Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s selling a £57 candle that supposedly smells like her vagina.

According to the ingredients, Gwyneth’s vulva candle smells like “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed”.

I wonder if anyone has put that to the test vs the real thing.

It’s already sold out on her ‘Goop’ website, but if you want your house smelling like rancid fish, supplies of said item will soon be available again.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

A scented candle cunting for “doing my bit for the environment” glitterati whore – Gwyneth Paltrow – is richly deserved.

I thought it was April 1st but no, Ms Paltrow has released a scented candle called “Smells like my vagina!” from her cosmetics/household range. She does not state if the smell essence is taken before or after bathing for the day but I would imagine:

“Scent of Brad Pitt’s Gentleman’s Relish Remnants!” or “Eau Du Effeminate Chris Martin’s Leg Dribbles!” would be more appropriate.

So modern society now monetises internet skank, dirty bathwater and now le parfum of Iron Man’s squeeze’s snatch!?!

Oh, and apparently she’s sold out too. Go get ’em beta soy neck-beard cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

100 thoughts on “Gwyneth Paltrow

  1. Yes Gwyneth, because your vagina is the only vagina on the planet to smell of ‘geranium, bergamot and damask’ etc. as opposed to the rest of us, whose snatches smell of a hint of yeast, Birds Eye Fish Fingers and rotting skunk (especially when on your monthly)….

    Don’t ask me how I know that. Naturally, mine smells like Chanel No.5, just like this batshit crazy cunt.

    I don’t know what I despise more about this woman. The fact that she is trying to make even more money than she already has by flogging this trash, or that she is clearly laughing at the fact that she can even sell an extortionately priced, vagina-smelling candle and the stupid, gullible peasants will buy it

    She is a greedy, amoral, narcissistic cunt.
    And she is a shite actress.
    The End.

  2. Wonder if the Paltrow Snatch Candle smells of Turkey? Because that’s what she fucking looks like… I bet she also impersonates one well too… Gobble Gobble Fucking Gobble…

  3. I wonder what the Royal Sparkle version will cost when it comes onto the market? Probably make Gwynny’s look like a real bargain.

  4. This cunt is literally minge obsessed.

    She used to advocate the benefits of steaming your minge on her website.

    Utterly batshit crazy

    • Not being in possession of one unless she’s constantly queefing how does she know what her gash smells like?

  5. Gwyneth is not vain, she just thinks her cunt smells like a bed of flowers in springtime.

  6. A cunt selling a candle that smells of cunt. WOW don’t put a match to that vegan lentil munching fanny fart you’ll blow your house up.

  7. What happens when the next “peaceful” atrocity is committed and these are the only candles left?

    There’ll definitely be something fishy about that vigil!

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