Funboy does exactly what it says on the tin.
            You be good, he be good.

          • Genuine reply. I wouldn’t necessarily have made the connection, sometimes I simply fail to see the obvious. You wouldn’t believe how many Remainers it took to make me understand what a cunt I am for being a Brexiteer, and yet I still voted to leave.
            That is not our problem, we ask you to be nice to each other (it is in the rules),be friends, it was an honest mistake and carry on cunting
            xxx admin ( the gay one)

          • No worries, moggie. I had a gut feeling you were being genuine, but wasn’t 100 % certain as some other posters have been posting sarcastic replies to my comments since I began contributing to this site a few weeks ago (they were probably being sarcastic because I was the ‘new guy’ at the time). I don’t have a problem with sarcasm or piss-taking online, but sometimes, especially if every other board member/forum member does it frequently, you begin to wonder if they don’t want you around or may be paranoid that you may be a troll (or a former member who was a troll). While I’ve only been posting here for about 5 weeks or so, already in that time it has become abundantly clear that newcomers are welcomed apprehensively and some other posters are quite paranoid.

            Still, it’s all cool and groovy at my end.

            Dont feel bad about it they like to police themselves, They think we are incompetent.

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