Recruitment Consultants (2)

I’d like to nominate Recruitment Consultants for a good cunting.

As if finding a job isn’t hard enough, these snivelling cunts make the process harder than one of Geoffrey Boycott’s punches.

The only skills required of a recruiter is degenerate, shameless lying. Their most common trick is bigging up diabolically shite low paid jobs to make them sound worth your while. They’re flogging careers like they’re QVC tat; reassuring you all the while with the disgusting warmth of a recently used wank flannel.

They’ve got commission on the brain, targets to hit, and they achieve both by preying on people in need of a job just to pay their way. They make the chinless cunts at the dole office look like Dr Barnardo in comparison. Buying and selling people in a slave market…didn’t that shit get banned years ago?

Grubby, devious, fucking termites one and all.

Nominated by Herman Cuntster

32 thoughts on “Recruitment Consultants (2)

  1. I cannot agree more Herman. You summed up this relatively new phenomenon spot on. I fucking hate the idea of selling myself to one of these hopeless cunts on the off chance they have a suitable position, which they won’t. The bastards are making money from selling YOU. Utter cunts, up there with Estate Agents.

    • There’s 3 rules when it comes to dealing with RCs :-

      1. Any job is the right job for you.
      2. Any candidate is the right person to fill a vacancy.
      3. If they tell you the Job pays £10/hour, they’re actually getting anywhere from £12.50 – £14/hr from the employer.

      Grinning, lying cunts….. Thieving pimps dressed in suits….. Wankers

      • I remember, in the 90’s, getting a temp job paying £7ph. I found out after a few weeks that the agency were charging £15ph! Dirty thieving bastards. All this for the large amount of work they did, which was putting an advert in the window.

  2. Sadly companies that don’t bother to pay for their own HR dept use these c u n t s. I’ve worked for them a few times and all they do is steal a cut of your pay (also you’ll get no employee rights as a ‘casual’). Thankfully, there is a law that the employer must offer you a full time contract after 6 months, because if there wasn’t (like in some countries) these bastards would be stealing 20% of your wage forever.

    I’m not one for big government, but these fuckers should be outlawed and the job centre should be more efficient in helping people find proper work, not the crap usually offered up by these robbing c u n t s.

    • Sadly, the Job Centre ( or the DWP – Dept of Wanky Pratts ) couldn’t find it’s own arse with both hands, even if given an anatomical map.

      Sadly, I speak from experience.

      Being in construction, I have had to work via several RCs previously. I felt like I’d been mugged, every time I looked at a payslip 🙁

    • I’ve worked in several call centres over the years where the only permanent staff were senior management. All supervisors and junior management were temps, not to mention cunts, that thought they were something special even though on occasion I discovered they were only earning 10p per hour more than I was, yet they had no real power but all of the responsibility. They got something wrong, were gone the next day and one of the plebs was promoted. I always told them to fuck off if asked.

    • This shit really took off in the 2000s, at least in the states. When I worked for UPS back then, 90% of the onsite workers (re: the poor cunts slaving away in a giant Texas warehouse with no air conditioning or windows) were bottom-dollar temps with ZERO rights or access to benefits. I managed to eye the payroll spreadsheet one week and almost got sick to my ass on the spot. No telling how many millions those cunts skimmed off the sweat of the peons over the course of 10 years. The problem has only ballooned since then since average employees have jack shit for rights in this sphincter of a state and we’re Republican and “business friendly”. That is to say, SHAMELESS CUNTS.

  3. About time these parasites were cunted. I emailed about a temporary van driving job (3 weeks). Cunt emails back and asks me what “van driving experience” I had. Fucking nonce. I even saw one of the cunting agencies put a job advert in Polish in my local newsagent. East Europe must be lovely and peaceful as all the cunts are over here undercutting us on jobs. I might set up an agency employing Ethiopians to undercut the dooshkas.

  4. Fucking PIMPS!!
    And when you use the service of a pimp you get fucked!! Worst of all you don’t get to keep all the money!!
    So in summarisation….

    You get fucked twice…….

  5. Oh yes, these rats. Bombard you with jobs that are 1% related to your skills in frothing desire to make commission. They don’t care if it’s nothing to do with you or the salary is lower, they’ll pester you night and day. They’re basically pimps trying to talk you into fucking the last whore in the brothel – the ginger one with no teeth, arms dusted with smack marks, uglier than a shadow cabinet minister.

  6. I once had to hand my CV to these shits. Never heard back from any of them apart from one company who thought I might like to work at my old school in the evenings as a cleaner.
    That was about 2 years after i’d found a job.
    Ive had friends given the run around by them as well. Given crappy shift work, told to go in to cover but after getting a train and walking to the out-of-town site, told by the actual company there was no need for them to come in, then given abuse over the phone when they couldnt take a shift.

