The smart meter adverts.


Normally, I like children, but that advert puts me into sadistic, mad-axeman mood and if I were any less restrained, would’ve had the coffee table hurled at light-speed through the TV screen.

“I want to live in a world where there are polar bears”………… FUCK OFF YOU LITTLE TWERP…. I want to live in a world where I can feed your smug-Islington-faced body to the fucking polar bears.

Then another two giant children, (naturally a gender-balanced boy and girl), lie down on the landscape, under the wind-turbines. The thoughtless cunts just wiped out all wildlife and crushed the woodlands under their huge bodies. Heres hoping that the windmills are actually ALIEN ROBOTS that then uproot themselves and chop the smarmy giant little cunts to pieces, leaving the landscape awash with giant blood and guts. “I want to live in a world where the air is clean”… IT IS CLEAN, cleaner than it’s been for 7 fucking centuries at least, especially in the cities… NO power stations, NO heavy industry, NO open coal fires, catalysed vehicles, you can even see the horizon.

Then there is another giant kid running next to the power lines. RUN INTO THEM for fucks sakes and give us a break from this propagandist SHITE.

But THE WORST is left for last, a kid in a rainbow top, with a mouth full of metal on her teeth, standing on a fucking balcony, in a CONCRETE JUNGLE, people stacked on top of one another, no grass, no gardens, no parking, no safe open spaces, looking in open-mouthed, starry-eyed wonder at the giant CGI butterflies, that I hope are carnivorous, drag her off the balcony, and lay eggs on her for their giant larvae.

And what is this load of emotive WANK promoting? SMART METERS, that for the propagandized millions, are touted as “saving the planet/polar-bears/butterflies” by saving energy and saving the future for our preshhhhhhhuuuuuussssss chiiiiiiiilllllllldrennnnn. yep, invoke “the Children” in order to get us stupid adults to have even more of our diminished freedoms and enjoyment stolen from us. Christ, if those brave men who laid down their lives 75yrs ago could see us now, they’d weep. On the other hand, with the speed they must be turning in their graves, we could generate enough electricity to power the planet.

Which brings me neatly to the main subject, the actual “Smart” meters. The £400 a pop “Smart” meters DON’T save you ANY electricity and CANNOT save you any. An energy usage display can be fitted in ANY house and costs a few quid. OK. theoretically, it stops “estimated readings”, but really, who apart from a few souls, really gives a fuck? Besides, the first generation meters go “dumb” if you switch suppliers. The REAL: issue is that these abominations contain a “Smart” remotely controlled SWITCH a large set of contacts the utility or government agency can turn off by remote control. The meters also contain a SIM so that they can communicate with the utility, government agency etc via the mobile network, Vodafone in this case. Even the “Smart” GAS METER does this.

Which brings me to the final point: Do you remember when the government, GreenPiss, the Friends of No-One etc told us that we should switch our TVs OFF due to the 1-watt idle current?? Well here it is ALL no-analogue (spinning disk) meters consume 2-watts just to operate, EVEN the new “Smart” GAS METERS that previously used NO electricity.

As most electricity meters are now digital, there are about twenty MILLION in use, consuming FORTY MEGAWATTS whereas if we had the older analogue meters, the wastage would be less than a tenth. With about FIVE MILLION “Smart” gas meters at 2-watts, that’s another TEN MEGAWATTS just to power the “Smart” digital meters. FIFTY MEGAWATTS in total and that’s on top of all of those MAINS POWERED DIGITAL DISPLAYS at about a watt each, PLUS the power for the digital circuitry on “Smart” thermostats, light switches etc that are active all of the time and increasing in number. We are probably in the region of 70-80 MEGAWATTS just on monitoring circuits and paranoia-inducing energy consumption displays, even those annoying “Ring” “smart” doorbells cansume a watt or so.

Despite all of this “Green” “Smart” cuntritude, we haven’t built a single fucking NEW POWER STATION IN DECADES, to power all of those new gadgets, rathole dwellings, HS2, data-networks, which if we have a blackout, we are FUCKED.

How many ill-educated, paranoid saps have bought into this “Smart” shit to “save the polar bears” when the reality is that the utilities are facing massive FINES next year for not hitting the “let’s put a remote switch in people’s homes” target, fines that twill be added to OUR FUCKING BILLS.

