Hot weather

A nomination for hot weather. Not only is it bloody uncomfortable, but it also brings out all the morons, all the scum and about another million cars on the road. Worse still are the sun worshippers (cunts themselves) and the bloody annoying people who always ask whether you’re enjoying the weather. No I’m not so sod off.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

57 thoughts on “Hot weather

    • And it was my team that sent you down. Sorry about that!

      I bet Mick is laughing his bollocks off right about now.

      • I can’t say too much, being a Reading fan.
        Shit last couple of seasons.
        Genuinely sorry to see Ipswich go down as I do like that part of the country.

    • Im a product of the northwest of england, only happy when it rains! Like a bit of ground frost of a morning too, no hot weather is only good for lizards, flies, and the sand dancers.

  1. Actually I love the hot weather! Not only does it mean we can piss on the energy suppliers like British Arse, NoPower and all the other greedy cunts by not using much gas or electric for a few months; but it also means all the young nubile totty shed their thick winter coats down to just their skimpy attire of short skirts and braless tops – perfect for old perverts such as myself to gawp at!

    And then you’ll get all the cunts moaning about how hot it is; the same cunts who moaned how cold it was in winter! Especially those cunts who work in offices, who will find any excuse to say they can’t work under such inhuman conditions etc. and “can I go home before i die of the heat!”

    Fuck all that: you can’t beat sitting in a beer garden on a hot summer’s day drinking cold beers, checking out the young wenches and ordering a few more cold beers.

    • To quote Peter Kay :-

      Old people in summer ; “ooh it’s too hot… I like it hot, but not this hot…I can’t breathe…”
      GOOD ! It’s called Summer ; Shut the fuck up & have a Solero 🙂

  2. I’m in the uk and the consistently low temperature has me burning old car tyres on a regular basis in an effort to keep warm, and also in an effort to contribute towards a rising global temperature.
    Fuck the planet, I’m freezing.

  3. I suppose the UK is indeed hot if you’re comparing it to say Greenland ? But as CMC said earlier try somewhere like Queensland or say Egypt where temperatures are 15-16 on cool winters day and regularly mid 40,s in summer!!
    Personally I hate those temperatures but it’s not always just the heat the biggest cunt for me is humidity! Go Thailand or somewhere similarly tropical and the minute you step outside your air conditioned room your arm pits resemble a tap with a faulty washer! Obviously how bad it is depends on the season…..
    Personally hot and arid is far better than hot and sticky….. better still I try and avoid both….

  4. Off topic,but…

    Climate change activists: Go fuck yourselves, you vacuous, dirty,unwashed, giro claiming vegan lefties cunts.

    Good morning

    • Nicely pointed out Krav. Could I just add those pompous cunts polar bears and other endangered species.
      Whinging sissies.

    • If any self-righteous vegetarian or vegan starts to get preachy, or how you can now get vegetarian this, or vegetarian that, just say: “Hitler was a vegetarian.” – and invariably they’ll shut the fuck up.

      That is because neo-liberal fascist types have bought into the whole identity politics and group-think bullshit which pervades society.

      So in their simple minds, 200yrs ago a white man had black slaves, therefore all white men today are waycist.

      And by that logic Hitler was a vegetarian and therefore all vegetarians are Nazis.

      Simple cunts!

      • Spot on post Rwac 👍
        Just walked down the seafront in hove to drop off some Easter eggs to my niece and nephew and my best mates kids, it’s 7 degrees with a chilly breeze ( feels like 4) according to my phone app, so why oh why are there cretins wearing t shirts?? I’m not joking!!
        They must look out the window and think “ wow it’s really sunny!! T shirt time”. Look you daft cunts it’s often sunny in the artic doesn’t fucking mean you would rock up there in a t shirt…

        • Fuck me Q… will the disillusionments never cease?… the scales have fallen from my eyes… I thought you hated everyone… just like I do…

          But it turns out you’re a really nice guy.

          I’m devastated!