    Gutless parasites.

    • I was once offered a job on morning shifts starting at 6am. It was 40 miles away, I didn’t drive, there were no buses or trains that went anywhere remotely close to the site at that time of the day and they were paying minimum wage. I politely declined and wondered what calibre of fuckwit they actually employed.

  7. The cunts only ever contact you when you’re working, but not through them!

    In the circles I dwell in, these fuckers (although there are – like in all cuntitude roles – one or two exceptions) are part and parcel of daily life, and – exceptions aside – are highly unscrupulous individuals.

    Here’s one of their tricks (in the IT trade at least): they ring up X and ask if they’d be interested in the best job in the world ever. O’course they can’t tell you who that job is for, or exactly how much it pays until you formally enter as a candidate. They ask if you would consider it – yes – and to think about it. They also pump X about their current role and skillset – for matching purposes o’course. There is no job. The next call the agent makes is to X’s boss saying that they’ve heard that X is thinking of moving on and if they need a replacement that they have several ideal candidates waiting in the wings to fulfill that role. Needless to say when X’s boss approaches X on the matter, it’s red faces all round.

    I’m fortunate in that a lot of my work is direct with clients, rather than via these pimps – because that is what they are – but every time I do have to deal with these cunts I always have to take a long shower afterwards to clean all the grime off!

    Cunts!

  8. I’ve only ever used these pimps when I had a work visa in Australia mid 90,s and to be fair they did the business
    I told them I didn’t care what the fucking job was as long as it was well paid, and would consider standing in a barrel of scorpions is the money was right !
    I got a brutally hard job working in mount isa North Queensland, Only working above ground but every job I did was hard yakka….. brilliant money and double bubble at weekends ……
    Mount isa made the east end look like the south of France……
    Definitely not planning to ever return

  9. Signed on with one once – never heard from them again as I presumably didn’t fit their model of profitable-and-easily-palmed-off mug. Useless, but at least I didn’t pay the cunts anything. Significant that Son of Blair (Euan) is now running his own apprentice recruitment agency, with lots of help from Mummy and her friends. Must be a nice little earner, preying on the broke and helpless. Shark cunts.

  10. I try to avoid these wankers but they are a necessary evil when you need to recruit. You will send them a detailed job specficiation with teh requisite academic and professional experience.

    In return they will send you a CV of Nelson Ngdoobga III from the Congo who requires a work permit (and your company to sponsor him), has an African ‘equivalent’ academic qualification and *not quite the level of expertise you need, all for a salary 1.5 x the ceiling you specified.

    Recruitment Consultants – what is there not to like?

    Piss off.

    * Nowhere fucking near.

  11. Shitcunts to a man (or woman, I’m not sexist).

    I’ve seen these fuckers in every possible capacity. Almost always fitting that ‘coffee fueled commuters’ description which I cunted a while back, they are as unscrupulous a cunt as one could ever hope to find wearing a shirt and fucking tie, outside of an underage grooming court case.

    I think the worst example I have ever encountered was during the ‘headhunting’ phase which I and other colleagues endured in the mid-2000s. These cunts even went as far as to lie outright about calling my office, claiming to be from the body of accreditation which covers my profession, just to get through to me and say ‘fancy a job’.

    And no, you aren’t being headhunted by these shitcuntfuckers. You are being phoned up by a complete piece of shit who wants to manipulate you into thinking some big firm is interested in you, when in fact this worm is actively attempting to take you away from a decent job and risking dumping you in some shithole to up his quota.

    Every single fucking recruitment consultant deserves to be beaten to fucking death with their own keyboards and have their monthly targets put up on the office whiteboard with their own blood and entrails. And that includes the women, because as I keep saying, I’m not fucking sexist.

  12. I have been made redundant three times in the last four years. Soon as these cunts find out they’re straight on the blower offering false hope, shit promises and bullshit. Final straw was last year, one of the stupid twats got me an interview at a firm. Got to the firm and they said that the job was withdrawn 6 months previously!! Total fucking waste of my time and money. I had depression due to not working and these stupid, vacuous leeches don’t help one bit. Utter, utter cunts.

