Mouth and Foot Painting Christmas Cards

I would like nominate the annual intrusion of Foot and Mouth artist Christmas Cards as a barefaced, cheeky cunt.

I never ask for these fucking dowdy looking things, nor would I purchase them from a shop, even if they were priced £1 for 30 as they look complete shite as Christmas cards (sorry all you foot and mouth artists out there). Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish to demean the skill of painting without using ones hands and such art has its place, preferably at the local community centre or art gallery, where they can be offered for sale to interested viewers, but what pisses me off every year when I open that
familiar thick, overstuffed, white envelope is the enclosed letter that tells me that I can keep them thank you very fucking much or send them £8.95 with no obligation to pay any money. And before anyone thinks I’m an uncharitable cunt, this ain’t no charity folks, it’s a COMMERCIAL VENTURE that an online investigation eventually revealed to my disgust.

No real surprise there then, eh? Cool. So I get an unsolicited ‘gift’ through my door that I’m put under emotional pressure to pay for, that I didn’t ask for in the first place. Pure heartstring-pulling cuntitude and if I could be bothered to ring the fuckheads to tell them that their business model stinks like a Turkish wrestlers jockstrap, I would most likely be met with a prescripted, sanctimonious reply of some kind and then would really lose my rag, which is something I try to avoid these days at my age. Nope, I will do what I normally do with these cardboard rags and chuck them in the crapster. They make the ideal seasonal accompaniment to my empty chocolate boxes and beer cans.

Emotional guilt trip-mongering CUNTS.

Nominated by Family Farter


64 thoughts on “Mouth and Foot Painting Christmas Cards

  1. Had these for the first time this year FF. You didn’t pass my address on to them did you? 😀
    I agree with everything you say and like you, they were instantly binned. Like you say, what a fuckin’ awful business model.

    • Mouth and Foot Painting Christmas Cards.

      Why the fuck are they painting their mouths and feet?

  2. Never heard of it.

    I don’t think they’ve got a leg to stand on.

    I’ll just pay it lip-service.

  3. Ha! Ha! Good nom FF.
    I had a pack of these cards sent to me some years ago.
    I sent the cards out to various recipients. Didn’t give a fuck for the charity. Saved me a few bob.
    I am a heartless cunt!

    • Likewise.
      Used to receive them in Switzerland.
      Whether they come from a charidee or not, if people are stupid enough to send them out unsolicited, they deserve everything they (don’t) get.
      Are there no workhouses and treadmills ?
      Bah humbug.
      Sod them.

  4. Send them back marked ‘undeliverable’ with no stamp and all your election leaflets.
    As to which, shoving flyers through your door should be an offence under littering legislation.

  5. When I saw this nom, I thought it related to some kind of bovine disease, and that the likes of Flabbott and Phillips might end up with Mad Cow disease (if they haven’t already!)

    • When ‘government’ ”taxes,” what this means is that ‘government’ demands money from each individual, under threat of force: if you do not pay, thugs hired by ‘government’ will possibly assault you in order to kidnap you and then throw you away in a cell. This is about as clear a case as any of taking people’s property without their consent. So ‘government’ is a thief. This conclusion is not changed by the fact that ‘government’ may use some of the money for what you might think is a good cause.

  6. Can’t be long until Katie Price,due to her financial difficulties,is using the same trick…an appeal for you to buy a pack of “Harvey’s Cards” cards with crude daubings done in a mysterious brown substance and a message saying ” Fuck Off You Cunts” printed inside….although,thinking about it,I probably would buy and send out cards like that.

    They are available, and Moonpig will print and send ANYTHING! even “Sorry I fucked your wife” cards

      • Foot and mouth devastated farming communities few years back and these raspberry arty types are posting it out?
        One rule for them inconsiderate bastards another for us!
        Look you fuckin beanbags i can afford tasteful christmas cards,
        Get your carer to shove these up yer arse!!!

  7. Mr’s B mk II banned me from ever sending Christmas cards to anyone “We knew” .
    She said that mine were in poor taste, but they were commercially produced expensive ones I may have altered the writing inside slightly to personalise it to the recipient.
    IE the one to the Undertaker said “Wishing you a merry Christmas and a prosperous flu season” He didn’t mind in the slightest, but his wife mentioned it to mine and Mrs Merry Christmas became Mrs sour cow .