  5. Totally disagree in the strongest way, when the sun shinesthe skirts get shorter the tits loose the winter shackles. Bloody fantastic for a perv

        • It’s been hailing in our neck of the woods!

          Anna Sourcunt on the LBC just now, hinting she may not stand at the next election…

          Why? Because she’d lose her deposit?

          Not a bit of it!

          Her reason: “I’m 62 and exhausted.”

          Clearly thinks we were born yesterday 😂

          • Being a complete cunt must be exhausting!!!
            There’s not a shred of honesty in that old cunt!! She was on TV the other week saying how her first duty is to look after her constituents? I can’t believe the interviewer let her get away with that? ( no bias)
            Soubry is representing some of her constituents but NOT the MAJORITY!!
            Weasel worded democracy denying cunt…..

          • It’s about time they had a new rule for cunts like Soubry – if a standing MP Changes their allegiance to a different party, they should immediately resign and stand for re-election for their new party.

            I firmly believe that most people in this country just vote for whichever party they like best, regardless of whoever the individual up for election is.

          • That’s because most people in this country are brain-dead sheep… or, if they’re like me, they vote to keep the worst cunt out (Labour in my case).

            We live in a marginal constituency. Proportional Representation couldn’t come soon enough for me.

          • Btw RTC, how do you maintain your idyllic rural existence when the sun brings out hordes of grockles in the Summer months? Is it the orange, pink or blue house you live in?

          • Exhausted from claiming all those bogus expenses more like!

            Hopefully she’ll have a massive heart attack and die; or better still get stabbed by a passing Peaceful, and then die from a massive HA.

            I was going to say raped and stabbed by a Peaceful, but even Peacefuls have some standards!

  6. I was out yesterday and it looked lovely. Alas on disembarking my car in a T-shirt and thin jumper I realised that the cosmetic signs of warmth (bright sunshine and no wind) were unfounded, it was fucking FREEZING!

    Role on hot weather. I hate feeling cold!

    • Couldn’t agree more RwaC!

      Scraping ice off the car in mid-April can fuck right off. Gimme sunshine, 25C and a cold lager in the garden any day!

  7. A bloke who drinks in my local
    claims that to keep his sperm in tip-top shape he keeps his testicles at a constant -273 degrees centigrade.
    Absolute bollocks if you ask me…

  8. I don’t really mind what the weather does, not bring DARPA it’s beyond my control.

    I still strongly resent Carol Kirkland bigging up her part as a weather girl. Boils my piss , I prefer the one armed weather girl who even with this limitation manages to fulfil the requirements of a weather girl. Point and tell me the weather as quickly as possible without pretending you’re a star.

    Since my long ago cunting of Carol she has managed to create her own frappening, publicity stunt I bet!

    Sorry for the tangent but Kirkland is a prime example of the BBC spunking the license fee.

    If you insist on spaffing money on weather girls can we at least have the near naked Latina hotties as used in South America.

    Make Weather Girls Hot Again

  9. Just to reiterate, things we get in the summer, the negatives greatly outweight the positives:

    Twats in sunglasses for no apparent reason
    Twats with soft top cars
    Sun worsbippers who consider being indoors for more than 15 minutes a hate crime
    Fucking cyclists! (Enough on its own)
    Selfish wankers having very loud parties late a night
    Barbecue robots, again till late
    Drinking in the garden relatives, till fucking 2 in the morning

    Theres many more but I have to go!

    • Re the sunglasses – perhaps there is a good reason – my left eye was badly damaged in accident a few years ago (my own fault, so I can’t sue myself!) and the pupil is permanently dilated, so I have to wear reactolite glasses or sunglasses even in conditions without sunshine, otherwise opening my eyes is agony.

      The rest of your post though – spot on👍. Especially the bit about barbecues and drinking till 2 am. One of our neighbours is obsessed with barbecues. All summer long all you can smell is burning meat. I suspect I may be having an accident with my garden hose this year😏.

      • Right mate! I don’t givr a toss if someones shitty relatives or friends visit for a barbecue, that’s not an excuse to keep working people awake in the week!

