Ageing rockers deserve an axeman of a cunting. And by ‘axeman’ I’m thinking less guitar and more ‘Axeman of New Orleans’.
The age at which rock bands should stop could be argued through the night – some might think 30, some may argue 40 – but to see cunts carrying on beyond middle-age until they always, without exception, become macabre parodies of their former glories, is just fucking shit all round. Shit for the legacy of these greedy fuckers, and shit for the fans who are either too stupid or too blinded by the nostalgia for what the band once were to realise they are being ripped off.
How many fucking re-hashed compilation albums can the skeletal scumcunts otherwise known as Mick ‘n’ Keef possibly release before the heroin holding their bones together finally perishes? Does Gene Simmons realise that he looks like some badly made-up drag queen painted and armored up in his 60s? Does anyone ever say “I think Endless Wire is easily the best Who album”? Who in the name of fuck wants to read about Noel Gallagher moving house to get his sub-human son into a posh school? And how the fuck has Ian Brown been able to sing the lyrics ‘The past was yours but the future’s mine’ post 1994?
And talking of the Stone Roses, I will remain forever fucking bitter that like a cunt, I was caught up in the wave of hysteria for their 2012 reunion. Managing to pay a fucking fortune for Sunday tickets at their Heaton Park shows, I have never been so utterly fucking disappointed by live music in my entire life. At the best of times, Ian Brown has always sounded like a man shouting into a KFC bucket but his turn on Fool’s Gold was so bad that I’ve barely been able to listen to the original since.
Until the day when Jimmy Page strangles Robbie Williams to death with his large intestine over their endless mansion refurbishments feud, ageing rockers can firmly seal themselves into the ISAC Cunt Hall of Fame.
Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back