There is NO legal requirement to have one of these RF radiating abominations and if your utility says there is, GO ELSEWHERE.

AS for that fucking cunt of an advert, I stand by every word. “Smart” Meters for Dumb Cunts.

Nominated bySheikh Anvakh (Imam of all Cunts)


51 thoughts on “The smart meter adverts.

  1. Let us disarm you… for the sake of the children
    Let us spy on you… for the sake of the children
    Let us rip you off with all this climate shite… for the sake of the children
    Let us fuck your children… for the sake of the children.

    That last one is coming. Horrible bastards.

    • Adverts on the Radio ; “get your Smart Meter today – from the campaign for a smarter Britain” – FUCK OFF !

      My previous energy company sent me 2 e-mails a week ; ‘smart meters now being fitted in your area – book your FREE installation today (cost after promotion ends £300)’ – FUCK OFF !

      They sent one poor sap round to my door ” would you like to book fitting of a free smart meter?”
      “I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t have one either. They bus 15 guys down to London each week to fit smart meters – they can’t get them quick enough down there”

      I’m sick of all this shite :- smart meters, self-service tills, automated customer service, order your take-away with our app, uber, self driving cars;then buses;then trains, they’re putting everyone at the low wage end out of work.
      I’m not gonna learn how to build smartphones and hybrid battery systems at my age – anyway, they’ll build ’em quicker & cheaper in China, Korea & Japan anyway, so no British company will survive the 21st Century.
      Basically….this country is fucked !

      • Completely agree. Worst thing with this smart meter bullshit is they monitor absolutely everything you do. They know when you’re out, when you’re home, build a pattern of usage over a year. Know when you want a bath, watch tv, go on the laptop. Every aspect of your life tracked by these fucks. Ooo but they’re installing it free for your own well-being!!!. When has any multimillion pound company ever done anything to assist the consumer. It’s always been a plan to absolutely shaft and increase the amount of fee’s imposed upon one. It makes me sick, you can tell there’s a real insidiousness behind this implementation because they’re are desperate for every fucker to get this nasty little piece of spy ware installed ASAP. We’ve had the same gas and leccy bill for 7 years. But apparently if we transfer to a smart meter they’ll half it for a year. Yeah what do you cunts get out of that to allow us to save a small amount of change. 1984 in overdrive

    • It’s already here. The campaign to put the ‘P’ into the LGBTQ never-ending rainbow is plowing ahead full strength. We have the Dumbocrat nominee Biden, whose likely to be the next presidential candidate, who has plenty of videos out there of his brazenly open inappropriateness towards young girls, and yet no-one seemingly cares. Even whilst half-hearted contemporaneous attempts are being made to flag up Bill’s apparent addiction to flying the Lolita Express. Maybe he just wanted to look out the windows?

      Fuck American politics until congress is majority traditionally conservative Republicans, and everything Trump says he wants to do actually then has a chance of being enacted.

  2. Yep. Yet more green horseshit. I see today that the UK is not doing enough! Shut everything down and save a whole 1% of global emissions.

    • Do you know when Catweasle’s “National Climate Emergency”, as announced in the House of Commons, is due to commence Cuntstable?

      It’s just that I haven’t seen any evidence of the army out in force decommissioning motor vehicles and grounding flights like they would be doing if there was a “Climate Emergency”.

  3. Excellent cunting.
    I couldn’t agree more. If these demented leftists want to save the polar bears so much, I suggest they go over there and save them with peace cuddles. And film it. And put it on YouTube.
    That I would like to see.

    • So would I… Once the polar bears get hold of the fuckers, the Greens will be extremely red, or at least the ground will be.

  4. Apologies, off topic

    German Chancellor Angela Merkel has today been seen shaking in public for the third time in less than a month.

    Mrs Merkel’s body shook as she stood with Finnish PM Antti Rinne while watching military honours in Berlin to mark his arrival.

    In a news conference after the incident, the German chancellor insisted she was “fine”.

    “People don’t need to worry about me,” she added.

    Don’t worry Angela, we don’t. We all find it rather funny.