  13. I have had poor experience with these people, Working in a niche industry you normally know who has gone and what positions are available.
    In fairness I got this job through a recruitment agency, they didn’t arrange an interview or anything just gave me a job description and tittle, That was enough and I went direct to my employer who strangely enough re employed me.
    Regards internal HR, I was recently contacted by a competitor to “Go over to them” I accepted the offer with grace and thanked them, Then pointed out that their company was a dumping ground for tossers from our company and the Branch manager where the position existed was a wanker coupled with the fact I had fired their yard foreman for theft from a previous job so it was a no goer and I am still not sure why they still think it a good idea to contact me

  14. Off point but nonetheless amusing…
    earlier there was a huge political announcement? , no not helmet headed Merkel threatening no deal ever unless bojo rolls over, far bigger and far reaching, Heidi Allen former conservative, change UK and latterly independent has thrown he political gravitas behind the lib dums and is the latest sack of remain shite to join up without doing the honourable thing and something close to her heart “ letting the people decide” in relation to her continuing to represent them in her constituency……. mind you an election does appear around the corner!! But she’s still a
    Second class hypocrite first class cunt

  15. Thought of the day, as one recruitment cuntsaltant pissed me off particularly, so am slightly avoiding topic…

    Did you know that Princess Diana (of Princess died fame) is an anag. of Rancid Pansies ??

    Step forward, Uncle Elsan !! Apparently, they had a slight falling-out; just imagine !! An old queen bitching with a never-to-be queen…

    • Talking of the ‘People’s Cunt’, I see that Reg Dwight, aka Elton ‘bum me now’ John has been making a spectacular cunt out of himself with excerpts from his new book in The Mail, detailing all kinds of tomfuckery which could earn him multiple ISAC nominations to send him into the triple figures.

      I always thought that getting him to sing at Diana’s funeral was more a mark of disrespect than anything.

  16. Been turned over by the cunts a couple of times.
    Went a long way to one interview where they seemed only to want to pick my brains. I was factory manager for their rival. Told them nothing except generalities. Expenses promised but never arrived.
    Went 250 miles to find out that the key requirement was experience I didn’t have nor claim. Again, no expenses.
    Useless, predatory cunts.

    • Sounds like a post I went for – no recruitment company was involved – but it became painfully obvious as the interview proceeded that the job had already gone in-house and I was there solely to satisfy their competitive application policy. (“We’ll have to do some interviews, but don’t worry, Cecilia. You’ve got the job”) They were rather careful not to reveal the highly specialised nature of the job until the interview, too. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have bothered. Got the exes, though.

  17. Plus they’re usually about 20 years old, called Leah, Rhiannon or Ben. About as much experience of life as I have experience of being noshed off by Jennifer Lawrence whilst Mila Kunis gives me a rim job.

    • I interviewed for a RC role in my early twenties – just graduated and then the 2008 bank foboff took place, no choice.

      There were some fiiiine specimens in that office, and everyone seemed to have that overly enthusiastic business persona/snooting a dash of charlie in the toilets. Was fun for about 15 seconds and got me some dole money that month.

  18. Due to my recent redundancy, I was enrolled at 6 employment agencies. Useless cunts all. I told them that the bus fare was £5 into town. No mention of expenses or feck all but promises.

    Fucking CUNTS of the first order.

  19. I should have a new job soon subject to pre-recuitment checks (which are close to being completed as I understand it) but whilst job hunting for the last few months I had to deal with a few of these disgusting cunts. Got an interview through one after the twats saw my CV on CV library – the company (Meiyume) had a 1.6/5 rating on Glassdoor and the rate of pay was set by the agency at £8.21 per hour – or roughly £5,500 p/a less than what the average is supposed to be for new graduates in my field. Thank fuck I ballsed the interview and budgeted well enough at university that I’m not desperate. Another one phoned me up yesterday and I straight up told them to fuck off.

  20. You can bet they were planning on siphoning off a good bit of that £5.5K for themselves (see everyone above). National minimum for a graduate in anything useful is absurd – as far as work-life balance goes, you’re better stacking shelves. Hope you got the job and that it’s a good one. Unless you did media studies, in which case I hope it stinks. 🙂

    • Thanks Komodo – I received an email after getting out of the gym earlier saying that all the checks are completed and I am set to start on the 4th of next month.

  21. Spot-on cunting!
    I work for myself and am quite well known in my industry, yet the stupid fuckers still hound me and when I let them know that the company (that I own and run) is doing really well and they can’t afford me, they turn it around and start sending me CVs of cunts I know and wouldn’t employ to make the tea.

    My advice as an Employer:
    1) Dodge these parasites like you’d dodge a vegan charity chugger in town
    2) Spend 2 days getting your CV and Covering Letter template sorted (imagine it’s a 2 day job and work your balls off)
    3) Research the industry and pick the companies you WANT to work for
    4) Call up said companies and VERY POLITELY explain that you’d love to work for them and ask who does their Hiring, so that you can send them a copy of your CV
    5) Tailor your CV and Covering Letter to that company/individual/department
    6) Take every oportunity you can to be polite and impress. Remember that 1st impressions (smile, handshake, covering letter, email etc) are everything

    Good luck!

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