Redundancy


Redundancy at the age of 61 is a cunt isn’t it? My fellow cunters some advice on options please. Do I

1 Become a dole bludger? Not that I’d get anything off the cunts
2 Retire? being at home all day with She Who Would Like To Be Obeyed No
3 Part time job? My favored option
4.Be a good boy, go in the job centre and do as the nice cunt behind the desk tells me? Or adopt a devil may care attitude, if I don’t like the answers tell them hate crime/coffin dodger phobic get the manager, kick him in the cunt when he/she /it arrives?
5 Tell them knees giving out, can’t really do the job I want, you want me to work retrain me Bitch/SJW Cunt. I want something more sedentary, not kneeling down installing smart meters for two hours at a stretch, four times a day.

After the last never to be forgotten appearance at the job centre in 2001 when I had what can only be described as a complete CUNT interviewing me, who was physically incapable of listening to what I was saying. Interview ended with me calling her a CUNT telling her to go fuck herself and walking out. With her shouting you won’t get any dole money, I responded with a reverse Churchill aka a V sign and a dignified retreat, went to an employment agency started the next day.

Nominated by CuntyMort

50 thoughts on “Redundancy

  1. Sorry to hear this. I would strongly advise you to get another job.

    There are jobs out there. Don’t give up….

  2. Afternoon CuntyMort

    Recently turned 60. No mortgage, no debts, money in the bank and Mrs Stroker works about 30 hours a week minimum wage.

    Regarding your options:

    1) Never claimed a penny in my life other than child benefit and a widowers allowance when my first wife died about 20 years ago now. Frankly not prepared to dance to their tune for fuck all.
    2) Retirement is boring. Very much overrated in my opinion. Bored quickly and the feeling of not having purpose. TV is fucking shite and only so many DIY jobs you can do. Also not a great role model for my young son.
    3) Easier said than done. Applied for loads and probably out of 50 applications got three interviews. Age very much against you when over 50- unless you want to work on the checkouts at Tesco’s would not hold out much hope. The interview processes vary widely, one I went to at Crapita was a fucking joke- finishing with a 6 minute speed interview with three different middle aged women, asking in depth questions like “why do you want the job, what do you consider your strengths, what’s you favourite colour”. Six minutes following a 30 year career in London’s square mile. Also went for a job as a local school caretaker but did not get that because I did not have the necessary health and safety certificate to clean floors! FFS.
    4) Went to the job centre once with Mrs Stroker to get her National Insurance Number. A spotty adolescent in a suit told me quite impolitely that I was not permitted to help my wife Japanese wife at her interview. Nearly decked the skinny pathetic short arsed cunt. Never went back and never will. Fucking dreadful place for complete losers.
    5) See response 3. I rather suspect companies will not spend money on someone of our advancing years, and can train a young whippersnapper cheaper and more likelihood of them not carking it anytime soon.

    If you can afford it, my option would be to do some voluntary work. You get the satisfaction of a sense of purpose, that you are giving something back, and most importantly the benefits of the social aspect of being with other people. Even this is not easy to get, as many young people wanting jobs are directed to voluntary work as a way of getting something on the CV, and proof of work.

    If being honest I did not work from the age of 55 and the sense of being bored shitless whilst those around me had full and active lives drove me to doing something about it. I now have two volunteer gardening jobs for the same charity, and am hoping to become involved in a peer group for those with mental health issues.

    They will be offering me a charity t shirt so you can identify me as a helper rather than a user!

    In any case, good luck and I hope things work out for you.

    • I wish I had been as sensible with money as you have been Willie but my whole life I have spent it on Women music and booze and I don’t regret a single moment. I had a fuckin ball mate.
      But now the chickens have come home to roost . Mrs Fistula is quite a few years younger than me and earns 35 k plus so if I’m a good boy we might be able to come to an arrangement.

      • They say that when you die, you look back not at the things you’ve done, but instead the things you haven’t done.

        Wasn’t it George Best who once said “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered”?