    • She’s probably desperately trying to stop pissing herself at the Brexiteers’ attempts to have Brexit actually enacted.

    • Apparently, Angela Merkel caused a can of fizzy drink to explode in the Finnish PM’s face simply by passing it to him….

    • She acheived with diplomacy what Hitler failed to with the best army in the world, she can barely contain herself.

      And the fact Britain will be muslim by the end of the century makes it even sweeter.

    • Saves her a fortune in batteries for her rampant-rabbit. Apologies for the image that puts in your head. Fuck it, not sorry at all, the CURSE OF QATFUHR on any objectors. PAH!

    • Perhaps she’s going down with Fuhreritis? All we’ve got to do is wait for her to commit suicide a la Adolf.
      Anyone got her on the dead pool?

      • Shes got stVitus dance, looks bit like ian curtis doing ‘Transmission’ ‘dance,dance, dance to the radio’…only not as 😎 cool

  5. Despite me clearly telling the builders that I wanted a traditional gas and electric meters, these so called ‘smart’ meters were installed instead. Had no luck getting them changed to traditional ones. And now that I’ve changed suppliers, I’ve found that I need NEW ‘smart’ meters because the company we now get our gas and electricity from use a different computer system to SSE, so the ones we currently have are fucking useless. Not that smart then, are they? Oh yes, and it’s a six month wait to get meters compatible with our new supplier’s system. Fucking love the 21st Century, everything is so much better now.

    • Leave the OLD METERS in, they are now dumb meters and no more spy in the home. As Maggie may have said when her meters stopped working, Rejoice, Rejoice!

  6. Tremendous cunting indeed
    Big brother oversight dressed up as saving the children’s planet..
    Shove it up your arse.

  7. Great posting.

    Refuse to change to a smart meter despite the many threats I have received from Eon in recent months.

    Will be changing supplier this week as I don’t like being threatened and at the same time being taken for a ride.

    Fuck off.

    • I switched to BULB. No smart meter required, no switching fee, a simple variable tariff AND have saved money especially as they cut the gas price. Told Scottish Power to go piss on a pylon when they refused to help with a check-meter.

      • Have been recommended BULB or OCTOPUS.

        Not much between the two but both significantly cheaper than I pay already.

      • changed to BULB 6 months ago. Have had no problems whatsoever. They send an e-mail in advance of your bill ASKING if you want to give them meter readings for a more accurate bill – if you don’t, no hassle they just estimate & collect the pre-agreed payment with no hassling ‘your behind, increase your payments’ bollocks.
        No problem switching, but our former energy suppliers dragged their feet and refused to give them a final bill until the maximum allowed period had expired; petty CUNTS

        I give BULB a double thumbs up (rare for me) 🙂

  8. Top cunting Mr Sheikh Anvakh!

    They play that “if you want help fight climate change get a smart meter” scam all the time on LBC.

    Voice-over by Corbynista Big Business shitbitch Maxine Peake and her exaggerated Northern accent bollocks.

    Smart meters have been estimated to add an extra £50million a year to our already astronomically high energy bills… What a fucking con.

    I couldn’t find a clip of the actual advert, but here’s one with our Maxine sucking on Catweasle’s haemorrhoids:

    • I used to work for the Central Electricity Generating Board (CEGB) in the computing and analysis department at Bankside, so i know how it works and we are being LIED to as the utilities or rather WE (via our bills) are facing huge fines if they don’t hit the target for spy-meter installation with the instantly variable tariffs etc they can be used for, different unit costs based on grid demand, variable every 30 minutes. We’ll end up making supper at 3 fucking AM.

      • Went online recently and compared utility costs of about 50 providers.

        Currently paying about £1750 a year for both gas and electric.

        Absolutely staggered to see that of the “big six” providers the dirrerence between the most expensive and cheapest was LESS THAN £1, with three being identical to the penny. So much for competition.

        By switching can save about £35 a month.

        Loyalty is for mugs.

        • I don’t trust the calculations on a lot of sites so I set up a simple spreadsheet to do it for me. I input the figures from my last bill, check I get the right amount then put in the unit and standing charge figures from other companies and see if any work out cheaper. It’s worked fine so far.

