Old People at Cash Points

These fuckers are well overdue a cunting.

Why does it have to take so fucking long to withdraw £20 from a cash point? Card in, enter details, take money and fuck off. Oh no, not these cunts. They have to take five fucking minutes staring at the screen wondering what to do. When they eventually figure out how to withdraw cash, they then go in for the balance check and then the final fucking annoyance of waiting for the receipt. Add that to fucking around putting the card and cash back in the wallet and you’re in for a ten minute wait behind these cunts.

Nominated by Cunty mcfuckwit

85 thoughts on “Old People at Cash Points

  1. Annoying to be sure, but nowhere near as bad as the cunts who withdraw using one card, then put in a totally different card and withdraw from that fucker too.

    I’ve never fucking understood what all that is about.

    • I work with someone who has a bank account and normal bills and a mortgage. He gets paid into his bank account but insists on walking to the bank every payday to pay his utilities bills and his mortgage always felt he is a bit eccentric but I’m sure he’s part of a much bigger number of old school don’t trust the banks cunts than I thought.
      And maybe he’s onto something.

    • Agree Empire. People can check there balance on there phones these days without pissing us off.

  2. I was behind a middle aged woman the other day who used three separate cards, checked the balances of all of them, got a print out receipt for all of them and then didn’t even withdraw any cash.

    • These old bastards are taking the mick, stop fuckin about and hurry the fuck up!!
      And when paying by card have it ready!
      Dont search in your handbag/coat for 10minutes!
      Take a cattle prod to em.

  3. Not as bad as standing behind a ninja/pillar box with three screaming future suicide bombers with a phone up her hijab.

  4. I’m 63, so I’m heading for the mental decrepitude and social spasticity the nom highlights. But when I’m in a supermarket queue (a la Miserable Northern Cunt above), I do a mental tot of the total approx price and have the notes ready in my hand. It’s not fucking rocket science.

    • I heard that when you become an old cunt you stop taking in technology . It all becomes to much to process . So I’m going to have to stand up for old cunts as its fast approaching in my case.
      Its the younger cunts that Empire mentioned who have to put multiple cards in and check their balances without even withdrawing cash. All cash machines should have a 3 minute cut off point that chews your card if you don’t fuck off within that period.

      Fuck Them very much !!!

      • Have to admit that, while I don’t hang about at cash machines, and more or less know my way round a PC, the latest technology has pretty well lost me. I don’t think my bank wants humans to talk to humans any more, and it wants me to get an all-singing all-dancing phone, subject to security procedures which are meaningless if someone swipes my phone at the same time as my card. And will lock me out if my weak 3G signal drops out during a transaction. ‘My’ techno-bank’s website is constructed like Hampton Court Maze and contains a query form which by its own admission needs a video to understand. (If your mobile connection is on PAYG, you’ll understand why downloading videos doesn’t appeal.)

        I pay by cheque when I can. I managed for years before cards were invented, and if I had a problem I could talk to someone in a branch who understood English and knew the system. Not any more. Cunts.

        And if you think Granny’s bad at the cashpoint – and she often is – you haven’t spent enough time behind a group of Chinese students (a) trying to work out what the mystic symbols on the screen mean –
        “Why is not in Chinese?”
        “Is in Engrish”
        “Are we in Engrand? Ohhhh.”
        – and (b) performing complex transactions probably involving money laundering.

        • Fortunately my online banking only requires me to have a basic mobile which can receive texts, which is bad enough in itself I agree.

          Anyway, last month I held my nose and got a £20 pay-as-you-go Nokia which included £10 credit. Naturally I haven’t used it, but know it receives texts ok because Vodafone have been sending up to 3 texts a day enticing me to use the cunt with free 250mg of this and free fucking that, they think I was born yesterday, cunts.

          • This is all anybody requires RTC. It’s not yours or anyone else’s bank that has implemented this but recent government legislation.

          • I’m aware of that Blunty. I was replying to Komodo’s remark that his bank apparently wants him to get “an all-singing all-dancing phone”.

      • Its usually young women who check the balance and then start screaming at the machine because they think they should have funds but the computer says no.
        Silly cunts who cant manage their finances, fuck off, if you spend without thinking your money will run out.