        Remember being taken out for lunch by a couple of brokers many years ago. Jenny and Nigel. Late 40’s early 50’s. Each married five times. Nigel told several stories about his life, his wives, children, mistresses, years living abroad, becoming a multi millionaire, losing everything and more in divorce settlements, hiding from bad people out to get him for 6 months, going to prison, was shot, tea with the queen. A real character. Each time we had lunch different stories, never repeated himself. Always fantastic things happened to him. He said looking back never regretted a minute of it.

        Reckon when looking back on my deathbed my list of things I haven’t done in comparison will be ginormous.

        • Birds??

          Now that’s an idea.

          Pigeon Post. Get a few pairs, start breeding. Ideal for when the electrons cease to flow between various electronic devices.
          “No Twatter, just splatter !”

          I’ve spent about 3 years retraining myself as a sparks, and now I’m obliged to take a shitty p/t job with HMRC.
          If I refused, I wonder if my jobcentre bird would “sanction” me. She is very funny and cuddly, and round here, I could do very much worse…

          Good luck – don’t retire. Even though I’ve not had what you’d call anything like a regular nine-to-five job for ages, the thought of retirement scares the wits out of me. Loads of time, and bugger all dosh to do anything interesting.

          • I retired at 50 after saving and investing like a maniac for the previous 30 years. Never regretted it. There aren’t enough hours in the day.

            Good luck CuntyMort.

    • “I’ve never claimed a penny in my life other than child benefit and a widowers allowance”

      Very sad to hear that Mr Stroker. You’re only a few years older than me and I’ll be honest, for most of my worthless life I’ve claimed every benefit available. In fact Im always on the prowl just in case there’s one I’ve missed.Why am I such a Scrounging Cunt(besides being born a sloth in a human body)?
      Because of My Father, RIP. He left school aged 12 and for the next 60 years right up until shortly before he died the man basically worked like a cunt.Labourer,cleaner,mechanic,factory operative,brickie,painter,carpenter he tried em all.Never signed on once.Always paid his tax.Proud,industrious,honest.In short, an Idiot,God rest his soul.One of our neighbours was a complete layabout.Always signed on and sent the missus out to shitty minimum wage jobs.Like my father he managed to purchase a London property now worth circa £1,000,000 (with plenty of help from the wife and the social).Unlike my Father,the cunts still going strong at 79 and as fit as a fiddle.Work hard and you’ll get on? Don’t make me fuckin larf(By the way,didnt inherit my fathers house,it went to my mother and 2 sisters.Dont think the old man was exactly an admirer of my er “Life Choices”)

  3. My sympathies Cuntymort.
    I’m 62 and finding working full time is fucking killing me, their waiting for me to make another fuck up so they can get the old cunt out.
    The thing is I don’t have much savings and a crap pension. Might have to tighten my belt and go part time.

  4. I went self employed, helped somewhat by my redundancy money.

    I did go the job centre and had a very demeaning interview saying that because I had a sizable redundancy I wasn’t entitled to fuck all – despite paying tax and NIC for over 30 odd years!

    So now I’m my own boss, keeps my brain and body active; gives me a sense of responsibility; but would never look back!

  5. Sorry to hear that pal, also for the other lads on here similar, get a part time job mate, a lot of employers prefer someone older as they have their head screwed on, no sickies because theyve gone on piss or kids ill, and already used to world of work. Id never employ young uns as to unreliable or ethnics because i hate em. Out there is someone who’ll vaue you as a honest grafter, guaranteed! Good luck n god bless you kid 🇬🇧

  6. Afternoon all, thanks for replies the fatal day is tomorrow. Applied for two jobs already one was less than minimum wage as self employed. The other I’m waiting on the manager to call me.

    Believe me I’m not down in the dumps, the weather has been gorgeous here in East Devon, lots of gardening to do once the heat goes down a bit.

    I think a part time job would be good but I had not considered voluntary work, so thanks for that one Willie, I’ll see what she Who Would Like To Be Obeyed Thinks.
    Once again thanks for your input.
    CuntyMort

    • Best wishes CuntyMort, i will formulate a reply and post it when i am less pissed (birthday BBQ today) as this situation is close to my heart. not just redundancy but life choices and expectations. Ruff Tuff sums it it up a bit but others too with the whole purpose in life issue.