  9. I couldn’t give a fuck about smart meters. They can’t save me any money and if energy companies think I’m going to give them the power to charge what they want at any time of day or night they can fuck off, I wouldn’t trust them to tell the correct time. As it is I take readings on the 1st of every month and keep them on a spreadsheet, I can tell if there’s something wrong simply by looking at that sheet. As it is Eon are trying to put my DD up from £70 to £109, mid-year, because they seem to be unaware that people use more energy in winter. I’ve told them that I know for sure that I’ll be in credit by the time the annual review comes round and they can fuck off. They have yet to explain how knowing how much it costs to boil my kettle means it will cost less.The only people to make money from these ‘free’ meters are the energy companies themselves since they can immediately dispose of hoards of meter readers, buy energy cheaper whilst still charging us the earth for it and, in the near future, charge us premium rates at peak time whilst not charging any less at other times. Cunts.

    • I had a big fight with EON, it went on for months, I had all the figures with dates and readings, no joy from customer service so I wrote the managing director with the full dosier.
      Within 48 hours I had a call from some guy in the directors office, he said he had taken personal charge of my case, the next day he called me, apologised for the mix up and said he would like to offer me £66 by way of compensation, three days later I received the cheque.
      No idea of the significance the £66, seemed a strange random number but who cares it was free cash

  10. Fuck Smart meters, never had one, never want one.

    I am quite capable of sending in a meter reading, I am quite capable of doing the maths to calculate who is giving me the best deal, I am quite capable of turning the heating on and off as required, turning off electrical appliances i am not using.

    I dont need a Fucking Smart Meter!!!

    And on the subject of switching, Martin Lewis can fuck off, it isnt always easy because the fucking useless energy companies are all shit, contacting them is a nightmare and if there is a problem getting them to sort it out is impossible.
    The cunts I used had the wrong meter serial number on my bill, convincing them it was wrong was like pulling teeth.
    “Are you sure you are looking at the right meter”, No you cunts I thought I would go down the road and look at some random meter.
    Send one of your useless idle meter readers to comfirm it, I see them sitting their vans often enough doing fuck all.


  11. This smart meter lark is over here too. When I moved to a new house some years ago I was unaware that the previous owners had some goofy electronic bollocks bolted onto the electric meter. The net effect being during ‘peak hours’ the AC system wouldn’t operate, thus conserving electricity. Apparently. That’s right folks, your ability to cool your own house was effectively being controlled by the electric company when it suited them. To make up for it, they gave you a credit on each month’s bill. The wording though did not make it obvious what the credit was for exactly and not having signed up to this shite myself, I simply ignored it.


    Not long after moving in, the AC system suddenly shut down completely. I got a tech out to the house (at gone 10PM which was impressive) who diagnosed the issue being a blown breaker. He replaced that and fired up the AC. It did absolutely nothing. Stone dead it was. What could be the problem? Yep, we were in ‘peak hours’ and even though we now had power to the AC, it wouldn’t operate because this fucking box of tricks was interfering. Like a trooper, the tech bypassed it and got the AC back up and running. Yes!

    I never told the electric company and they continued to give me the bill credit every month even though their fucking box of tricks was no longer doing anything. I justified this on the basis I did not ask for this device and since the house had changed hands and the electric company knew the device was there, they should have informed me and sought my permission to keep it installed. Which they did not. Also, I personally didn’t bypass it and if anyone asks (cue B&WC) I know nuffinck abaaaaat it.

    So smart arse meters and all can fuck off. Plus I hate kids.

  12. Well cunted. Smart meters are just a way for energy companies to boil my piss quicker than they usually do.
    A couple of weeks ago some cunt in a pac-a-mac tried stopping me in town. “Interested in saving money on your energy sir?” whilst trying to shove a smart meter leaflet in my hand.
    “No thanks mate, I’ve already got a magnet for the side of my meter” I reply.
    The look on that cunts face was priceless.

  13. Hell, yeah. In every accurate detail. I don’t know whose brother/sister/Eton chum is working this scam, but it does seem to be Govt. backed, and presumably subsidised.
    Regardless of the climate change angle, electricity costs. Money. A lot. And if you want to use less electricity, JUST USE LESS ELECTRICITY, you sheeple cunts. I can’t think of anything the good Sheikh has forgotten, and I hadn’t twigged that the smart cuntmeters use more watts than the old induction type, but that’s got to be true from first principles.