      • Thankfully, I can still handle a vibrator, but suspect a milking machine would be more enjoyable…

  5. They’re slow but not as fucking irritating as some young cunts who sometimes don’t understand the questions from the on-screen menu options; or press the wrong button anyway; or while doing the transaction are on the phone to their mate or fucking about on Facebook!

  6. You can picture Peter Mandelson shambling along to the cashpoint each month to check his EU pension has been paid in, and his subscription to Pornhub has been paid out. Same with Heseltine and his EU subsidy for his arboreum hobby – the EU will pay you thousands to grow trees even if you do nothing with them. If you have a spare ten acres like Heselslime, try it – money for old rope.

  7. The cash link machine is a safe space for old buggers.
    Its about the only public place that some dozy millenial won’t walk into you whilst staring moronically at their phone.

  8. Worse than the dodderers who hold up cashpoint queues are the parking stanleys who (don’t know how to) use them… It’s usually them simply not being arsed and being used to having everything done for them and being indulged by members of staff… Usually peaceful wimmin who give it the ‘No speaky English’ noise and some cunt at Halifax or somewhere going through the cash machine process with them like they are teaching a six year old while every other poor on their dinner hour fucker is waiting their turn… Fucking cunts….

  9. These cunts are then guaranteed to be in front of you at the checkout where they will start looking for their card after the shopping has been slowly loaded even though they have had 5/10 minutes in the queue to prepare.

    • Don’t start me on about stupid fucking wimmin holding the queue up by gossiping a load of inane and babbling crap with the other stupid wimmin behind the checkout at supermarkets… And when the cunts have satanic fancy dress wearing scooter riding screeching brats in tow it’s even worse…

      • Or cunts who just when you think they are finished, suddenly produce a mass of coupons which entitles them to a total of 22 p off their shopping. These take 20 minutes* to process.

        * artistic licence for entertainment purposes.

  10. It’s obviously in their interest to be speedy at the atm before they croak it,so bloody well get a move on.

  11. I dont mind old cunts. They are someones parents, probably worked harder than most snowflakes ever can do or will, some fought enemies instead of letting the cunts in to live of free housing and have contributed.

    I am sure if the cunting banks took time to show them what to do they would waste no more of their own time than they need to. But they dont, all they have is a call line in munbai or a cunt just out of school telling them thats the rules and get on with it. Id much rather be around them than cunting children.

    • Agree, your majesty the nearest bank to me is 7 miles away. The nearest branch of my bank is 17 miles away. A problem for many of our older folk who have to make do with vomit covered atm keypads or the fucking tourists emptying the machines by 10.00 am every fucking day of the season. I do not mind old people fuck me I am one and I is getting mighty pissed off.

      • That is the other thing banks do is shut their local branches. The one in my small town closed about 2 years ago and then they closed the two closest to them last year. Now you have to drive about 8 miles if you want to go into a branch and pay for parking.

        • …which doesn’t help the environment and/or traffic congestion in the slightest. But the banks don’t see (or want to see) this knock-on effect when they decide to close branches

          • They shut down the local Gnat West in the village about 10 yrs ago and it’d been boarded up ever since. Time came for them to flatten it and I recalled it was loaded with SOLID teak archtrives and SOLID mahogany counter tops, window cill boards, skirtings, basically acres of Brazilian forest was felled to second fix the place! Chops has a couple of old dinghies in various states of completion for want of aged hardwood, quick word with the site foreman and I’d backed the estate up and hoyed 200ft of 6″ teak planking into the back 😉
            Fucking paid for it in the end though, got the mother of all contact dermatitis reactions to the oils in the teak, fucking head to foot, hands blistering to fuck for 4 MONTHS and one year later I still get an occasional localised flare up! where I (like a twat) made a handle for a rasp out of the stuff.

        • We used to have a Lloyds, HSBC, Nationwide, Barclays, NatWest and Halifax (who I’m with) in my town. Now we’re left with just the Lloyds and Nationwide and they’ll doubtless go soon as well. They’re trying to force everyone online.

          • Correct. The more impenetrable e-money they can credit themselves with, behind data protection rules, at that, the more profit they can make from leveraging it. Cashless society here we come.

            There are apparently 4 million punters out there without internet access, to whom the banks have said ‘fuck off’, btw.

            Though Nationwide is promising not to close branches for the next two years, and comes near the top for customer satisfaction. I’ve been looking around…

  12. They are on par with the fuckwits who get to the barrier at a railway station and then ferret around their handbags or pockets for their ticket or oyster card.