      I essentially ‘retired’ at 43 and its not a bed of roses unless ones head is in the right place..

  7. It depends what skills you have. You may have marketable skills you can sell on a consultancy basis, you may have hobbies that you could make extra cash from.

    The other consideration is how much you need, if you can keep life ticking over and not work full time then go for it.

    Work to live not live to work.

    Best of luck whatever you decide

    • I would agree with Sixdog’s assessment. You have a lifetime of skills built up. Make a list of them and try to employ them on a part time basis. Try to achieve an income where you can get by and aim for happiness rather than material wealth.

    • I did put the idea to the training guy that we establish a firm called Nero energy (see what I did there?) £300 and Roberts your fathers brother, no meter working, he laughed and told me I was a Cunt. True but think of the fun you could have in your declining years. Plus think of the money£££££

  8. Tough break CuntyMort.

    The right option depends to some degree on your financial situation/skill set but it would seem there’s plenty of work out there in hospitality/care/construction anyway.

    ISACs have mentioned part-time and I wholeheartedly agree but I promise you that once the novelty has worn off, winter stuck indoors watching daytime TV will rot your soul and having a ball and chain nagging you to get your arse off the sofa etc is fucking tedious too.

    At work you can instead meet new people have a bit of banter etc. You never know, befriending a few Eastern European warehouse ‘facilitators’, Peacefuls , Flabbotts, Lammys, might yet change your perspective!!

  9. Tough tough luck CM. Commiserations. Depending on your financial circumstances, I’d say a)get a part time job or b)do voluntary work, or a combo of both.
    I’m retired, and I don’t know when I ever found time to work. The wife’s always going on about painting this and shifting that, so get out the house! I do voluntary work (fund-raising) and it makes me feel useful and valued.
    Good luck!

      • Much like Dick Fiddler reading bedtime stories at the bedsides of sick children and working at a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve. On the QT please, I’m sure he wouldn’t want a fuss being made.

        • “Are there no prisons ? Are there no workhouses ?” !

          I look forward to Mr. Fiddler on the silver screen…

  10. I know this sounds daft, have you thought about self employment? Its always an option. No age limit and even small earnings beats having nothing to do. Find an idea and do it, it’s not that daunting really.

  11. Become a full time carer for an elderly relative. That’s what I do and get paid a shit load of cash for doing, basically, fuck all. As I’m allergic to work it suits me fine.

    • It doesn’t even have to be a relative. Contact your local council to see if any one to one carers are needed.

  12. I more or less retired at 55 and it was the best thing I ever did. Every day is like a holiday, I have interests that keep my brain and body healthy, have the two most vital thing in life, a Tidal and a Stockingsbabexxx subscription, and haven’t had one boring day. If you are self sufficient, you never get bored.

  13. Try selling stuff on Ebay. Just start with stuff you have lying around, see how the process works first and make a few quid.

    Maybe you could go to auction houses and then sell things that take your fancy for a profit on Ebay? Do your research first. Programmes like Bargain Hunt are the same premise but they are doing it wrong because they are doing it in reverse i.e. they buy at retail prices (from antique shops) and then sell at auction (mainly antique shop owners). You can do it the right way round!

  14. Change your name by deed poll to some exotic oversea name buy a dingy take it to France load it with other similar named people set sail for uk and you’ll never have to work again with a bit of luck you may get a house as well

    Ps a life jacket would be a good investment

    • ……….and don’t forget to tell them you are only 15. You should be able to get a shitload of A* GCSEs no problem.

  15. CuntyMort, the same thing happened to me at the age of 61. I went through the motions of applying for jobs for six months so that I got my jobseekers allowance, didn’t get one interview and thought fuck it. I looked into buying a small business, or buying a property and renting it out, and then realized that because of the redundancy settlement and a personal pension starting the following year, I didn’t need the money. I then volunteered for two charities and gave them both up because I found that those who worked there were exactly the same sort of cunts I’d worked with all my life.
    What you decide to do from now on depends on your financial situation, your need to mix with people and your need to feel useful. I’m useful to nobody and I don’t give a fuck.