  8. Not sure about this nom.

    Yes, it is a commercial venture, but this is all disclosed fully in the guff they send with the cards and stuff. It has been going for donkey’s years and the company is run by the artists themselves.

    Personally, I wouldn’t pay for this stuff as I did not request it, so do not see why I should pay for something I didn’t request in the first place, and I am sure that they are well aware of the risk they take in sending out these items, but the main reason is that Christmas is a financial stretch for me as it is…..if I was a bloody millionaire I wouldn’t give a shite and would pay for it with a donation on top, but sadly that ain’t the case and needs must!

    My dear, kind-hearted Dad DID however ask me to pay for the items online for him, as he intends to use the cards to send this year, plus he loved the desk calendar they sent us. I did think the price was a bit fucking steep though – £17 for the calendar, a small wallet calendar and some cards!!!!

    It may well be a bit of a charity con, but frankly i would rather THEY got some money than some fucking overseas bullshite, like Outer Mongolian lepers who make handbags out of cow shit, or some other bollocks.

    • Evening Nurse Cunty. Unfortunately it will be overseas shite as they operate in 76 countries. The company is very secretive about its accounts and the artists reputedly only receive 3% of the proceeds.
      Jeremy Corbyn has assured me he will look into the matter fully when he takes power.

      • Morning Bertie….sorry for the late reply!

        76 countries??? Bloody hell! Think you have just changed my mind.

        Those Mongolian lepers might be on to a winner now…….

  9. Don’t know anything about them so I’m going to revert to my default setting and call them tucking cunts.

  10. If they can afford to mail this stuff to me, they don’t need my fucking money.

    Excellent nomination FF

  11. I only buy Christmas cards made from imprints of Japanese women’s gooches.

    Merry fucking Christmas.

  12. Xmas cards are a fucking con anyway. They were originally intended to send seasons greetings and all that shit to relatives and friends who lived a long way away and you rarely saw, certainly not at Xmas. Nowadays you are under a social obligation to send them to every fucker you know, even cunts you work with and your next door neighbour! If you miss somebody out it is a personal insult and you are marked down as a miserable cunt. Fucking bollocks, fuck off. I read about some school that has banned them because they help to pollute the planet. Well the libtards aren’t wrong about everything all of the time and this is one I agree with. How many trees are cut down to provide fucking Xmas cards that end up in the bin before January? Fuck ‘em, stick ‘em up your bumhole.

    • Listen up Frog, i want a christmas card.
      With glitter.
      An a snow scene.
      Dig deep.
      Maybe stretch to a selection box.
      A cadburys one not fuckin lidls own!

      • Well you can want cos you ain’t getting fuck all. Buy your own fucking chocolates you cunt.

        • Charming.
          Bought you socks .

          Say bought, procured from a washing line, but still counts.

          • I read about the increase in clothes line theft in your area Miserable. Apparently bras and knickers have been the main target. They’ve
            Put it down to a 6’7” bearded male who they describe as a trophy hunter.

          • Im a underwear socialist, whats theirs is mine, theyre welcome to steal my chewing gum off white boxers and big woolly socks!
            Lost my sense of smell when i used to smoke, so chew em nowadays!😀

          • I remember walking to college when I was 16, had to walk past this gorgeous blonde’s house who always seemed to be putting her washing out – always gave a knowing little smile at me when she was pegging up her tiny little black kex, never did summon the courage to see if she’d let me rip a pair off with me teeth

          • Miserable, I will donate £50 to a charity of your choice if you can procure Fanny Fiddlers bloomers without Dick shooting you with the 12 bore.

          • Forget it LL, the old bastards trigger happy.
            Hes like them nuts in America who face off against the feds, armed to the teeth.
            Only way would be when hes sat eating pidgeons and mumbling to hisself.

  13. You can bet there’s some cunt at the top of all this driving a sports car and living the lap of luxury.

    So may “charities” these days seem to be all about keeping a select few in riches while the “cause” gets a pittance percent….take Oxfam, BHF etc etc blah blah blah

    No matter if it’s a charity, a company or even a government there will ALWAYS be some cunt trying to enrich themselves, it a human condition.