        • Absolutely. Even at weekends though, there is no excuse for making a noise late at night. Selfish cunts. Grrrrrrrrr

    • Flying insects
      Sleepless nights
      Beaches full of sweaty cretins
      School holiday
      Shops full of brats
      Sunburn
      Melting tarmac
      Expensive holiday prices
      Athletics or olympics on tv

      Fucking roll on September!

      • ‘Murray Mania’ and posturing C-list no marks in the Royal Box at Wimbledon. The miserable monotoned cunts hip will hopefully give out and we will be spared from Sue Barker orgasming like a braying donkey.

      • Melting tarmac! Brilliant one! No word of a lie – many moons ago, on a road in Berkshire (no other details, don’t want to give too much away😉😉), my feet actually got stuck in the tarmac and a mate I was working with had to bend down and grab my boots and pull them out! Then I had to do the same to his as he got stuck helping me!

        We really are shit at road building in this country, aren’t we!

        • Robin, it sounds as though you and your mate were building them or have you got a neat little sideline going, selling cats eyes down at the pub? I didn’t know you were of Oirish extraction.

          • Oirish extraction! How very dare you!

            No, it was a completely honest, 100% legitimate job, which unfortunately required us to stand in the road for long periods of time. When it was about 90 degrees in the shade. Bloody hilarious trying to get out of the way of the traffic when you are stuck to the road. What fun!

  10. Another downside are those fat smelly cunts who come to work wearing ill-fitting clothing 6 sizes too small. They start sweating and you can see the stains appearing a mile off; not only that but they end up with sweaty faces and sweaty palms that you’re loathe to shake.

    What is worse is the following day they’re wearing the same fucking clothes! And come Friday some of these fat cunts smell like a morgue full of ripe cadavers!

    You need an industrial powered fan just to make sure the stench doesn’t infect one’s nostrils. Smelly cunts!

  11. Clear sky, 18 to 22 C is just about right, once a week a fucking good downpour to keep the water flowing and the garden refreshed.

    Anything above 23 is too fucking hot!

    Just had my Sunday morning ruined by David Lammy on the Marr show, he is cunt of the highest order and that is before he opens his fucking stupid gob.

    BoJo and Rees Mogg are Nazis …… Lammy is a complete Cunt!

    • Now let’s wait and see if he gets arrested, banned from the geographical vicinity of the M25 and branded an extremist…..

    • Do you think Lammy is an egotistical twat who really believes all the crap he spouts ?
      or is he a closet reefer smoker, who’s stoned off his tits ?
      Maybe I’m being unfair.. maybe he’s had a head injury or has an un-diagnosed brain tumor, and that’s making him act like an utter Cunt.

  12. The weather is shite enough here… When we get a bit of sun I don’t mind… I remember 1976 and it was fucking ace….1983. 1995 and last year also worthy of a mention… Wasps are fucking cunts, mind… Twats who set fire to moorland are also cunts and all….

    • I agree wasps are cunts: kicked a load of mud when I was knee-high to a grasshopper; suffice to say, the wasps’ nest attacked me. Ended up in hospital with a face that only a mother could love. Cunt the lot of them and cunt the Scottish midge, too.

  13. Having lived in the south-east of blighty for most of my life, I eventually moved to Scotland. Talk about bloody chalk and cheese. I used to sweat for 11 months of the year down south, but now my sweat freezes whenever I go outside. Gale forces winds, gusting up to 80mph are common down in my neck of the woods, and 60 mph winds are right outside my window this morning, and it’s even snowed in late May a couple of years ago. If you’re lucky and the wind dies down and the sun comes out, you’re eaten alive by midges who, let’s face it, are cunts of the highest order. Maybe I should cut the cunts, but hey, I’m enjoying the Scottish springtime, the best day of the year!.

  14. I don’t like the hot weather but appreciate there’s little one can do to stop it short of gluing oneself to a train, because that definitely works. But should I mention this to a “sun-worshipper” as the cunts describe themselves, the response is inevitably “I suppose you’d rather it was snowing”. I’m sure there’s some middle ground here you cunts.

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