  16. Toads Revisited by Philip Larkin

    Walking around in the park
    Should feel better than work:
    The lake, the sunshine,
    The grass to lie on,

    Blurred playground noises
    Beyond black-stockinged nurses –
    Not a bad place to be.
    Yet it doesn’t suit me.

    Being one of the men
    You meet of an afternoon:
    Palsied old step-takers,
    Hare-eyed clerks with the jitters,

    Waxed-fleshed out-patients
    Still vague from accidents,
    And characters in long coats
    Deep in the litter-baskets –

    All dodging the toad work
    By being stupid or weak.
    Think of being them!
    Hearing the hours chime,

    Watching the bread delivered,
    The sun by clouds covered,
    The children going home;
    Think of being them,

    Turning over their failures
    By some bed of lobelias,
    Nowhere to go but indoors,
    Nor friends but empty chairs –

    No, give me my in-tray,
    My loaf-haired secretary,
    My shall-I-keep-the-call-in-Sir:
    What else can I answer,

    When the lights come on at four
    At the end of another year?
    Give me your arm, old toad;
    Help me down Cemetery Road.

  17. Good to see so much solidarity, sympathy and positive suggestions. Maybe you ISACers are really not such a bunch of cunts after all but little pussycats. Still I suppose there is time for the Earl of Northumberland to add his say.

  18. Sorry to hear about your loss CuntyMort.
    As an inveterate job dodger and dedicated layabout I cant give you advice about securing new employment.My expertise is in screwing as much as I can out of the system.So heres a few suggestions.
    Do you suffer from gout or something similar? If yes then I recommend arranging an appointment with the Government Quacks to be examined.A few days before the visit drink as much beer and whiskey as you can physically tolerate,eat plenty of fatty meat and wash it down with plenty of fizzy drinks.This should bring on a severe attack just in time for the examination.Worked wonders for me in the past.
    Ditto any history of depression? If so then read up on the symptoms of manic depression,Schizophrenia etc.The best textbook for this is the DSM(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).You should be able to download a pirated copy quite easily.This has also been a consistent source of income over the years.
    However if you arent a scrounging cunt with no pride and no family I suggest you find another job.61 isnt old,nowadays the cunts expect people to work even up to the knackers door entrance.You might not earn as much as you did before but at least you wont feel like a complete Cunt.Me? Im used to it.

    “I have nothing to declare but my Cuntishness” as that paddy pooftah so eloquently put it.Not his exact words but you get my drift.

  19. As more and more shops close because people are buying online, more drivers are required. Have a go at driving.
    Shops could be closing because of Bwexit though. I heard it on the BBC News.

  20. As a Public Sector (yes I know, boo hiss) employee, I wouldn’t mind redundancy, a to have a good payout and b to get away from my cuntitude employers until I can draw my PS pension at 75 or whatever it is now. The PS is dispiritingly full of leftie commies, or thick people who revere Love Island. My particular job is quite uncharateristically fulfilling, (Child Protection Conferencing) apart from the CUNT management interference about deadlines they simply don’t and won’t understand, as to do so would undermine their ‘seniorority’. The fat fucks can fuck off and die of their long-overdue heart attacks as far as I’m concerned.

  21. Definitely I did my hgv class 2,
    6 months ago after getting made redundant and I have never been out of work since, work what ever hours you want, basically your own boss, every day is different and the drivers without commitments last longer, I’m loving it, can be long hours, traffic jams who gives a fuck when your getting paid

  22. Unless you are in financial trouble do not rush into a new job. Fix all the things in house and garden that you have been putting off. Take a holiday. If you were like me the run-up to redundancy was stressful because you could see things were bad. So take time to unwind. Treat it as unexpected spare time to do what you want while you are still young. Consider your financial position. Does any income, pension, etc. make it worthwhile earning more, considering that the extra will be whacked by tax. Maybe do cash in hand jobs – gardens, dog walking, guided grockle tours, bar man, taxi driver. But something you enjoy.Find out what grants, subsidies etc. you can get for business start-up. Never look as if you are desperate for a fresh job. You are doing them a favour. Don’t leave your old job with a bad atmosphere. You will be judged as being bitter and twisted, and word gets round.
    All the other advice is good. Always hum that Life of Brian song – Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. Then people will wonder why you seem to be happy. And envy you.
    Good luck.