    • I asked some woman getting on the bus if she was aware she’d been waiting for one, because it took her fucking ages to find her purse when she got on. She was already waiting at the stop when we got there 10 minutes previously. I got on, card in hand.

  13. A fair number of my customers are elderly or ancient. For many, technology has left them far behind, they don’t own computers and are not tech savvy. Drawing out cash, shopping and other mundane day to day practices are a major task. If they don’t have caring families they are really up against it.
    Now not all old folk are nice, some of them have been Cunts for decades, but many are solid gold, they’ve worked harder, endured more hardship, made do with far less, shared more and sacrificed far more than many others ( including myself ) of younger generations.
    Some of the tales I’ve heard range from the harrowing to the heroic, particularly in relation to WW2. The horrors of Burma and Monte Cassino. The overwhelming gratitude for Allied food drops in Holland when people were starving.
    So yes, old folk can be fucking annoying, but many of them have earned it, trouble is you can’t tell just by looking.
    Good morning

    • I like the distinction Jack, between elderly and ancient. I consider myself to be in the elderly category so it makes me feel young!
      I am a bit worried though as to what age you enter the ancients or maybe it’s all a state of mind.

      • I saw Roy Fattersley on the telly last week. Fuck me, talk about ancient!

        Oddly though he wasn’t drooling.

        • I remember years ago sat in car while my dad went to cash point in town centre, 3 young teenagers run up and stood round him!
          He turned and growled “fuck off or ill break yer jaws!”
          They meekly replied “hello uncle Malc!”
          Couldnt breathe for laughing.

        • Am sure I saw Hatterjee in Madame Tussaud’s about ten years ago – as an exhibit.
          Maybe it was a programme about sex dolls…

    • I can assure you that the silly bitch who produced her coupons at the check out thus holding everyone for another 30 minutes did not fight at Monte Casino nor the jungles of fucking Burma!

  14. sadly having dealt with ageing people they go through 3 stages, Normal banking, get swindled by some cunt so you take the bank card away and give them a charge card (£100 per week) then when that goes tits up (cant get to cash machine or done by carer) its cash only £30 or £50 a week and a ledger book because they cant get out anymore and don’t need cash.
    Fucking boiled my piss in Greece when some old Bulgarian biddy systematically emptied the cash machine in front of me with multiple cards shoving it all in her handbag.
    Old people at the tobacco counter piss me off, they don’t want fags (if they smoked they wouldn’t have lived that long) all they want is a loaf of bread, some flowers, a lotto ticket and a fucking great big long chat with the poor sod behind the counter, plus they normally do this during working peoples lunch breaks

  15. Not as annoying as dopey chav single mums who pay for a few things at a corner shop with their phone then find they havent got enough money because money has ‘been taken out of their account’, so they search their bag and try to get money from their equally skint friend, before saying she’ll go home to get the cash, 4 spasmo ADHD kids in tow. Who knows, one of the brood may have used her card to ‘level up’ or buy more Leprechaun juice on a ‘free-to-play’ mobile game.

    Fucking underclass.

  16. Leave the old duffers alone.

    It seems they’re the only ones making a stand against a cashless society….

  17. What is the etiquette for using the ATM? I stand a good 6 feet behind someone but when they have finished they always give me a nasty look as if I’ve been spying. I think once there was an attempt at a ‘distraction theft’ on me. He sidled up smiling then someone the other side…I just pressed CANCEL. Some of the worst moments in my life…the day after a night out with Mrs P .pressing the ‘balance’ button. How much have we got to live on live on for the next month? £02:47.

    • Miles, I have a stick. I put it between my legs so it sticks out like a tail behind me when I’m at the cash point. That keeps nosy PIN pests at bay.

      • A little bit of urban savy, if I were so inclined I would grab that stick with both hands pull it up as hard as I could whilst sharply drawing it back then step over your body remove the cash from the machine saving me the effort of having to get my own card out.
        I most certainly would not put myself in such a vulnerable position ( it’s like trying to pick up the pound coins glued to the pavement outside a gay bar)

  18. This shit isn’t exclusive to old people. There are dumb arses of every age who do this.

    I cannot fathom what takes these fuckers so long?? When I draw money out it is card in, press the options, press the amount, grab the cash and the card and then get the fuck off. There are some cunts who take a millennium just to read the fucking screen and go from selection to selection….I mean, what the fuck??

