I wasn’t sure if this was for real, but judging from the lunacy of certain people, please find my nomination for Amanda Liberty, 35, from London, who describes herself an an “objectophile”, somebody who has a strong feeling of love, commitment or lust for items or structures.
She ‘had a long-distance relationship with the Statue of Liberty’ and is now engaged to a chandelier. (as you do – admin)
She has been dating the 100-year old light fixture since 2017 and said on Facebook that her love for the chandelier “just happened”. She realised she was an objectophile aged 14 when she had a relationship with a drum kit. She should have realised at the same age that she was a cunt.
By her late 20s she was in an on-off relationship with the Statue of Liberty, which is when she changed her surname to Liberty. The relationship came to an end in 2016 after she felt pressured to always visit the Statue of Liberty, who she called Libby. Her relationship with Lumière, the 28-inch chandelier, started shortly afterwards. Amanda admits that she isn’t able to take the light to bed because of its size, but that doesn’t stop her from having sexually charged dreams about it.
“I don’t even completely understand it myself, but I still accept it as part of who I am,’ she wrote on Facebook. ‘My chandeliers make me so happy and full of joy and completely fulfilled.”
Amanda admitted that she had a dream recently which involved the Queen introducing her to a chandelier.
“They let me operate the chandelier lift in the music room (something I would really love to do!) to bring one of the chandeliers down for closer inspection. I walked around her. And I told the Queen how beautiful her chandelier was…Then, before I could do more, I woke up. Dang it.”
She hopes to marry Lumière in the future and is very open about her relationship with her chandelier, which is a girl, on social media.
Nominated by Mystic Maven
I’ve met a few people who have lusted after objects – apples, cucumbers, lava lamps and the odd toilet brush. It takes a surgeon’s nimble fingers to help them get over it but I’m sure it’s only a temporary fix. Lust conquers all.
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Yaaaay! I’ve been moderated. I feel like I really belong now!
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The novelty soon wears off I assure you.
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Amanda Fucking Liberty?
Kill
it
with
fucking
fire!
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And for a doughnut puncher, Fat Reg isn’t half doing some licking around the arse of Meg O’ Marple… What a cunt he really is…
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And Paul Pogba is still a colossal cunt… Can the overpaid cunt trombone still not take a fucking penalty?! The useless fucking twat….
Lingard is a complete cunt and all….
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Of course Man United’s ‘official’ line is they are ‘disgusted’ by online racial abuse that Pogba has ‘suffered’ after yet another inept display… Naturally trying to deflect critcism about how shit he is as a player… I don’t give a fuck if he’s black, white, or lime green… He is shite and a liability….
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I have to jump to Lingard’s defence as he’s a Warrington lad! However, I am fuckin’ glad he didn’t choose to sign for us!
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A man has been charged with murdering 28-year-old PC Andrew Harper, who was killed while investigating a burglary…
Only one? Well, what about all the other scum who helped the cunt do it then?…
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A statue comes to life in the last scene of Shakespeare’s A Winter’s Tale. Hermione. I once saw it done…rather unnerving because it’s as if she’s conjured into life. Similar to some scholars thinking there is (dark) supernatural power in the text of Macbeth.
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Aaah, yes, luvvies talking about the “Scottish play”…
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What the fuck is wrong with this site? Stop giving these cranks the oxygen of publicity or we’ll be overwhelmed with more of the fuckers.
PS. Although we have been happily married for several years now, my parrot Percy and myself are in a Polygamous relationship as I am also married to his cage.
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PPS Must rush. I have an appointment with Dr Creampuff at 12.
He’s a Doctor of Psychotic Enlightenment you know.
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Don’t let him knock you out or you may wake up to discover that a Proctologist called Dr. Hook is your next port-of-call.
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Are you sure you’re not confusing him with Prof. Abu Hamza Mr F? That one eyed fucker shouldn’t be free to practise.
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There is a parrot on your shoulder Bertie. Are you identifying as Long John Silver?
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Check it out Miles:
http://viz.co.uk/2014/10/10/bertie-blunt-parrots-cunt/
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Aww! RTC, you’ve just revealed some of my material for forthcoming posts!
I do believe, however, that Percy and I only made this one appearance in Viz so look forward to hearing about more of our exciting adventures in the future! Well, if Chas C, Dioclese and Mike’s Place all push their own things, then I’m sure Bertie and Percy can join in.
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I was just filling Miles in with a little background information. Not that he’ll ever see it.
Long John Silver indeed – confusing your avatar with the title of a Jefferson Airplane album!
We await your future adventures on tenterhooks…
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Afternoon Miles. I’m afraid this whole persona of Bertie and his parrot has completely taken over me.
Even Mrs B has been instructed to address me as Bertie. I have many fetishes in life(undisclosed) so she understands my Birdcage fetish.
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Percy has a cage? No way you’d ever get that vicious cunt in a cage! Are you sure it’s not your cage Bertie…?
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I’m afraid so Ruffy. Percy is such a vicious cunt, he has to be contained when Grandma visits but even this doesn’t protect her from his obscene outbursts.
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Am assuming the microwave trick didn’t work. Fucking technology!
Btw, you missed your 12 O’clock appointment. That’ll be a £10 fine please.
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I’m still waiting to inherit grandma’s money in order to be able to afford a microwave that will do the job.
Could we please reschedule for this Friday at 10 a.m? By the way the appt. is for Percy, not me!
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GET TO FUCK!
© Jack the Cunter 2018
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I’m sure this deviant will be back in the news in a few years time when she is arrested for indecent exposure and put on the register following the discovery of cctv footage of her finger blasting herself in the light fittings department of IKEA.
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It would appear that objectophilia is not taken too seriously by the majority on here, but I have always had a special relationship with my penis. Does that count? It’s been my favourite body part for many years now and I’m sentimentally attached to it. I’ve kept it close to my chest, especially when I’ve had an erection, but I’ve decided to ‘come out’ and admit my infatuation. There, I’ve said it, and I’m not ashamed.
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A cunt, but a harmless one, unless she and the chandelier are Remoaner cunts.
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Joke is this cunt is getting widespread coverage and even acceptance… The BBC actually reporting on this insane bitch?! Only a few years ago if some sad weirdo said they had a ‘relationship’ with the Statue of Liberty they’d have been slung in the nuthouse and rightly so… Now loonies like this are being seen as ‘normal’ and part of society… Only a matter of time before the very worst tendencies and unnatural ‘urges’ will be embraced by liberal lunatics in the mainstream media…
And I bet the fat bitch hasn’t even been to New York, so how the fuck can she have a ‘relationship’ with the Statue? She’s an insane sack of shit…
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Some of us are facetious about the existence of this unusual condition. But I put it to you: Diane Abbott? Or a chandelier?
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An intellectual pygmy bulb…
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I’d feel less embarrassed telling my mates I’d shagged a chandelier
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I don’t know what everyone’s problem is with this lady…
by the way, I’m enrolling my 2 little fridge freezers, Candy & Indesit into the local comprehensive next week. I am having difficulty in getting uniforms that fit well though.
They make me so proud, humming away & rejecting heat, the little darlings 😉
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