  23. Last final ditch, go into politics! An MP’s salary is Ok and you get to wang a bunch of expenses. Pretend you are a Labourtard if you live in a lefty safe seat if need be. Shakespeare once said, all the world’s a stage hence why they call jobs ‘roles’, I’ve been acting all my career!!!

  24. I got to the stage where I was no longer able or willing to take the pressure of manufacturing management. I got out and found a job in the public sector as an engineering and manufacturing specialist for a city region (LEP) What a fucking joke of a job. No fucker in this sector has any clue whatsoever about the real world. A non job at a good salary. European money of course. Retired now but took the useless fuckers for a good wedge.

  25. Find something you enjoy doing and have a go at doing it on a self employed basis, if you can make it work and end up earning a profit from doing things you enjoy, it never feels like you’re working at all, just having fun and getting paid for it.

    I work everyday but hardly notice it anymore more as it has become an enjoyable part of the fabric of my life.

    If you’ve got a financial buffer, have a go at a few of your dream ideas or money making hobbies, you could be having the time of your life..

    Other ideas:

    Budget Bee keeping. Catch a bee in the garden, use it to attract another Bee and repeat until you get a swarm going!

    If you’re just after easy cash, buy an old white transit and a caravan, you’ll instantly become invisible in the eyes of the law and can then do basically whatever it takes to earn a crust, including fly tipping stuff you’ve been paid to dispose of or charging £2000 to clear a blocked gutter. You can also pitch up for a free holiday with the Mrs anywhere you can drive onto.

    Easy Rider!

  26. I’m 30 years younger and I’m staring down the redundancy barrel, it’s going to blow to try job hunting in the 4th quarter of the year…

  27. Sell your body. If that’s too much, how about sell your voice for talking dirty to chicks on 0800 numbers. Another alternative that is quite dirty, 1 webcam, various ‘self pleasuring’ sessions and take Mastercard or Visa. You get the idea. Look it doesn’t matter if you are a bit older, there’s a market for everything.

  28. Some excellent ideas above, and if my employers eventually find out that they are mainly paying me to contribute occasionally to ISAC, many worth considering. I’ve worked past retirement (a) because I took virtual retirement at 25, and spent a while doing pretty well what I pleased, as long as it kept food on the table – figured life would be shit anyway later, so do it while you can. I then got some education at 50, and I’ve been doing a proper job since. At least, that is what I tell my employers. I imagine that given the job market for over-70’s, if they stop believing me, it’s going to be voluntary work only, and I’ll have to force myself to do this in order to maintain my sanity and whatever is left of my health. Also, the contacts may be useful. Like others here, my savings are not enviable.

    But I see no-one has yet suggested influencing. We’ve cunted a few influencers here, and it’s a lovely scam. You set up YouTube, Twatter and Fuckbook accounts, and are paid, by people trying to sell stuff, to pose as a member of the general public while demonstrating their cheap Chinese knockoff tat and collecting what I believe are termed followers. The more followers, the more the grateful company pays. You can even become a celebrity. You can even attract the righteous contempt of ISAC if you play your cards right. I’m not considering this myself as I have the definitive radio face, but I’m sure the twinkly grandpa/uncle type could do very well around Christmas.

  29. Cuntymort, sorry to hear your predicament. Just do what you feel comfortable doing. I’m been their too, pal. Unless your a certain religion( have a guess which one🧕🧕🧕🧕) you won’t get any help of the Department for Wankers and Pricks. Being white and working class, we’re fucked with the system we have. Hope you find something soon.👍👍👍👍

  30. Old fuckers like you should be allowed to retire 61 and working full time your employers have done you a favour.
    Get on the sick ASAP before someone beats you to it If they give foreigners benefits they should give oldies benefits at least they have paid their national insurance contributions Retirement age should be brought down to 60 not up to 66 and soon 70

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