    My 78 year-old Dad was at a cash point the other week, and he came back cursing the cunt in front of him who after withdrawing her shit, stood there at the ATM reading her fucking receipt with not a care in the world about anyone waiting behind her.

    He was too polite to nicely tell her to fuck off out of the way……I wouldn’t have been.

    Even though these cunts are annoying as hell, they are not half as bad as the people who use the actual tellers in a bank…..the cunts who come in with fifty bank books and spend ages fucking around, moving money from this to that and that to this, keeping every poor fucker waiting for their lame, internet-banking devoid arse to finish their bank book cuntery.

    Now they ARE cunts of epic proportions.

    • I am the proud possessor of an “internet-banking devoid arse”, and therefore a cunt. On average, I have been going into a branch once in two months in order to get a transfer from one a/c into another. A human did this for me, in about five minutes. If I have been kept waiting, it has usually been by local businessmen with cash to deposit. No sweat, my diary isn’t full for this ten minutes.

      I am now told I can only do this from home, on a PC with a lousy mobile connection, while liable to be texted whenever I pay someone the bank feels not to be its social equal, to demand a call-back, on a phone which I hardly use and is therefore off most of the time. Oh, and use a shitty little hash-generator to exchange codes with the bank if I want to move money anywhere but one of my accounts with that bank.

      I am being pressured into a financial setup I deeply resent, as practised by internet-everything cunts, and which is actually less inherently secure than paper transactions with face-to-face contact. Because the current security will be hacked, if it hasn’t already been, by a criminal with more resources than the Queen, and another layer of security will be needed next year. And who will bear the inconvenience? Yes, that’s what the mug customers are for.

      So I’m a cunt. And an unrepentant cunt.

      • Did I touch a nerve, Komodo?

        Good for you and all that…but it is very much an issue when you are in a huge queue of people in your bank and you have several people doing these transactions. It is never just one person for a few minutes.

        You and others may not like that this is the way banking is going, but this is the sad reality. I am no fan of doing things over the internet in terms of finance either, but for me personally, it is a great way of checking my debits and credits without having to wait a millennium behind slow cunts with a million transactions to complete and at a bank that has one single teller open because they are cutting back on actual staff……and this is because many people bank online!!

        I can transfer money between my cheque account and my savings in the press of a key as opposed to waiting in a Great Wall of China queue…..because 10 minutes to me IS a big deal and my diary IS full. If a human did this for you in five minutes, you are very much the exception and not the rule…..and maybe not in Londonistan??

        If you are an ‘unrepentant cunt’ so be it.

        • I don’t live in London, happily, and I do sympathise with very busy people. In fact if I were in front of you in a queue and you said you were frontline NHS and in a hurry, I would stand aside on request…well, I’d like to think so.

          Am I a superannuated fart nostalgic for the good old days? Or do I have a point in thinking that the ever-increasing commercially-driven pressure on peoples’ time and resources is not an entirely good thing?

          I’m also just wondering what happens when a healthy solar flare (or a nuke, or a hacker) knocks out all our electronic wizardry, and I’m not the only one.

          Anyway, respect, and may all your queues be short ones.

    • Some of the worse cunts to get behind are those in a local post office who are returning limitless mail order items, all requiring receipts. And don’t these fuckers always choose to visit when it’s at its busiest.

    • I have a reperoire of none-too subtle non-verbal things…hissing, yawning, belching, maybe the occasional fart. It usually ensures no-one lingers in my presence.
      I sometimes use these at an ATM, too.

  19. I agree about people in general fannying about at the cashpount, but I have to disagree with old people because they’re old so I give them a bit more patience and understanding.
    However, what does cheese me off is people, of any age, looking at the food menu whilst standing at the pub bar. Do that at your table then write it down if you need to. (I have to sometimes, my memory gets mixed up when having to remember a lot) then go up and order.

  20. To be fair, the design of some of these atms are less than perfect.
    I bank with HSBC and the buttons on their machines are offset from the displayed choices, leadiing one to scrutinise the display for which service they need and hopefully press the right one. Also atms at building societies and supermarkets seem long winded and slow, particularly those of Nationwide and Sainsburys.