    Smart meters, and smart pretty well anything else, are indeed cunts.

    • I was thinking that we need things to be smart to allow for people being thick, but a lot of the time they’re not thick but fucking lazy. Well, and thick.

  14. Weren’t Smart Meters cunted last year? I seem to recall reading that they were championed by Ed Miliband.

    Sorry, Ed Miliband, Supercunt.

  15. Biggest festering pile of shite ever to be imposed on the people. If they tell you you’ve got to have one, tell the cunt who tells you this to FUCK OFF.

  16. Once you have a smart meter you’re on the matrix all the time. They can limit how much power you use for one. They emit microwaves and some think they are harmful to health.

    Then you can get in your electric driverless car which the government can control, they decide you’re not using a road or going to a certain place and you’re walking.

    Smart technology can be considered as a control grid with inbuilt monitoring and surveillance.

    1984 gets closer to fact all the time.

  17. Firstly, you can’t store AC current so if you don’t use it all it gets chucked away

    Secondly, you cant turn off conventional power stations with a flick of a switch

    Thirdly i don’t give a fuck if my bill is estimated because i pay a fixed monthly amount on direct debit.

    Fourthly – and this is the real reason why they want you to have one – they can then move to hourly and demand driven billing so the cunts can charge you more

    I’m not having one. The latest trick is to tell you they’re only free until the end of 2020. Well, if they want to charge me for the fucking thing then I DEFINATELY ain’t having one.

    Smart meters? Fuck ’em…

    • Why do they think that charging for something in the future that you don’t want now will suddenly have you begging for it?

  18. What happens if you move home to a house that already has a smart meter? Are you fucked?

    • Apparently you can ask for it/them to be removed, but there might be a charge.

      • Presumably you’d also have to pay to have a traditional meter installed.

        What’s the betting they’ll stop manufacturing ordinary meters so there’ll be no choice other than smart meters? Cunts.

  19. Absolute top-dollar cunting. I’m sick to death of this green shite endlessly being rammed down my throat plus all the other fucking minority-interest bullshit I’m supposed to willingly subscribe to.

    And the cunts behind this wank want me to vote for them. Not a fucking chance.

  20. It’s all bollocks anyway,
    As a wagon driver, I travel up and down the country every day, fuck me soon there will be no trees left in this country and Scotland is getting decimated,

    Save the environment with wind farms
    I mean millions of trees have vanished replaced by steel and concrete,

    How is that a improvement, fucking blind leading the blind

    Get to fuck

  21. Fuck the spy meters and the way they’re being ‘marketed’ by preying on the social concience of all the climate concerned energy saving media brainwashed cunts out there. No wonder they’re in demand in London..

    There is no legal requirement to have a smart meter, so tell your electricity supplier that if they want to save the planet and save energy, to permanently stop contacting you regarding smart meters, and to donate the money saved on postal and electronic correspondence to a pro abortion or free contraception scheme for the masses. Less cunts = less pollution.

    Its all bollocks though as they well know, (apart from the big brother control and spy aspects of it) as with all companies, they’re interested only in profits, thats why they exist, they’re not interested in the planet, nor polar bears, nor plebs like us cunters, just the money. If any company was so concerned about the ecological impact of their activities they’d immediately cease their business operations and disolve their company for the good of mankind and the planet. Aint gonna happen folks..

    Likewise with the Jemimas and Jeremys and the pro eco social warrior set or whatever you’d term them, so concerned with the carbon footprint of their daughter’s farts that they’ll proclaim their virtuous carbon neutral shite to anyone who dares listen and appease their ego fluffling bullshit. If they too were so serious about their own rhetoric they’d commit goup suicide and do away with themselves as the ultimate demonstration of their desire to eradicate their own carbon footprint and eco damage on this world.

    They can then be replaced by a non carbon nuetral immigrant or three as there are loads of them arriving on our welcoming shores every week.

    • By rubber dinghy u mean as oppossed to kenyan air express.Its not quite caught on yet has it.someone needs /or probaly will het hold of a dilapidated ex military jumbo jet (probaly ex russia and start on a commercial ventute)

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