  14. Charities go into overdrive at this time of year.
    A woman knocked at our door the other night.
    She said she was collecting for the local swimming baths.
    So I gave her a bucket of water ….
    Settle down now.

    • You feeling ‘christmassy’ Jack?
      Some right sour little Ebenezers on here!
      No sense of childish wonder!
      An according to the met office its looking like snow!😀
      Feel sorry for jesus, nowt worse than your birthday falling on Christmas,
      But he was jewish so doesnt do christmas, they have something else,
      Pride! Or something..

      • Hey Lads I’ve found us a ‘out’ if chairman Jeremy gets in on the 12th!
        Can get a passport an residency just off Ecuador, in the a new Hindu settlement!
        A ‘god man’ hindu mystic on the run from India for rape & kidnap is setting up a ‘cosmic country’
        He apparently has magic powers including
        Made 82 blind kids see by opening their 3rd eye!
        Can delay the sunset by 4hrs!
        And make cows talk!
        Sounds great.

        All going to end messy isnt it?

        • But could he make my flagging cock work again? Tried viagra , even scaffolding!! The cunt won’t stay up 😂

          • Im sure he could!
            He makes cows talk!
            Sure he can make your cock like steel!
            Probably add few inch on for good measure too!
            It sounds wonderful!
            Im putting the house on the market,
            Be a nice surprise for the missus!
            Think Ecuador’s just like England only bit warmer.

      • Good evening MNC. I must admit to having mixed feelings about Christmas. Firstly, I’m not religious, so that aspect of it doesn’t ring my bell. As a kid, I absolutely loved it, and when my kids were young I loved it then, unfortunately as the decades have passed and the commercialism has become super ruthless, it has become somewhat tarnished for me.
        I now find it is a time of very mixed emotions, the older you get, the more people you’ve lost to the Grim Reaper, the mind wanders back over the years. I suppose the end of the year is a natural time for reflection, but if you’re not careful you can dwell too much on what and who is gone.
        On a more cheerful note, I do enjoy the day itself, the opportunity to cook a meal for half a dozen or so, have a chat and a couple of drinks, and take the opportunity to relax and go for a stroll around the woods and fields.
        I also like proper Christmas films, the ones in black and white, and ones in colour that are guilty pleasures, and shall therefore remain nameless.
        So the 25th and 26th are fine, but the hoo – ha that starts weeks before is a pile of Cunt.
        I scoffed a Christmas pudding with custard the other night, very nice it was too !

        • Jesus Jack!
          Almost a exact mirror of my Christmas!
          Loved it as a kid, loved watching my kids open presents excitedly on Christmas morning.
          Love the meal, my favourite of the year!
          And the walk in hills &woods with my dog along.
          Yes, people who have gone and are missed, but a time to raise a toast to their memory.
          As for films ‘scrooge’ one wi Aleister sim in ..👍👍👍

          • I shall be watching that Scrooge this year – Mervyn Johns, Hattie Jacques. Bliss.

            It’s the smell of a real Christmas tree that makes it special. My ex and I always used to argue, although I took full responsibility for the tree, including clearing up the needles. Told her she could have a puny pot plant for the rest of the year…

          • Agreed HBH each year I have to beat the missus into submission when she suggests a fake tree!
            Real all the way!
            I enjoy going buying it an bringing it home.

        • I love the old Dickens films like Oliver and Scrooge but the new David Copperfield film has left me boiling and vomiting…it’s bad enough Betsy Trotwood is played by that fuck ugly reptile Tilda ginger cunt with her lizard eyes and sick inducing white eyelashes…BUT since when was Copperfield a fucking Pakistani?…just more woke shite to hate

      • How dumb were Joseph and Mary – they must have known everywhere would be booked up solid at Christmas!

  15. That great fat cunt Blackturd is on QT yet again. Sugartits Bruce just allows the fucking weeble to drone on, unfettered.


  16. My favourite Scrooge film is the sing songy one with the late great Sir Alec Guinness. 1970, I think.
    #I like life, life likes me#

  17. In St. Chads churchyard in Shrewsbury, there is an old headstone with the word ‘ Scrooge ‘ carved into it.
    It was used in the version where George C Scott played the lead role, and was filmed mainly in Shrewsbury, back in the 80’s.

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