    • Agreed. How difficult would it be to align the option you want with the fucking button to the side??

      • Plus 90% of them are placed in direct sunlight so you can’t read the fuckin screen. It’s for this reason, that when I go to the cash machine, I usually take the Flabbott along with me. She not only provides ample shade but is also on hand to see off any menacing Pîkeys who are hanging around.

      • Like most things these days Moggie, no forward thinking.
        The bank probably got a cheap deal on the atms and contracted out the IT bit to someone else – on the cheap – and hoped for the best.

  21. Show a bit of respect for yer elders. You’ll be old yerself one day. I fought in two world wars so that the likes of you would be free to stand behind me waiting while I try to draw me pittance of a pension out from this machine. It don’t go far these days, what with the price of everything. After I’ve paid for me beer, baccy and porn and put me bet on, I’ve barely got the price of a loaf left.
    Why can’t they make the writing on this thing bigger? Where’s me reading glasses? I’ve left the bastards in the house. Fuck off.

  22. It looks like Fred Dibnah in the photo, taking out his last lot of cash.
    I hope he set his whippet on any young moaning cunts behind him.

    • Bertie, does Percy keep a look out, perched on your shoulder, for nosy people whilst you withdraw your money?
      I hope he doesn’t squawk out loud your pin number.

        • Thank you both for your concerns. However, I stopped taking him to the cash point the day we were behind an old lady and he squawked “hurry up you old crow.”
          I took a severe beating that day with a very heavy umbrella.

  23. I know you may find this hard to believe, but I don’t like people, every day I have to come to work and face the fuckers.
    So internet banking is a blessing, when I say internet I mean internet my bank has no branches, but I can use cash machines, transfer funds on my phone, set up direct debits, reverse transactions (yes I can stop money going out if I have too) all with 0 interaction with anyone.
    Reason, paymaster chichester (HMF) opened a lloyds account for me in 1987 I stayed with lloyds until two years ago when I started to look at the account and why I seemed to be permanently skint, the “Up grades” and “new charges” were hitting me and they had two addresses on me a “Correspondence address” and a “Home address” hence me not knowing what the fuck was going on and their version of “internet banking” went wrong years ago. bunch of cunts, oh and dont get me started on when they emptied my current and savings account to cover a joint account that my ex seemed to still have her fingers in!

  24. I fucking hate cash machines in general, if I have to use one and there’s somebody using it and more than one person waiting to use it I’ll keep walking until I find another one without a queue, even if it takes me half an hour, I hate queuing. Same when I go in a pub, if it takes more than a couple of minutes to even be acknowledged then I’ll walk straight back out the door.

    • Cunty Pants. You are suffering from macrophobia – a fear of long waits. I can recommend Rough Tough Creampuff’s residential course to get you through it. He’s a doctor of psychotic enlightenment don’t you know.
      His rates are very reasonable and he gets good results. However, the food is crap with a strictly enforced vegetarian diet.

      • Look what he did to Angela Merkel! Left her shaking like a Frenchman on the battlefield.

        • Happy to do ‘mates rates’, but vegetarian diet? That’s fucking libellous!

          You’ll be hearing from my solicitors in the morning.

  25. Button 1: banana
    Button 2: cow prod electric shock

    Oh no that would slow them even further

  26. Also can’t stand those cunts in supermarkets who want to pay for some items with one card, then other items with a different card.

  27. I’m not sure the oldies realise they can pay with their card, they don’t need cash in most cases. I saw one with a contactless card paying for something that came to less than £30 but still put his card in and took an eternity to enter his PIN.

  28. Am sure I saw Hatterjee in Madame Tussaud’s about ten years ago – as an exhibit.
    Maybe it was a programme about sex dolls…

  29. RE technology, was offered a job by the Cyril & Sybil Service today.
    Filling in the extra info re referees, previous names (I still have my same four initials, in the same order, but now as 2 + 2 rather than 3 + 1; all the cunt organisations persisted in ignoring my 3rd christian name, which really pissed me off, as I was named after an unc who was a fantastic bloke, a really fun person.
    After eight attempts, I just went back, changed the form to read “no changes of name.”
    Load of wank. It’s a phone centre job; I found something on YouTube which gives me an idea on how to be of benefit to my employers…”The Hitler Helpline.”

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